mazzie

Last night my soon to be exah threatened suicide on a message on my phone, through a text and on facebook. I cut contact over a week ago. When he came home from his 3 week stay in rehab the beginning of the month he decided to get his own appartment so he could "work on himself" -found out after 3 days he moved a girl whom he met in rehab in with him. I started my own program with nar-anon and have since dove into my own recovery with my codependency. I told him not to come home in April until he went to rehab and he had affairs during the weeks prior to rehab while he was away claiming they happened during blackout periods. After I found out about the other girl and that he was still talking to one of the girls he had beeen with prior to rehab(also was getting high with then too) I got it through my head that it was time to accept my reality. I changed my facebook status to single during the middle of the night that week so nobody would have to see it as one of affirmations of getting my dependence back without causing a big stir, but he must have been checking it at some time because since then he decided he wanted his family back. We have eight kids between us that have been devastated by the craziness going on. My 2 and my stepchildren are being separated after thier moms found out what has happened and I am very lucky that I get along with their moms and 3 of them are still aloud to come over with me (he and I had custody until all of this for 6 years now). Most of them wont even talk to him at this point because of it now. After a huge argument, as I said I cut contact with him to make it easier to detach because he flipflopped his thoughts so bad with where he wants his life to be. I just couldn't take the emotional back and forth any more. I had a mutual friend call to check on him and then called 911 to let them know about the suicide threats as well. I had another friend check on him thismorning because i called the hospital and he hadn't been checked in and they said he was ok. I'm still freaking out though and still am sticking to no contact, but it hurts so bad. I hate this, I don't know what to tell the kids(all preteen and teen) to comfort them at this point, anyone that is conected to any our facebooks have seen all this now - he has put almost everything on there that has happened till now. I really don't know what to do. I feel like all the progress I made on myself just got blown apart.

Ann

Mazzie, I know it's hard but just hang on to your recovery for dear life. You are worth it.

Suicide threats are common with addicts, mostly to be manipulative and even when sincere, there is nothing we can do to stop them.

And, if it's any consolation, I worked at a rehab for a couple of years and I never once saw any resident who behaved like that, hang on to recovery for more than a week or two.

You are worth a better life than this, keep walking with your head held high and don't look back.

Hugs

Freedom1990

Mazzie, having someone call 911 was the right thing to do. If he was serious, then he's in the hands of professionals equipped to deal with it. If he's not serious, he will probably think twice about pulling that stunt again.

I have no suggestions on what to tell the kids, but as Ann said, hold onto your recovery with all your might! You're doing great!

Kindeyes

Mazzie
I stayed in a marriage for five years because my ex threatened to kill himself if I left him........I finally left him anyway. That was 28 years ago....he's still alive.

Accepting that we cannot control another person is Step One stuff. We can't control their use of drugs and we cannot control if they choose to take their life. When they use suicide as a means of manipulation it is the cruelest form of emotional abuse. We allow ourselves to become their hostage.....and they know it.

Calling 911 was the right thing to do.

I understand how much it hurts.

gentle hugs
ke

dollydo

Right after I tossed exabf out, he called his sister in another state and said he was going to end it all. She called me, thinking I would go and check on him or something. I told her to call 911, she did. The sheriffs department went to his apartment, knocked, he let them in, he was drinking a beer and eating a pizza! When they questioned him about the sucide threat, he said, "Oh that, I just wanted to see if anyone cared."

His sister was pizzzzzzed, I told her if he pulled that stunt again, she should just call 911, not me.

You have to take the threats seriously, so calling 911 was the right thing to do.

As for the teen aged children, I believe that they are old enough to know the truth.