Wow - I think there is a light at the end of the tunnel!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 49
Wow - I think there is a light at the end of the tunnel!
Some of you may remember me over the past years; I've been here when the chips are down and ready to divorce my AH, only to drift away as things "get better". Well, it's been 2 1/2 years now of time that could have spent happy but has been otherwise stuck spinning it's wheels in the roller coaster ride that is alcoholism.
I have spent so much time believing lies, ending up in financial ruin, feeling a sense of entrapment and complete loss of self. I just figured I was a victim of the disease, that it was my lot in life to stand on the outskirts of my own life. Well, that all ended on Sunday...
I have heard others speak of this - a kind of outer body experience. After endless hours of verbal abuse and ridiculous circular talk, not to mention the awful behavior and language that was displayed to and in front of our children, I actually saw what was going on from an outsider's viewpoint. It's like I no longer cared and I just wanted it to end [I]for real this time.[I] I knew what I had to do and I knew there was no longer going to be any turning back.
I called my attorney first thing Monday morning. I told him that it was back to the original plan (I had put this on hold several times with him and I am pretty sure he thinks I'm nuts!). I told AH this and he said he would be checking into rehab on Thursday and would move out ASAP. Funny thing was, it didn't matter anymore!
He was served papers last night. I had no idea that was going to happen so fast so I was totally unprepared. It was not pretty, let's just say that. But, for the first time EVER I just either ignored him or kept saying NO.
No, I don't want to discuss this further;
No, I don't want to meet you outside;
No, I'm not going to stand for your abuse any longer;
No, I will not allow our children to live this way any longer;
No, it won't change anything if you actually check yourself into rehab;
It was so empowering yet utterly terrifying! I feel quite liberated this morning. I know that it will get worse before it gets better, but I meet with the attorney this morning and he will, once again, put it in his purely factual way of how this is going to go down.
I truly hope AH proceeds with the rehab route and his journey of recovery. He has a long way to go and not really much support any longer. His family doesn't believe he has a problem - I totally opened up a nasty can of worms on his side - and my family, while understanding and supporting (alcoholism runs rampant on my side), will need to be here for me.
Thanks to you all that share your stories here. It sure was a godsend last night! I just read, read, read while the Quacking was going on!
Here is to sunnier days!
I have spent so much time believing lies, ending up in financial ruin, feeling a sense of entrapment and complete loss of self. I just figured I was a victim of the disease, that it was my lot in life to stand on the outskirts of my own life. Well, that all ended on Sunday...
I have heard others speak of this - a kind of outer body experience. After endless hours of verbal abuse and ridiculous circular talk, not to mention the awful behavior and language that was displayed to and in front of our children, I actually saw what was going on from an outsider's viewpoint. It's like I no longer cared and I just wanted it to end [I]for real this time.[I] I knew what I had to do and I knew there was no longer going to be any turning back.
I called my attorney first thing Monday morning. I told him that it was back to the original plan (I had put this on hold several times with him and I am pretty sure he thinks I'm nuts!). I told AH this and he said he would be checking into rehab on Thursday and would move out ASAP. Funny thing was, it didn't matter anymore!
He was served papers last night. I had no idea that was going to happen so fast so I was totally unprepared. It was not pretty, let's just say that. But, for the first time EVER I just either ignored him or kept saying NO.
No, I don't want to discuss this further;
No, I don't want to meet you outside;
No, I'm not going to stand for your abuse any longer;
No, I will not allow our children to live this way any longer;
No, it won't change anything if you actually check yourself into rehab;
It was so empowering yet utterly terrifying! I feel quite liberated this morning. I know that it will get worse before it gets better, but I meet with the attorney this morning and he will, once again, put it in his purely factual way of how this is going to go down.
I truly hope AH proceeds with the rehab route and his journey of recovery. He has a long way to go and not really much support any longer. His family doesn't believe he has a problem - I totally opened up a nasty can of worms on his side - and my family, while understanding and supporting (alcoholism runs rampant on my side), will need to be here for me.
Thanks to you all that share your stories here. It sure was a godsend last night! I just read, read, read while the Quacking was going on!
Here is to sunnier days!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Wow, what a powerful message of hope and recovery on your part! I can so identify with the feelings of being terrified and yet empowered. 
This is the beginning of better days for you and the children. Please do keep us updated as things progress, okay?
This is the beginning of better days for you and the children. Please do keep us updated as things progress, okay?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Way to go Happiness fairy, wishing you all the best on your new journey. Something quite similiar happened to me, I was alone in the kitchen, when it felt like something hit me in the head, and screamed NO MORE right in my ear.
Can't help wondering is it the subconscious brain, a guardian angel, or HP ? Whatever it was, became the most eye opening experience, and I was free, and the rollercoaster ride was over, a certain A no longer had the power to influence me any longer. In retrospect , cannot figure out why in the world I tolerated things for so long. Kept wishing and hoping that Mr. wonderful would return, but instead I was spending time with Mr. jack daniels. And he is an awful guy. Best wishes to you and your children.
Can't help wondering is it the subconscious brain, a guardian angel, or HP ? Whatever it was, became the most eye opening experience, and I was free, and the rollercoaster ride was over, a certain A no longer had the power to influence me any longer. In retrospect , cannot figure out why in the world I tolerated things for so long. Kept wishing and hoping that Mr. wonderful would return, but instead I was spending time with Mr. jack daniels. And he is an awful guy. Best wishes to you and your children.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 49
Darklight - that was hysterical! That was totally what I needed! 
This has been the crappiest day yet. The abuse continues and that is totally the light I was seeing today. I needed comic relief! As always, thanks to you all for the support!
This has been the crappiest day yet. The abuse continues and that is totally the light I was seeing today. I needed comic relief! As always, thanks to you all for the support!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: carolina girl
Posts: 578
Thanks for sharing happinessfairy, and i'm glad you have come to a decision that you are so comfortable wiith.
A common question on here, is how much should I tolerate?, how will I know when it's time to throw in the towel? How many chances should I give them?
When you know, you just know. It hits you like a ton of bricks, and like you said, their response is neither here nor there when you've finally had enough. Because we finally aren't making a decision or drawing a boundary simply for a reaction, hoping to get a response. Go to rehab, say you'll quit again, whatever, I don't care anymore. You made a decision, voiced it, and then let go of the results. No matter how they try to sweeten the pot, i'm still gonna fold the hand.
I'm so proud of you. Those two years weren't a waste, it was all part of the process that brought you to being able to make this decision so comfortably and completely now. You had to go through just a bit more, to realize %100 that it wasn't what you wanted.
Hugs to you, keep lookin at that light girl!
A common question on here, is how much should I tolerate?, how will I know when it's time to throw in the towel? How many chances should I give them?
When you know, you just know. It hits you like a ton of bricks, and like you said, their response is neither here nor there when you've finally had enough. Because we finally aren't making a decision or drawing a boundary simply for a reaction, hoping to get a response. Go to rehab, say you'll quit again, whatever, I don't care anymore. You made a decision, voiced it, and then let go of the results. No matter how they try to sweeten the pot, i'm still gonna fold the hand.
I'm so proud of you. Those two years weren't a waste, it was all part of the process that brought you to being able to make this decision so comfortably and completely now. You had to go through just a bit more, to realize %100 that it wasn't what you wanted.
Hugs to you, keep lookin at that light girl!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 837
Great news happiness fairy! I too will be divorced on Sept. 7 and looking forward to it if just to begin to get a good nights sleep. Here's to no longer living in an asylum and looking out the window at all the Normie's having a LIFE, we too can have a life. God has plans for our life and soon we will be free to follow it.
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