Letter to a friend.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 377
Letter to a friend.
So 2 months sober, and becoming honest again.
I will be posting a letter I just wrote to a friend here in a second. But first let me give you some background on this letter
Before I decided to stop drinking (2 months ago) I had booked a Flight to Colorado for a week trip. This trip was with a friend I had not seen in over 5 years, and we were also drinking friends. Her and I were to also drive to Nebraska where I would meet up with more friends I had not seen in over 5 years. So, basicly there was going to be a lot of drinking going on. After getting sober I decided not to take this trip on better judgement. I let my friend know, and she totally understood and felt it was for the best as well.
Well about a month ago my buddy wins the lotto. Crazy I know! Calls me up excited and tells me all about it. During this conversation I break it to him that I wont be coming out to Nebraska as expected. He was sad to hear that, but then asks if I want change my Colorado flight, and fly directly into Lincoln. He also says he will buy a return right for me. That I should stay 2 weeks, and he wont be drink while I am out. (I do know for a fact he respects my non-drinking choices, and would be in a good environment there). So, I accept his offer and say ok lets do it. -This was about a 3 weeks ago when we changed all my flights.
So now this trip is supposed to happen in 9 days. Being that I am still very new in recovery, I have been getting these CRAPPY anxiety attacks. This trip seems to be causing it for some reason. So, after much thought I decided to one again BACK out on another trip, but this time a friend funded the flight. I just dont feel up tp going, and feel horriable his money will have gone to waste on the flight. But in atempt to help him understand, I wrote him this letter, and wanted to share it with you all. So here it is. (Its a long one
)
LETTER BELOW
Alright. I have thought long and hard about this. I have been stressed out of my MIND for the last 2 weeks because of this. I really don't think I'm going to be able to take this trip . And let me try and explain.
Since I have quit drinking a BUTT ton of things have changed in my life. I cant begin to explain how mentally strange this all is to me. For the first time in 10+ years, I am living life completely sober. Its real strange to say the least. But what this has brought on is extreme anxiety. This anxiety makes doing daily "Normal" things seem hard. What I mean by that, is my mind is SO used to being drunk all the time that learning to live sober again is stressful; In turn, causes anxiety. This is all quite normal for a newly recovered alcoholic like myself, and will get better with time. Trying to make someone understand what I'm going through is quite difficult. For the normal person, anxiety may come off as no big deal. But sadly its not. So, trying to understand whats going on mentally in my head to a normal person is a bit useless.
So what does this all mean? Well doing things outside of the norm triggers stress, and then of course triggers panic(anxiety). Why? Hell if I know man, but again this all completely normal for someone new to recovery. Basically, my brain is healing from years and year of abuse to it. So taking this plane ride, and living outside of my "norm" scares the crap out of me. And its sooo screwed up because I have never had irrational fears like this EVER in my life. I love to travel, I love living outside the box normally! But right now, it scares the **** out of me. Just thinking about this trip triggers mental anxiety; thus, why I have been stressed out of my mind these last 2 weeks. Try to understand I won't always be like this, but right now I am because I'm still recovering.
Now, let me express my absolute gratitude of your friendship. Stefan, what you offered and did for me with this trip is at the very top of the nicest things anyone has done for me. You had something extremely fortunate happen to you, and took a little of that blessing and sent it my way without thinking twice about it. And for that, I am extremely lucky to have friends like you. I have always thought this saying is extremely true "Friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on too". And without a doubt, you are one of those few. Your true colors really shined through with this one friend. So, never think I don't respect what you did. Your generosity, with out a doubt, gets put up in my mental trophy room .
I just want you to know this decision hasn't come lightly. I've gone back and forth in my head over the past 2 weeks about this. Id bust out in a major mental panic attack, and think I CAN'T go to NE like this!! And then think how am I going to break it to you so you can understand. Then the next day I would feel fine, and tell myself pppfffttt what was I thinking, I can go to NE ill be fine - I love to travel!! But sadly I'm not fine. I'm on my WAY to being fine again, but Im not right now. The pure thought of me taking this trip screws with my mind, and in order to fully recover mentally - I need to take life slow right now.
