How do you cope with sad news?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Out west
Posts: 191
How do you cope with sad news?
A friend of mine informed me of some depressing news. She put her puppy down because she thought the treatment was too expensive. I don't respect her decision and I'm completely helpless to the situation as well. I am both angry and sad and feel like diving head first into a large bottle of wine. I know me getting smashed is'nt going to rectify anything, and I know my feelings are completely selfish as what's done is done. My toolbox isn't equiped for this, but the liquor store is. I could really use some suggestions.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,851
Her decisions are out of your control. How will you drinking change anything? Are you always going to dive head first into a bottle of wine when you hear sad or bad news? How does that help anything? It doesn't. Either you want to live a sober life or you don't. Decide which you want and act accordingly.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hey Elph...
Well, I agree that it's awful she did what she did.
The hardest thing about sobriety is the realization that it's okay to actually feel our emotions. Even the sucky ones.
That said, when I first quit I practiced a lot of disassociation...it helped me a lot and I now feel like I can feel my emotions without wanting to dive into a bottle.
Well, I agree that it's awful she did what she did.
The hardest thing about sobriety is the realization that it's okay to actually feel our emotions. Even the sucky ones.
That said, when I first quit I practiced a lot of disassociation...it helped me a lot and I now feel like I can feel my emotions without wanting to dive into a bottle.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
My first thought was what was wrong with the dog. And second was how much was the treatment. Third was why is it your business, unless you were offering to take the dog or pay for the treatment. I'm not trying to be mean but I obviously don't have a whole lot of information to go on.
I hope you stay safe and post a bit more. You are obviously not in a good place.
I hope you stay safe and post a bit more. You are obviously not in a good place.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 169
I wish I would have read this last night, after I found out my aunt was sent home from the hospital to say her good byes and pass away.
I owned that bottle, and then it owned me - now here I am today. (do NOT do what I did!!!)
I always have believed that everything happens for a reason. I realized now (today - after the booze-fest that masked my emotions last night) that my aunt is so lucky to have the opportunity to say good bye. And all of her friends and family have the chance to tell her how much she means to them and is loved. The cancer came quick (discovered out two weeks ago), but there is still a small window of time, and now she is ready (or as ready and anyone can be).
I feel so badly for the pup, I can't believe a vet would even allow that?! Unless perhaps this was the only option (although you mention of expensive treatment) so I am a bit confused. But, whats done is done. You can't change it, but you CAN change how to deal with your emotions. Alcohol is not needed, take it from me. My sober thoughts today are much clearer. Anger and booze only make the pain worse. IT IS NOT WORTH IT.
Remember that tomorrow will be better. Try to use your anger/emotions in a creative way (sketch, journal, paint) or drain it in a run/swim/hike.
What ever you do, do not let that bottle own you. Keep your chin up. You will feel so much stronger and much more proud of yourself when you realize that you can get through tough situations without alcohol to mask it. It will take practice (for both you and I) but coping with our emotions in a responsible way can be learned. I have faith.
I owned that bottle, and then it owned me - now here I am today. (do NOT do what I did!!!)
I always have believed that everything happens for a reason. I realized now (today - after the booze-fest that masked my emotions last night) that my aunt is so lucky to have the opportunity to say good bye. And all of her friends and family have the chance to tell her how much she means to them and is loved. The cancer came quick (discovered out two weeks ago), but there is still a small window of time, and now she is ready (or as ready and anyone can be).
I feel so badly for the pup, I can't believe a vet would even allow that?! Unless perhaps this was the only option (although you mention of expensive treatment) so I am a bit confused. But, whats done is done. You can't change it, but you CAN change how to deal with your emotions. Alcohol is not needed, take it from me. My sober thoughts today are much clearer. Anger and booze only make the pain worse. IT IS NOT WORTH IT.
Remember that tomorrow will be better. Try to use your anger/emotions in a creative way (sketch, journal, paint) or drain it in a run/swim/hike.
