How did this happen? My story.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1
How did this happen? My story.
Hi everyone. I have just joined up and thought I would tell you a bit about my background. I am 36 and seven days ago my partner of eight years told me he needed some time to see whether he still wanted to be with me. This was an incredibly traumatic moment and came the day after a big drinking session (in which he participated also). I was distraught for the first two days - especially after he sent me an email to go over the various issues he has with me (alcohol being but a tiny part).
I ended up calling my therapist and moving temporarily back to my parent's house. Since the morning he left I have not had a drink. I had been drinking daily (with about 10 days off) for about ten years - wine being my drink of choice. I was up to 3 bottles of wine a day - I would start at 4pm and go until around 10:30. On bad days I would be so drunk by 10:30 that I would stay up longer just to keep the high going by drinking more.
Every day I was hungover but not in the traditional sense - I just lost my desire to do anything and sat around at home feeling a bit drained. I never had headaches or vomiting.
I started going to therapy a couple of weeks before this all happened to deal with the drinking as I can't really be in a real-life public forum because I need to remain anonymous due to my business. The therapy helped and I had 3 days off but then everything returned to normal and I was constantly drunk again.
Here is my list of shame - the things that I did when drunk (this is not exhaustive):
1. Lost control of my bowels whilst sitting in the back of the car while dropping a friend home.
2. Had sex with people I would never have had sex with otherwise (unprotected)
3. Took drugs
4. Ruined my sister's wedding (in which I had an important role) by not turning up
5. Lost a very high paying job
6. Quit one of the most prestigious schools in the world despite having a scholarship
7. Had friends have to protect me while vomiting over someone's fence while unsavory characters walked by
8. Lied and manipulated in order to drink every day
9. Stopped socialising outside of my group of drinking friends
10. Stopped my partner going out so I could stay home and drink
11. Fell off a pier into the sea and had to be rescued by the police
12. Broke my rib
Despite all of this I managed to build a successful business which allowed me to buy a beautiful house and work from home. I became something of a recluse and the drinking caused me serious anxiety issues.
Since I stopped drinking seven days ago I can't believe the difference in how I feel. The anxiety has almost completely vanished, I have been shopping and bought new clothes (I have decided to give myself a new style to celebrate), I have been to the movies twice and out for dinner with a friend. I have not missed drinking but it does pop into my mind - especially at night.
During my drinking days I gained 40 kilos (around 88 pounds). Last year I decided to lose weight and I did - I lost it all (despite continuing to drink - I just cut my food by more than was healthy). Now that I am not drinking I see how much more full my life can be - I can have all those things I wanted. I can go out in public and not feel anxious or ashamed because of my weight. I can go shopping without trying things on because I know I am now a size "small".
Today my partner is going to tell me whether he intends to stay or go. While this has been one of the most horrific weeks of my life (including the night sweats and other withdrawals from alcohol) it has been one of the most important - it is my turning point.
If my partner is going to stay I am going to make every effort to improve things. But it takes two to tango. For him to be happy I need to be happy and that is going to mean more socialising alone (while he hangs out with our drunkard friends) and doing things I should have done long ago - like getting my drivers license.
If he leaves, I will rebuild my life single.
Either way I am happy - I have a long list of goals I have written out this week and I intend to make them all happen - starting with getting my drivers license. It is time for me to leave the home and join the world.
I have joined this forum because I am sure that reading other people's stories will help me a lot - and it will be here on those days that will be hard - and I am sure there will be those days.
Oh - and for the record, my username "hyung" means "big brother" (as in family - not 1984) in Korean but I am European
I ended up calling my therapist and moving temporarily back to my parent's house. Since the morning he left I have not had a drink. I had been drinking daily (with about 10 days off) for about ten years - wine being my drink of choice. I was up to 3 bottles of wine a day - I would start at 4pm and go until around 10:30. On bad days I would be so drunk by 10:30 that I would stay up longer just to keep the high going by drinking more.
Every day I was hungover but not in the traditional sense - I just lost my desire to do anything and sat around at home feeling a bit drained. I never had headaches or vomiting.