So please good friend, try and understand what Im dealing with is very real. Know that I am doing things in my life to better myself, and I just need time I heal. I really thought, and felt I could take this trip. After-all, I love to travel. But right now Its just not possible. I really thought about trying to come up with some ******** excuse to why I couldn't come out there because what I'm dealing with is quite embarrassing. But I'm not that person anymore bud. I live life completely honest now. I just hope you can understand . It took a lot of balls to write all this lol. I have been putting writing this off for a few days because I knew you would be upset, and I hate to disappoint you. But from one friend to another, please try to understand.
Write back when you get a chance. I haven't been a big phone person lately
-Ryan
End of letter
So thats where everything stands right now. I just hope he will understand. Grrr!! I hate disapointing people! Especially now that I'm sober!!!
-Ryan
I will be posting a letter I just wrote to a friend here in a second. But first let me give you some background on this letter
Before I decided to stop drinking (2 months ago) I had booked a Flight to Colorado for a week trip. This trip was with a friend I had not seen in over 5 years, and we were also drinking friends. Her and I were to also drive to Nebraska where I would meet up with more friends I had not seen in over 5 years. So, basicly there was going to be a lot of drinking going on. After getting sober I decided not to take this trip on better judgement. I let my friend know, and she totally understood and felt it was for the best as well.
Well about a month ago my buddy wins the lotto. Crazy I know! Calls me up excited and tells me all about it. During this conversation I break it to him that I wont be coming out to Nebraska as expected. He was sad to hear that, but then asks if I want change my Colorado flight, and fly directly into Lincoln. He also says he will buy a return right for me. That I should stay 2 weeks, and he wont be drink while I am out. (I do know for a fact he respects my non-drinking choices, and would be in a good environment there). So, I accept his offer and say ok lets do it. -This was about a 3 weeks ago when we changed all my flights.
So now this trip is supposed to happen in 9 days. Being that I am still very new in recovery, I have been getting these CRAPPY anxiety attacks. This trip seems to be causing it for some reason. So, after much thought I decided to one again BACK out on another trip, but this time a friend funded the flight. I just dont feel up tp going, and feel horriable his money will have gone to waste on the flight. But in atempt to help him understand, I wrote him this letter, and wanted to share it with you all. So here it is. (Its a long one
)LETTER BELOW
Alright. I have thought long and hard about this. I have been stressed out of my MIND for the last 2 weeks because of this. I really don't think I'm going to be able to take this trip . And let me try and explain.
Since I have quit drinking a BUTT ton of things have changed in my life. I cant begin to explain how mentally strange this all is to me. For the first time in 10+ years, I am living life completely sober. Its real strange to say the least. But what this has brought on is extreme anxiety. This anxiety makes doing daily "Normal" things seem hard. What I mean by that, is my mind is SO used to being drunk all the time that learning to live sober again is stressful; In turn, causes anxiety. This is all quite normal for a newly recovered alcoholic like myself, and will get better with time. Trying to make someone understand what I'm going through is quite difficult. For the normal person, anxiety may come off as no big deal. But sadly its not. So, trying to understand whats going on mentally in my head to a normal person is a bit useless.
So what does this all mean? Well doing things outside of the norm triggers stress, and then of course triggers panic(anxiety). Why? Hell if I know man, but again this all completely normal for someone new to recovery. Basically, my brain is healing from years and year of abuse to it. So taking this plane ride, and living outside of my "norm" scares the crap out of me. And its sooo screwed up because I have never had irrational fears like this EVER in my life. I love to travel, I love living outside the box normally! But right now, it scares the **** out of me. Just thinking about this trip triggers mental anxiety; thus, why I have been stressed out of my mind these last 2 weeks. Try to understand I won't always be like this, but right now I am because I'm still recovering.
Now, let me express my absolute gratitude of your friendship. Stefan, what you offered and did for me with this trip is at the very top of the nicest things anyone has done for me. You had something extremely fortunate happen to you, and took a little of that blessing and sent it my way without thinking twice about it. And for that, I am extremely lucky to have friends like you. I have always thought this saying is extremely true "Friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on too". And without a doubt, you are one of those few. Your true colors really shined through with this one friend. So, never think I don't respect what you did. Your generosity, with out a doubt, gets put up in my mental trophy room .
I just want you to know this decision hasn't come lightly. I've gone back and forth in my head over the past 2 weeks about this. Id bust out in a major mental panic attack, and think I CAN'T go to NE like this!! And then think how am I going to break it to you so you can understand. Then the next day I would feel fine, and tell myself pppfffttt what was I thinking, I can go to NE ill be fine - I love to travel!! But sadly I'm not fine. I'm on my WAY to being fine again, but Im not right now. The pure thought of me taking this trip screws with my mind, and in order to fully recover mentally - I need to take life slow right now.
