Sand
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 694
Sand
Hi everyone,
I just don’t know what to say anymore, I read here every day, sometimes 2 or 3 times daily, and thank you all for your support. I just don’t have a lot of energy to post, that’s actually funny if you knew me well enough to know how much I had posted on other hobby type forums.
I find it hard to put my feelings into words at times, today many of your posts really hit home as I am not in the best happy place today, I know this is part of real life though and it will pass, this really does work and I like the saying “I never woke up and wished I’d drank”.
We each have our own paths to take but it really does help knowing others to share their triumphs and struggles with. I had wrote this story or whatever you like to call it but never posted it, it is a little silly but I wanted to post it to my online journal that I also call SR so that maybe I can latter reflect on.
---------------
‘Alcoholism to me, It’s like this large boulder on top of an infinitely long hill that has to be held so it doesn’t roll, gravity wants it to roll, but once it does it can’t be stopped without some type of devastating outcome like hitting a wall and destroying something or everything.
As I hold the boulder from rolling I just want it to roll a little so I can have some relief, but as I get used to holding the boulder I find it easier and easier, eventually realizing I’m not really holding the boulder at all, I just need not push it.
Still I can’t help noticing this rock, this rock that’s wasted so much of my time, time I could have been living instead of chasing this thing down a hill. Now that the rock has stopped what do I do? I am so used to dealing with it, sometimes I wonder if I was meant to chase rolling stones, after all many of my uncles and my grandfathers did, most died this way but you got to die sometime right? Why not die doing something you love.
Truth is I have never loved it, I just thought I did, at first it was a way to talk to and meet others, but in the end it was just to exhausting finding myself all alone more than before I started, I realize now that I can’t just let the stone roll a little, it would be a lot of work, I’d be much better off not starting this game. I know in time this stone will become a pebble if I can just continue to resist pushing it, then maybe, just maybe, it will be nothing more than a grit of sand…'
126 Days and Counting!
I just don’t know what to say anymore, I read here every day, sometimes 2 or 3 times daily, and thank you all for your support. I just don’t have a lot of energy to post, that’s actually funny if you knew me well enough to know how much I had posted on other hobby type forums.
I find it hard to put my feelings into words at times, today many of your posts really hit home as I am not in the best happy place today, I know this is part of real life though and it will pass, this really does work and I like the saying “I never woke up and wished I’d drank”.
We each have our own paths to take but it really does help knowing others to share their triumphs and struggles with. I had wrote this story or whatever you like to call it but never posted it, it is a little silly but I wanted to post it to my online journal that I also call SR so that maybe I can latter reflect on.
---------------
‘Alcoholism to me, It’s like this large boulder on top of an infinitely long hill that has to be held so it doesn’t roll, gravity wants it to roll, but once it does it can’t be stopped without some type of devastating outcome like hitting a wall and destroying something or everything.
As I hold the boulder from rolling I just want it to roll a little so I can have some relief, but as I get used to holding the boulder I find it easier and easier, eventually realizing I’m not really holding the boulder at all, I just need not push it.
Still I can’t help noticing this rock, this rock that’s wasted so much of my time, time I could have been living instead of chasing this thing down a hill. Now that the rock has stopped what do I do? I am so used to dealing with it, sometimes I wonder if I was meant to chase rolling stones, after all many of my uncles and my grandfathers did, most died this way but you got to die sometime right? Why not die doing something you love.
Truth is I have never loved it, I just thought I did, at first it was a way to talk to and meet others, but in the end it was just to exhausting finding myself all alone more than before I started, I realize now that I can’t just let the stone roll a little, it would be a lot of work, I’d be much better off not starting this game. I know in time this stone will become a pebble if I can just continue to resist pushing it, then maybe, just maybe, it will be nothing more than a grit of sand…'
126 Days and Counting!
Resident Awesome Guy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Castle Pines, CO
Posts: 747
WOW!!! Awesome post SB. Today I felt the same way. It was if my mind was mad that I wasn't struggling with the demons anymore and wanted to try and throw a monkey wrench into my life. I now believe that we are our own worst enemies and that just as long as we stay focused and positive, we can accomplish anything. I am glad that boulder is not rolling along anymore and that I have other obstacles to hold up. In truth, no of them is as heavy as the original boulder, and it took your story for me to just realize that. Thanks again for the post.
Chris
Chris
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 694
Thank you all, there is something magical about reading and especialy posting here and getting things out that others in our life may want to hear about, i am not sure why i put it off so long at times.
I feel better instantly most times.
I feel better instantly most times.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Middletown, N.J.
Posts: 53
Originally Posted by SomethingBetter 
Still I can’t help noticing this rock, this rock that’s wasted so much of my time, time I could have been living instead of chasing this thing down a hill.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
