Bonus Time
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 456
Bonus Time
In about November of last year my drinking had finally become deadly to me. I had lost a lot of weight. I had no appetite. I was depressed and alcohol didn't just didn't do it for me anymore.
I had a premonition - that I would die in June of 2011. I wasn't upset about it. I just accepted it as fact. I felt sad for my children but I knew I had an insurance policy that would take better care of them than I could. They were 4 and 7 at the time.
In January I woke up in the the middle of the night with wretched pains in my chest. It was like there was broken glass stuck in my heart and lungs. It ended up being a pulmonary embolism (blood clot in the lung). I was in the hospital for a week. I was almost satisfied that I wasn't being fatalist, that I was correct in my prognesses of early demise. I learned later that the PE was likely caused by vitamin definciencies caused by my alcohol abuse.
I got home and started drinking again, harder than ever and felt even more miserable that I had to drink. I looked forward to June when I wouldn't have to do it anymore.
I was very lucky that I was pulled over for my 1st DUI in February. Something clicked inside and the insanity my life had become was placed in front of me - for the first time in many years I knew I had to make a choice and more importantly, I wanted to make a change.
The next morning I called in sick to work and found myself in an AA meeting- since I didn't know where else to go. I went to 3 meetings that day at the same meeting hall and met a man who would later become my sponsor. He said, "My brother, you've been drinking a lot of years and you're in pretty bad shape. There are some really good in-patient treatment centers around here and you should try to get into one right away. It's very dangerous to detox on your own." All I knew is that I was cold in my soul and my fingers, trembling on the inside, shaking on the outside and looking at a man who was at peace with himself and didn't look down at me. Rather, he actually understood how I felt He had compassion for me. He didn't look down at me at all. Others in that same room were very much the same but much is kind of a blur.
I took a month off work and went to a very good treatment center that could also oversee my medical problems from the PE. I was only 14 days sober when my insurance quit paying for treatment but I finally had something to grasp to. I was finally sober just long enough to really comprehend the misery my life had been and I was still angry at myself enough that I was going to take sober living very seriously. Sometimes it was moment by moment, but I stayed sober.
It's 11:15pm on June 30th right now ending the month that was supposed to be my last on Earth. It was punctuated earlier by the fact that I got to share some of this story while chairing the 8pm meeting in the very hall that saved my life and the life of a husband and father of 2 very wonderful young children.
"This too shall pass" and god-willing, I will go to bed sober tomorrow too after my first day of a life I didn't expect to have.
Peace,
SPG
Birthday 2-14-2011
I had a premonition - that I would die in June of 2011. I wasn't upset about it. I just accepted it as fact. I felt sad for my children but I knew I had an insurance policy that would take better care of them than I could. They were 4 and 7 at the time.
In January I woke up in the the middle of the night with wretched pains in my chest. It was like there was broken glass stuck in my heart and lungs. It ended up being a pulmonary embolism (blood clot in the lung). I was in the hospital for a week. I was almost satisfied that I wasn't being fatalist, that I was correct in my prognesses of early demise. I learned later that the PE was likely caused by vitamin definciencies caused by my alcohol abuse.
I got home and started drinking again, harder than ever and felt even more miserable that I had to drink. I looked forward to June when I wouldn't have to do it anymore.
I was very lucky that I was pulled over for my 1st DUI in February. Something clicked inside and the insanity my life had become was placed in front of me - for the first time in many years I knew I had to make a choice and more importantly, I wanted to make a change.
The next morning I called in sick to work and found myself in an AA meeting- since I didn't know where else to go. I went to 3 meetings that day at the same meeting hall and met a man who would later become my sponsor. He said, "My brother, you've been drinking a lot of years and you're in pretty bad shape. There are some really good in-patient treatment centers around here and you should try to get into one right away. It's very dangerous to detox on your own." All I knew is that I was cold in my soul and my fingers, trembling on the inside, shaking on the outside and looking at a man who was at peace with himself and didn't look down at me. Rather, he actually understood how I felt He had compassion for me. He didn't look down at me at all. Others in that same room were very much the same but much is kind of a blur.
I took a month off work and went to a very good treatment center that could also oversee my medical problems from the PE. I was only 14 days sober when my insurance quit paying for treatment but I finally had something to grasp to. I was finally sober just long enough to really comprehend the misery my life had been and I was still angry at myself enough that I was going to take sober living very seriously. Sometimes it was moment by moment, but I stayed sober.
It's 11:15pm on June 30th right now ending the month that was supposed to be my last on Earth. It was punctuated earlier by the fact that I got to share some of this story while chairing the 8pm meeting in the very hall that saved my life and the life of a husband and father of 2 very wonderful young children.
"This too shall pass" and god-willing, I will go to bed sober tomorrow too after my first day of a life I didn't expect to have.
Peace,
SPG
Birthday 2-14-2011
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Venus, Space
Posts: 757
Thanks for sharing StPete. I'm glad you decided to choose a sober life and living instead of letting alcoholism kill you, quickly or slowly.
That decision you made is the most important decision, I believe, we ever get to make.
Your children, wife, family, etc. are also rewarded but it's my opinion we have to do this for ourselves if we intend to ever really make it last.
That decision you made is the most important decision, I believe, we ever get to make.
Your children, wife, family, etc. are also rewarded but it's my opinion we have to do this for ourselves if we intend to ever really make it last.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 694
Good stuff!
That DUI was a blessing just as my daughter going to the emergency room in Feb was, luckily she was ok but it was my wake up call.
Im glad to see your still awake! If ya booze ya snooze...
Class of February 2011
That DUI was a blessing just as my daughter going to the emergency room in Feb was, luckily she was ok but it was my wake up call.
Im glad to see your still awake! If ya booze ya snooze...
Class of February 2011
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
Great milestone SPG! Welcome to July.
You know what? I had a PE once too. It's darned scary. But I had never heard any connection to alcohol. I probably wasn't drinking too much then, but I doubt I'll ever have another serious hangover if I imagine ANY connection to a PE.
I've had that pain, been unable to breathe, been told that if I moved wrong it could move and go to my brain...well then. Non-drinker.
You know what? I had a PE once too. It's darned scary. But I had never heard any connection to alcohol. I probably wasn't drinking too much then, but I doubt I'll ever have another serious hangover if I imagine ANY connection to a PE.
I've had that pain, been unable to breathe, been told that if I moved wrong it could move and go to my brain...well then. Non-drinker.
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