What ever you do, do not let that bottle own you. Keep your chin up. You will feel so much stronger and much more proud of yourself when you realize that you can get through tough situations without alcohol to mask it. It will take practice (for both you and I) but coping with our emotions in a responsible way can be learned. I have faith.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
Hi Elphaba
Some things in life are hard to deal with, and even though it wasn't your decision, I'd be unsettled and upset by it too.
But like others have said - drinking over it solves nothing, changes nothing, and would make a sad tragic thing doubly sad and tragic.
Maybe you can make a small donation to the local animal shelter or volunteer some time?
It may help you deal and make peace with all of this?
D
Some things in life are hard to deal with, and even though it wasn't your decision, I'd be unsettled and upset by it too.
But like others have said - drinking over it solves nothing, changes nothing, and would make a sad tragic thing doubly sad and tragic.
Maybe you can make a small donation to the local animal shelter or volunteer some time?
It may help you deal and make peace with all of this?
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Out west
Posts: 191
LaFemme that's actually really good advice and has really got me thinking. It never occured to me that disassociation is exactly what I want to acheive and do acheive by drinking, but there's more than one means to an end, and alternatives do exist. It really helps to see the reason why.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
With a progressive disease -in the long run she is better off putting the pup down. It is harder after you are attached and spent alot of money -then have to do it anyway.
I did that on a golden retriever that had hip displaysia.
I have no idea 'what' the problem is but I had a kennel and I fully resent the fact that its the owners choice not mine. I wish I had say in everything but I don't. There are worse scenarios of people mistreating animals that worries me more.
If you are that upset like Dee said, donate to a Vet clinic for people that need help with their bills. Alot of old ladies don't take their dogs in because they are on fixed incomes.
I am in the same situation...I recently found out that my beloved boy, Cavalier King Charles, has a fractured leg and is growing a spur (a natural healing process). The Vet that does orthopedic surgery is about 4 hours from me and will cost minimum if $1500 not including the gas back and forth for consultations, boarding and after surgery care & check ups...not to mention taking much time off work from a new job that I can't afford to do.
I am doing a pain management with inflammatory meds and other joint supplements to keep him comfy. He limps now but I'm gonna give him time and see how things go. My decision may have to be the same as your friend. And I certainly wouldn't want the guilt of having someone sacrifice their sobriety and recovery because of my decision. I would feel aweful as it was without that! Let her be...let her make her own decision for what is best for her situation.
I've realized awhile back that I can't save the world. Imagine that.
I did that on a golden retriever that had hip displaysia.
I have no idea 'what' the problem is but I had a kennel and I fully resent the fact that its the owners choice not mine. I wish I had say in everything but I don't. There are worse scenarios of people mistreating animals that worries me more.
If you are that upset like Dee said, donate to a Vet clinic for people that need help with their bills. Alot of old ladies don't take their dogs in because they are on fixed incomes.
I am in the same situation...I recently found out that my beloved boy, Cavalier King Charles, has a fractured leg and is growing a spur (a natural healing process). The Vet that does orthopedic surgery is about 4 hours from me and will cost minimum if $1500 not including the gas back and forth for consultations, boarding and after surgery care & check ups...not to mention taking much time off work from a new job that I can't afford to do.
I am doing a pain management with inflammatory meds and other joint supplements to keep him comfy. He limps now but I'm gonna give him time and see how things go. My decision may have to be the same as your friend. And I certainly wouldn't want the guilt of having someone sacrifice their sobriety and recovery because of my decision. I would feel aweful as it was without that! Let her be...let her make her own decision for what is best for her situation.
I've realized awhile back that I can't save the world. Imagine that.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 37
When life hits me hard, I pray. When things don't go my way, I pray some more. When things are really bad, I pray. This usually happens as soon as I wake up in the morning. I hit my knees as ask God to help me with sobriety for the day. I ask him to show me his will.
Basically, I get out of the way and out of myself.
Couch
Basically, I get out of the way and out of myself.
Couch
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