So please good friend, try and understand what Im dealing with is very real. Know that I am doing things in my life to better myself, and I just need time I heal. I really thought, and felt I could take this trip. After-all, I love to travel. But right now Its just not possible. I really thought about trying to come up with some ******** excuse to why I couldn't come out there because what I'm dealing with is quite embarrassing. But I'm not that person anymore bud. I live life completely honest now. I just hope you can understand . It took a lot of balls to write all this lol. I have been putting writing this off for a few days because I knew you would be upset, and I hate to disappoint you. But from one friend to another, please try to understand.
Write back when you get a chance. I haven't been a big phone person lately
-Ryan
End of letter
So thats where everything stands right now. I just hope he will understand. Grrr!! I hate disapointing people! Especially now that I'm sober!!!
-Ryan
Encourager In Training
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: KS
Posts: 717
Ryan - well done, Friend. And I'm overjoyed too see you value your sobriety so highly. I want you to know that I (and many others here, I'm sure) understand you've made a tough, tough decision here.
for sharing it.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: On the road to recovery
Posts: 78
I think you made a good yet difficult choice Ryan.
I am sure your friend will appreciate the time, effort you have gone to putting that down and will understand - there was a hint in them supporting you in your not drinking which tells you they are a good close friend.
You can make that trip a little later down the line and know that you will enjoy it 100 times more.
Well done
I am sure your friend will appreciate the time, effort you have gone to putting that down and will understand - there was a hint in them supporting you in your not drinking which tells you they are a good close friend.
You can make that trip a little later down the line and know that you will enjoy it 100 times more.
Well done
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Up, Up and Away
Posts: 434
It sounds to me like you made the right choice, Ryan. Sobriety has to come first in your (or at least my) life.
Can you use the ticket sometime in the future? I'm sure you would have to pay a change fee or something, but hopefully, the money won't be completely wasted.
Can you use the ticket sometime in the future? I'm sure you would have to pay a change fee or something, but hopefully, the money won't be completely wasted.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Ryan,
Good call, and a great letter. Your sobriety is solely your responsibility, and I can tell you that I didn't go anywhere other than my GFs house overnight for 6 months after I got sober.
The only thing I would add is to consider reimbursing Stephan for the $ that he paid if its not recoveable in some form. The fact that he hit the lottery doesn't change the fact that its your choice that the ticket is wasted.
Keep it up - your brain is definitely healing!
Good call, and a great letter. Your sobriety is solely your responsibility, and I can tell you that I didn't go anywhere other than my GFs house overnight for 6 months after I got sober.
The only thing I would add is to consider reimbursing Stephan for the $ that he paid if its not recoveable in some form. The fact that he hit the lottery doesn't change the fact that its your choice that the ticket is wasted.
Keep it up - your brain is definitely healing!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 74
Ryan, your letter is excellent -- heartfelt, sincere -- and it is very inspiring as well. I am really impressed with your ability to express your feelings here honestly, getting the words out, and asserting your needs. This is not something that is easy to do -- especially if you are suffering from anxiety attacks. Congrats on having the courage to do this, and I have no doubt your friend will totally understand -- and it shows you are clearly a good and appreciative friend to him as well. Great job! I will think of your letter when I need to draw those lines too and feel that I can't. Thanks for sharing.
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Hey Ryan as everyone else said well writtin letter, and he will understsand you just keep taking care of you. And everything else will follow. Kick A** on your 2 months I remember at the two week point.
Peace brother
Peace brother
God, please grant me wisdom.
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 10
Thanks for sharing your letter, Ryan. Your strength and courage are welcome inspiration. Your story gives me hope that I can get through this awfulness, if I stay committed.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 377
Thank you all for the great comments! I would like to report back on the response to this letter.
My friend was more than understanding. He totally understood my stress level right now, and said not worry about it. But he is still trying to twist my arm to get me to still come out there, but ultimately knows Its not a good idea now.
Thanks again all!!
-Ryan
My friend was more than understanding. He totally understood my stress level right now, and said not worry about it. But he is still trying to twist my arm to get me to still come out there, but ultimately knows Its not a good idea now.
Thanks again all!!
-Ryan
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