Belier

Hi Everyone: I recently had 6 months of non drinking and have started dating a wonderful guy, I have taken it slowly. Last night I went to his place for dinner it was great, however the conversation turned to drugs and he said that he has Pot every now again to help him sleep. I asked a few questions, like do you do it everyday etc, tryiing to grasp this. He said never during the day only just before bed when he is just relaxing. He doesnt need it all the time just every now again.

I don't know. I have told him I don't drink as it does not bring the best out in me. I have not gone into anymore details. Hmm I am a little confused by this. Any thoughts? I don't want to be a goodie to shoes but also don't know if this type of drug is as innocent as people make it out to be.

Tuesday24

You are questioning yourself, why? My best advice would be to RUN. Dont mean to sound rude or offend but we all know where "innocent" behaviors get us. Did he not mention it before now? 6 months is a long time to keep a nightly habit a secret.. just sayin..

Belier

I have only been seeing him for about a 4 weeks. So it is a new relationship.

Tuesday24

Sorry, mixed up your sobriety date

Roosiedoll

Addicts shouldn't date addict's, but that's strictly my opinion of course. My husband doesn't drink, do drugs, or smoke cigs, and I thank god every day for that.

I've dated addicts or "users" in the past and it just made my life complicated.

Think about it, do you really need a boyfriend that you have to worry about his drug use whether it's minor or major?

Good luck and keep posting!

ETA

Once in a while smoking pot isn't a big deal in my mind.

On the flip side if you ever were to live together then it might be something you don't want to happen in your house.

If he can't quit it then it might be a problem. Honestly I'm glad my man doesn't smoke pot.

Latte

It's illegal, there is that thought.

I personally don't care about pot. Considering my DH's job, I can't have in on me, near me, etc. but I don't care about others use of the stuff. What I do care about is my sobriety and my safety. Don't feel that you have to compromise yourself for anyone. If he really likes you, he'll understand. This is your life, this is something you can be picky about and should be.

Belier

Thanks for the feedback and input. The good thing is every date we have been on he does not even think of drinking (which I find strange!) But that is a good thing, he said he would not care if he ever drank again. It does not appear to be an addiction, and that is one thing I have experience with.

smacked

Honestly, it's just gotta be what you're either willing to live with or not. Personally, I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who smoked weed. We all have the right to make boundaries in our lives about what we will and will not accept. If it isn't a big deal to you, well then it isn't... but I know I'm pretty protective of my sobriety, so I 'err' on the side of caution most days.

Soberpotamus

Maybe test the waters a bit more... go with your gut feelings about his level of involvement/dependence on it. And I ditto what smacked (above poster) said about boundaries and what YOU are willing to accept in a relationship. Good luck!

instant

Ring
It doesn't sound like dope has been an issue for you in the past- but would you feel over time you could join him in use? The second thing is early in relationships we can be on our best behaviour and tend to minimise our issues- so it could be a bigger issue for him than he lets on?

Anna

Ring, I think it's good that you're being cautious.

And, I agree that boundaries are very important and that's what you need to consider at this point.

ozgoddess

This is my opinion, but it really irks me when people under play the damage that pot can do. There is no drug that is better or worse than another. If we are addicted, we are addicted and it doesn't matter what the poison is!!

I started dating a guy years ago that told me that he occasionally smoked pot. I believed him... turns out that he could not function with out the stuff and smoked it excessively. I found out the hard way that he was an addict, and things did not come to light until we moved in together.

Ring if the guy you are dating is addicted, you will probably find out soon enough. Just remember that as addicts, we tend to down play our level of addiction when we are in denial.

I do hope it works out for you but again, in my opinion, if you are questioning it at this stage, then perhaps you should go with your gut feeling. Personally, I would not put my sobriety at risk.

doggonecarl

Ring, if you were seeing this guy while you were drinking, and four weeks in, while we are still on our best behavior, what would have you said about your drinking? That you had just a few before bed?

As for its innocence...I guess its like alcohol. Some drink normal, some to excess. My pot smoking was to excess. But I never told a date that. Good luck.

SwanSong

Same as Carl. Never told a GF I had a problem with alcohol, pot, whatever until I was found out.

That said, I'd date someone who drinks. Pot is legal in my state. So I side with the opinion that pot or alcohol are not the problem, but rather whether it's abuse or like many of my AA friends better halves that drink- normal, zero problem inducing occasional use.

What scares me, is the 'I use it to get to sleep'. I hate this term, but here goes: I'd date a "normie" who has an occasional beer, wine etc. But if they said I sometimes use alcohol to help me sleep I'd see that as anything but normal and reg flags would be hitting me in the forehead!

But that's just me

Abbzi

I wondering if Oz Goddess and I dated the same guy..lol word for word it was my experience... in the early days he said he smoked socially... mmm my radar clicked in but he seemed to have been honest about it.. almost about to sell up and move in when it became apparent it was chronic... luckily I had strong boundaries at the time and got out...

It was his choice to smoke, but I wasnt risking it.. and to be honest I didnt want a relationship with someone who was out of it when I worked so hard at living life and experincing all the good that goes with it straight....

My drinking began with just needing two glasses to sleep and others have mentioned theres the illegality of it...

EmeraldRose

Personally, I think the dating scene can be a dangerous temptation in early recovery as it is. Then having a guy that smokes weed on top of that. I would feel like I'm standing to close to the edge without a parachute. I'd feel spiritually out of balance.
I think it would be different if he said he was in recovery. You'd have so much in common and you'd have each other for support. Relationships blossom when two people are in the same like mind and soul. If he has no intension of stopping for you then I'd move on. Go with your gut. It's always right.

Zencat

If I was dating someone was doing a little 'medical' pot for sleep or whatnot...I would wonder. I did a 'little' pot for sleep, wake up to bake up, get some get up and go...k-no... just a few tokes on the sly. No big deal in my book.

The deal was...I lied. I would tell people, girlfriends a bit less that the whole truth. Why hell I uses a tat of speed to perk-up in the mornings. Not like I had a problem and that jazz.