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So done...but terrified!

Old 06-29-2011, 01:04 PM
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Unhappy So done...but terrified!

Hello all.....first post for me! I am a 42 yr old mother of eight and gramma of 2...been fighting alcohol for 5 years and severe drinking the past 2. Was up to anywhere from 12 to 30 beers PER DAY usually followed by 1-2 bottles of vodka. Began experiencing really horrible medical issues (alcohol induced I'm sure) and with no insurance, never had them seen about. Got REALLY bad this past Sunday...threw my 23 yr old Son out while I was smashed, and woke up Monday wondering where he was! He was trying to take my vodka away. What a pathetic excuse for a Mom.
I haven't touched a drop since. Nor do I plan to. Withdrawl is alot easier than I imagined, or it really hasn't started yet! I am lucky to have my hubby home this week as he is a definite deterrent, but I have no idea what will happen when he returns to work next week. Unfortunately, he really doesn't understand what alcoholism is and really believes you can just "walk away". I am trying not to focus on his thoughts right now...just came here looking for support from someone who gets it! Sorry to rant, just getting it out! Thanks for listening!:
Missducky
Also....on Monday, all I could think about was how WONDERFUL my life would be without alcohol.
Today, it's how HORRIBLE my life will be without alcohol. Anyone have any ideas on POSITIVE reinforcement??
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Old 06-29-2011, 01:09 PM
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Hi and Welcome,

Yes, it's definitely a roller-coaster ride of emotions when you stop drinking. I'm glad you are ready to live a sober life.

My advice would be to focus on the day and don't let yourself get overwhelmed thinking of forever.

There is lots of support here and we do undertstand.
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Old 06-29-2011, 01:20 PM
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MissDucky, welcome!

The best advice I received from all the lovely supportive folks on here (and I'm only on Day 5 here, but so far so good) is to approach sobriety only for today. Meaning, don't think about anything other than today...no "but what about Christmas?" or "I can't drink forever, ever?"

Just today. "Today I will not drink alcohol."

When tomorrow becomes today, you can deal with it then. But don't worry about tomorrow just yet!
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Old 06-29-2011, 01:21 PM
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Wow 8 kids! Whoo hoo! I'm glad you reached out here, no need to apologize for posting how you feel or what you're thinking. You are not alone by any means.

I had the obsessive thoughts big time right away and I still have them at 47 days but not as badly. I have to say that the minute I start to think, "I can never drink again," I shut myself up and focus on not drinking TODAY. I can't think past today because I get all freaked out. The disease will tell you to drink, don't listen to it. This stuff will kill you and by what I've read you have a whole heck of a lot to live for!

Have you seen any medical professional? Coming off that much alcohol can be dangerous.
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Old 06-29-2011, 01:21 PM
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Hi there. I'm on Day 10 and life is far better without alcohol. First, you will feel better any day now. You will not have muscle aches and you will wake up feeling joyful. You will remember the movies you watch. You will want to run around with all those kids--and it sounds like you've got some running to do.

If you have been drinking long enough you might have lost focus of how life is lovely without alcohol, but I suspect in a week or so you'll start to see it.

Hang in there and keep posting. You will here lots of reasons life is better without alcohol.
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Old 06-29-2011, 01:22 PM
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Welcome to Sober Recovery, you found a great place to help you on your journey. Take it one day at a time, one minute at a time if need be, you can do this!
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Old 06-29-2011, 01:27 PM
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hey miss ducky,

I'm not a super wonderful source for advice since I'm only on day two of recovery, but just wanted to say welcome. I've been using this site for over a month now (lurking and before my last relapase) Its a wonderful online community full of supportive people who have been through, or are going through many of the same things you are.

Anyone have any ideas on POSITIVE reinforcement??
Find something else to do that you enjoy during the times you would normally be drinking. I've been walking.... and going to bed early. I loooove to sleeeep. I'm also keeping plenty of sparkling water and diet soda in stock. I also love carbonation and (being a former beer girl) like to have something fizzy.

Keep at it no matter how hard it gets. Life is beautiful and sunny the way it is, why do we foggy it up with alcohol?

best of luck and "see" you around....
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Old 06-29-2011, 01:33 PM
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Hello, you have found a great place keep coming to it and rant and scream and cry whatever the f you need to do to get through any moment when your brain says you want to drink!!!

