Tuesday24

Today I am feeling antsy. I desperately want alcohol out of my life for good. I made the decision to quit about a month ago. I had been thinking about it before that point but never really had a true desire.

I have been a have user for about 6 years (using everyday). I was also hiding my addiction from everyone. Although I did eventually get sloppy.

About a month ago I injured myself quite seriously (although it could have been worse) while intoxicated. I almost killed myself. I have NO recollection of this. I have blacked out and forgotten things for a long time..even when I am not drinking I know that I have cognitive impairment.

I have had SEVERAL health related issues and complications from my addiction. I apologize if I am rambling- I just need to get this off my chest. I have done things that have put myself, people that I care about and strangers in danger. I have vomited in my sleep. I have had TIA's. I have passed out every single night for as long as I can remember. Consciously going to sleep is new and kind of scary to me.

I am in a serious relationship with someone. We have been together for 3 years. I love him. Well, as much as I can love somebody in my situation. I know that he knows about my problem but he didn't know the extent of it (if he does now, I still don't know) until recently. We don't have very good communication, we don't fight either. I am scared of being alone. I am scared for my family. I am scared that I cant do it on my own. I am scared that I will end up failing my family. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be inappropriate but I have never had an intimate relationship without being drunk. I am scared to be intimate and not be drunk. I don't know what to do.

As for AA- I have been on the online forum. Everyone seems very nice and supportive- just like here. I just CANT seem to bring myself to go to a live meeting. I have a serious problem with alcohol. I just cant get over this...Is there a place for just women?? maybe a therapist would be better for me. I know it sounds stupid but I do not want to be recognized. Honestly, I am selfish in saying this but at this point I don't know what to do anymore.

Thanks for listening

LayLadyLay

AA has women-only meetings in some areas. Check you local listings!

If you imagine you would feel more confident, though, by first talking through some things with a therapist before joining a group, that sounds like it would be a good way to go, too.

Things certainly can be scary at times, but the only way to get past those fears is to acknowledge what it is that you're scared of (which you have just done here). This can also be a list of things to take to a meeting or to a therapy session!

We're all rooting for you! (This is what you will find in a meeting, too!)

Anna

There is also a Women's Forum here on the main forums page.

You can find lots of support here, so I hope that you decide you want to stop drinking.

Tuesday24

I have not had a drink in 3 days.. I think this has something to do with me feeling this way

LayLadyLay

High fives on three days, Tuesday!

Mariano

Sorry to hear you are feeling antsy. May I suggest some actions?
1. Don't drink today
2. Don't drink today
3. Google AA "women" "your local area". Once you have found a women meeting, you can approach that place and just see how it looks like from outside. Perhaps it is not so scaring. Perhaps another day you wont be so scared to enter. Perhaps you will feel the desire of entering... perhaps it is full of caring persons, not absolutely scaring...
4. If you are religious, pray. If you are not... pray also. Or at least try to practice some relaxing meditation.
5. Enter SR.
6. Read: recovery books, novels, whatever
7. Dont ruminate about the future. It is one day a time. Problems that now look impossible, perhaps in a few weeks or months will not be so serious.
8. Talk with your friends or family. Vent out.
9. Some exercise or workout will be wonderful against anxiety (even just walking).
10. Hobbies.
11. Healthy food.
12. Clean your house

A new sober life is knocking at your door.

Fenris

Thank you for your honesty Tuesday. My experience (which you may or may not relate with) is: Several counselors have told me that very few people who drink like you described find that they can quit on their own. If you want to continue to try that route, I definitely don't want to condemn you to failure, but you should be aware that the odds seemed to be stacked against you. You should know that millions of people (myself included) have been where you've been and where you are now. When I finally admitted that I had a problem that I couldn't solve on my own, I was scared, ashamed, hopeless, and lost. I needed help. I needed someone else to do for me what I could not do for myself, and admitting that was hard as hell. Going to an inpatient treatment center removed my physical dependence on alcohol and put me in a setting with people who not only understood me, but had done many of the same things I had done. Going to outpatient treatment (last night was my "graduation", yay!) and going to AA meetings continued that. Getting a sponsor and coming to this forum, reading the Big Book, keeping a journal...hell, most of my day is devoted towards things that have kept other people sober, things that I hope will keep me sober. Things that keep me from sinking into my own head and living there. It's up to you to decide what path to sobriety you want to take, but please keep in mind that whatever you've done when drunk, nobody in an AA meeting is going to look at you like you've grown a second head; and if anybody does recognize you in a meeting, well, they're at the meeting for the same reason as you are, aren't they? A lot of cities have women's only meetings. I hope that you get the help that you need, whether through AA or a therapist or any other way. These forums are good for a lot of help, but I also think it's important to have that face-to-face experience with people who've walked in your shoes.

--Fenris.

Tuesday24

Thank you Fenris. A week ago, I would not even consider going to a meeting. I think that I am slowly getting there. I am very stubborn- guess it comes with the package. I am starting to see that there can be hope- which is a 180 from where I was. I am going to hang in there

Fenris

Tuesday, that's good to hear. Hope is one of our best weapons against this. Find it and use it.

thirtybubba

Hi there! Hang in there!

Enchantedhorse

Tuesday,
I am in a similar situation with a relationship. I have come to the realization that I can't really have a sucessful relationship with anyone until I know and like myself. Fortunately, my partner is also my neighbor... and my best friend, so we are able to slow things down a bit, while I try to get myself streight. I try to have faith that things will work out... maybe not the way that I envision, but the way that they are supposed to. I wish you serenity, courage, and wisdom.

IndaMiricale

Co;ngtats and keep up the hard work cause it is just that but, I is work you can be very proud of and wiill make you feel great


Just throwin it out there try to get that courage up to go to all womens AA meeting . I am a guy but, also new to AA just went four days ago to my first meeting ever.


And have gone back everyday for me it reals has helped and I think its something that can keep people like us alive.

Hope to see more of your soberity soon

Peace

Tuesday24

Thanks Everyone. It is so hard to put my thoughts into words.. but I am trying

artsoul

Most definitely! I remember having to keep things REALLY simple for a week or two..... Give yourself some time. It's a process, but things will start getting a little better every day. Congratulations on your 3 days!

CarolD

You are barely de toxed.....so please give yourself time to get back in balance physically and emotionally....
Drink a lot of water...it flushes out the toxins. be gentle with yourself...you are healing.

Glad to see you again and Yes...you too can win over alcohol.