Confronted My Ex About Her Problem
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 27
Confronted My Ex About Her Problem
My ex comes from a family of alcoholics.
Background
Grandfathers on both sides were alcoholics
Mother - This is her 2nd marriage. Current alcoholic. Has to have a few drinks every night.
Father - This is his 2nd marriage. Hasn't drank for over 15 years. He's an enabler though. He drives his wife to the bar and stays with her.
2 Sisters - One drinks heavily on weekends (1/2 sister), not sure about weekdays. The other pops her husbands pain killers (full sister)
About My Ex
Early in our relationship I called her out about her drinking b/c she got *********, overslept and was late arriving at my place. I was pissed and told her to stay home and that she has a drinking problem. Anyways, we made amends and she told one of her girlfriends who of course said she doesn't have a drinking problem (I think they don't want to be the bad guy).
After denial she told me later that I was right. She was drinking a lot. Since that point her drinking was NEVER an issue. We would go out on a Saturday and have 2 drinks. On sunday we wouldn't drink at all.
During the week she would have a glass of wine or 2 here and there. She's VERY honest about her past and what she does currently.
She smokes pot everyday. Currently, she's living with her child in an apartment. She's divorced b/c she was in a abusive relationship (not physical, just him yelling and being a dick) and he was an alcoholic (shocker).
She was with the guy for 8 year but she left him once. Her last year with him she slept on the couch, while she saved money for a lawyer and an apartment.
She broke up with me and she wanted to get back together. This woke me up b/c I hate the fact she smokes pot and drinks (due to her background). I realized I would be an enabler. People only change when they want to!!!!!
She quit pot for 6 months during the divorce (didn't want to lose her kid) but she drank a lot more. She suffers from depression and I feel the pot and booze play a big role.
During the weekend I told her I can't be in a relationship with someone who has a drinking and pot problem. (Ex. She texted me 1 day at 8:59am after our breakup, talking about making a drink and heading to the pool. She had 2 drinks between the hours of 9am - 1pm.)
We barely talk now. She was upset that I point out her flaws but she's in denial as well. She's a flawed creature.
Good
Got a degree from a good university
Amazing with kids
Great to her son
Extremely smart & caring
Good person, extremely strong
Getting therapy for her & her son. She admits she has issues (men) and she's working on getting better.
Bad
Comes from a family addicts
Smokes a pack of butts a day
Smokes pot daily
Boozes more when pot isn't available or when she's with her sister
I laid things on thick with her but I feel like the people closest to her tip toe around this. Her half sister worries about her (she needs to worry about herself but whatever)...
Did I go about this the right way? I NEVER yelled. I told her good qualities but I'm concerned about her drinking and pot smoking and here's why.....
I apologize in advance for such a long post. I would really appreciate some feedback!!
Background
Grandfathers on both sides were alcoholics
Mother - This is her 2nd marriage. Current alcoholic. Has to have a few drinks every night.
Father - This is his 2nd marriage. Hasn't drank for over 15 years. He's an enabler though. He drives his wife to the bar and stays with her.
2 Sisters - One drinks heavily on weekends (1/2 sister), not sure about weekdays. The other pops her husbands pain killers (full sister)
About My Ex
Early in our relationship I called her out about her drinking b/c she got *********, overslept and was late arriving at my place. I was pissed and told her to stay home and that she has a drinking problem. Anyways, we made amends and she told one of her girlfriends who of course said she doesn't have a drinking problem (I think they don't want to be the bad guy).
After denial she told me later that I was right. She was drinking a lot. Since that point her drinking was NEVER an issue. We would go out on a Saturday and have 2 drinks. On sunday we wouldn't drink at all.
During the week she would have a glass of wine or 2 here and there. She's VERY honest about her past and what she does currently.
She smokes pot everyday. Currently, she's living with her child in an apartment. She's divorced b/c she was in a abusive relationship (not physical, just him yelling and being a dick) and he was an alcoholic (shocker).
She was with the guy for 8 year but she left him once. Her last year with him she slept on the couch, while she saved money for a lawyer and an apartment.
She broke up with me and she wanted to get back together. This woke me up b/c I hate the fact she smokes pot and drinks (due to her background). I realized I would be an enabler. People only change when they want to!!!!!
She quit pot for 6 months during the divorce (didn't want to lose her kid) but she drank a lot more. She suffers from depression and I feel the pot and booze play a big role.
During the weekend I told her I can't be in a relationship with someone who has a drinking and pot problem. (Ex. She texted me 1 day at 8:59am after our breakup, talking about making a drink and heading to the pool. She had 2 drinks between the hours of 9am - 1pm.)
We barely talk now. She was upset that I point out her flaws but she's in denial as well. She's a flawed creature.
Good
Got a degree from a good university
Amazing with kids
Great to her son
Extremely smart & caring
Good person, extremely strong
Getting therapy for her & her son. She admits she has issues (men) and she's working on getting better.
Bad
Comes from a family addicts
Smokes a pack of butts a day
Smokes pot daily
Boozes more when pot isn't available or when she's with her sister
I laid things on thick with her but I feel like the people closest to her tip toe around this. Her half sister worries about her (she needs to worry about herself but whatever)...
Did I go about this the right way? I NEVER yelled. I told her good qualities but I'm concerned about her drinking and pot smoking and here's why.....
I apologize in advance for such a long post. I would really appreciate some feedback!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 27
Me too Anna. She's extremely attractive and bright. I told her I wasted a lot of time in my life and not to make my mistakes.
It's been over week since she broke up with me. We talked here and there for a few days but we both talked in circles...we're both hurting from this breakup. Thank god it happened sooner, rather than later. I haven't spoken to her since last saturday afternoon (i ignored her last text). It feels like I haven't spoken to her in a month!!
One last note...she did tell me she's not proud she smokes pot. She's made strides but I have to let her know she lost a good thing b/c of this. Hopefully, she'll think long and hard.
It's been over week since she broke up with me. We talked here and there for a few days but we both talked in circles...we're both hurting from this breakup. Thank god it happened sooner, rather than later. I haven't spoken to her since last saturday afternoon (i ignored her last text). It feels like I haven't spoken to her in a month!!
One last note...she did tell me she's not proud she smokes pot. She's made strides but I have to let her know she lost a good thing b/c of this. Hopefully, she'll think long and hard.
rode hard and put away wet
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 999
You probably have less power in this situation to control her using than you think. She needs to find her own path of recovery and you; your own.
My husband has found Al Anon extremely helpful in dealing with the alkies in his life and I use both AA and Al Anon because I seek help for my addictions and seek support because many of my family are also so afflicted.
Hope both of you find some peace.
Much love.
My husband has found Al Anon extremely helpful in dealing with the alkies in his life and I use both AA and Al Anon because I seek help for my addictions and seek support because many of my family are also so afflicted.
Hope both of you find some peace.
Much love.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by bellakeller 
You probably have less power in this situation to control her using than you think. She needs to find her own path of recovery and you; your own.
My husband has found Al Anon extremely helpful in dealing with the alkies in his life and I use both AA and Al Anon because I seek help for my addictions and seek support because many of my family are also so afflicted.
Hope both of you find some peace.
Much love.
My husband has found Al Anon extremely helpful in dealing with the alkies in his life and I use both AA and Al Anon because I seek help for my addictions and seek support because many of my family are also so afflicted.
Hope both of you find some peace.
Much love.
All I could do was call her out. I just got sucked in due to love. When she broke up with me, that's when I stepped back and said "Hey, this isn't cool." She's wasting her life and I'm going along with things!!
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