Being a life long drinker myself and just doing soberity for the first time, I dont know to much I only have 9 days but they have been a full nine days, unlike being smashed all day and night.

I am taking the AA route and I highly recommend it but what ever you choose just choose one thing not to drink and the sun will shine upon your face again.

Take care of yourself -hope to hear from you soon
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Old 06-29-2011, 01:43 PM
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Welcome. Having only half as many kids as you but the feelings and situations are regretfully just the same. My 29 year old could probably tell some stories.
I finally realize I was done 5 months ago -hit a 6 week rehab program and currently am in AA. I drank for 30 years and believe me when I say it can be done. Have faith.
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Old 06-29-2011, 01:45 PM
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Alcohol has made me do some horrible things. I have come to view it as an evil spirit, but one that can't come in unless I invite it in. My children became very frustrated with my drinking problem, to the point that one of my daughters refused to see or talk to me for months. I'm about to have a new granddaughter, any day now. I want to be the kind of grandmother that I was lucky enough to have. I want to be around to teach her how to play soccer and ride a horse. I want to live long enough see her grow up. If I drink, I won't live long enough. I have found so much support and encouragement with SR. For the first time in a long time, I feel that there is hope.
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Old 06-29-2011, 02:01 PM
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By the way just saw your from Waynsville, just want to say best wishes from someone a little local, I live just south of Cleveland


Peace
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Old 06-29-2011, 02:08 PM
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Oh my!!! I think I found my place!! Thanks to ALL for the kind words and encouragement! I will continue to try my best to stay away from the stuff....I will post alot because I feel so good after seeing my words in "print"!
To 1undone...no I have not. Maybe I have read too much about withdrawls, but i haven't even had the shakes...just a headache and sooo tired. Like I said, maybe the withdrawls hasn't even started yet? Don't know but I am looking for more issues to arise. I have been taking a b-complex vitamin and milk thistle and drinking a TON of water. Personally, I would like to see someone if for nothing else than to deal with the pain in my right side...liver I'm guessing. Just have to find someone who will see me on nothing but a shoestring...keep ya'll posted.
Missducky
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Old 06-29-2011, 03:09 PM
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Hi MissDucky

A lot of places have free or low cost clinics now...try googling your local area and 'free clinic' - it's likely to be nothing major but any pain should checked out

You'll find a lot of support and positive reinforcement here. This place really helped me through some rough times - I hope you'll grow to love it as much as I do

Welcome!
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Old 06-29-2011, 03:19 PM
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seven days is a huge step...excellent!!

keep posting.

it saved/saves my life.
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Old 06-29-2011, 04:57 PM
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When my drinking turned me into a depressed woman I detested..off I went
to my local AA and found lots of support and undersanding....

Welcome to our recovery community...
all my best to you and your family as you find your way.
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Old 06-29-2011, 05:54 PM
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Missducky.
Given the amount you were drinking, there might still be residual alcohol in your system so that you have not yet really begun to experience serious withdrawal symptoms yet. I would strongly encourage you to seek medical care for help with detox and to get whatever other health issues addressed. Alcohol withdrawal can be life threatening so it is nothing to mess around with.
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Old 06-29-2011, 06:03 PM
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Originally Posted by missducky View Post
Also....on Monday, all I could think about was how WONDERFUL my life would be without alcohol.
Today, it's how HORRIBLE my life will be without alcohol. Anyone have any ideas on POSITIVE reinforcement??

Welcome to SR miss D !

Wow, I'll bet just about everyone has had the same kind of thoughts early on;
I sure did. Thankfully, I had the gift of desperation long enough to give AA and a little sobriety a chance.

As effectively helpful and supportive SR is,( ....and continues to be ) there's also something really meaningful about the face-to-face support in AA.

See you around.

this place rocks !!!!
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Old 06-29-2011, 06:08 PM
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Welcome Miss Ducky.x

I've been struggling for a while too and fully empathise with your feelings.

No one will judge you here, and you will get amazing support.
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Old 06-29-2011, 06:13 PM
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Originally Posted by Missducky
he really doesn't understand what alcoholism is and really believes you can just "walk away".
Yea, your husband knows half the deal. Putting the drink down is a good start. Having a place to go in recovery is the other half. Being here at SR is a nice start (or complement) to having a recovery program. AA, SMART Recovery or any other good addiction treatment plan can also help.
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