I started going to therapy a couple of weeks before this all happened to deal with the drinking as I can't really be in a real-life public forum because I need to remain anonymous due to my business. The therapy helped and I had 3 days off but then everything returned to normal and I was constantly drunk again.
Here is my list of shame - the things that I did when drunk (this is not exhaustive):
1. Lost control of my bowels whilst sitting in the back of the car while dropping a friend home.
2. Had sex with people I would never have had sex with otherwise (unprotected)
3. Took drugs
4. Ruined my sister's wedding (in which I had an important role) by not turning up
5. Lost a very high paying job
6. Quit one of the most prestigious schools in the world despite having a scholarship
7. Had friends have to protect me while vomiting over someone's fence while unsavory characters walked by
8. Lied and manipulated in order to drink every day
9. Stopped socialising outside of my group of drinking friends
10. Stopped my partner going out so I could stay home and drink
11. Fell off a pier into the sea and had to be rescued by the police
12. Broke my rib
Despite all of this I managed to build a successful business which allowed me to buy a beautiful house and work from home. I became something of a recluse and the drinking caused me serious anxiety issues.
Since I stopped drinking seven days ago I can't believe the difference in how I feel. The anxiety has almost completely vanished, I have been shopping and bought new clothes (I have decided to give myself a new style to celebrate), I have been to the movies twice and out for dinner with a friend. I have not missed drinking but it does pop into my mind - especially at night.
During my drinking days I gained 40 kilos (around 88 pounds). Last year I decided to lose weight and I did - I lost it all (despite continuing to drink - I just cut my food by more than was healthy). Now that I am not drinking I see how much more full my life can be - I can have all those things I wanted. I can go out in public and not feel anxious or ashamed because of my weight. I can go shopping without trying things on because I know I am now a size "small".
Today my partner is going to tell me whether he intends to stay or go. While this has been one of the most horrific weeks of my life (including the night sweats and other withdrawals from alcohol) it has been one of the most important - it is my turning point.
If my partner is going to stay I am going to make every effort to improve things. But it takes two to tango. For him to be happy I need to be happy and that is going to mean more socialising alone (while he hangs out with our drunkard friends) and doing things I should have done long ago - like getting my drivers license.
If he leaves, I will rebuild my life single.
Either way I am happy - I have a long list of goals I have written out this week and I intend to make them all happen - starting with getting my drivers license. It is time for me to leave the home and join the world.
I have joined this forum because I am sure that reading other people's stories will help me a lot - and it will be here on those days that will be hard - and I am sure there will be those days.
Oh - and for the record, my username "hyung" means "big brother" (as in family - not 1984) in Korean but I am European
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: va
Posts: 10
congrats on 7 days
i have a similar situation w my fiance. I have asked him to be sober with me for just a few weeks while i can get used to sobriety, he says he isnt the one with the problem....i refuse to sit at home while he goes out to party. i hope u have a few good friends that dont drinkwhom u can turn to for support. we should be able to get our main support at home but that sadly is not always the case. I hope for ur sake u can stay sober I have done just about everything on your list myself....except shitting myself, but ive had sex in a baltimore alley. oh and no illegal drugs but ive broken my hand and most recently my foot. I am ALWAYS covered in bruises, i fell off my boat and landed on concrete, i broke a 2,000 lladro thats been in my family for years, etcetc. i feel ur pain and anxiety....unfortunately for me my anxirty is a seperate hereditary issue that is made worse by alcohol....but there everyday none the less.......keep stong!
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: New York City - but moving
Posts: 57
Congratulations on the courage it takes to tell your story here. Granted, anonymousely... but still. If you ask me -- now the hard part (AND THE GOOD PART!) starts. When we decide to stop drinking then we see our problems MORE CLEARLY. Hang onto that courage... because NOT drinking will bring you the clarity to deal with REAL LIFE.
THOUGH I'm VERY new to the program -- and BELIEVE ME NOT PERFECT (as in attending AA group for 8 months but only 44 days sober) I find that the 12-step program is a great source of tools for me in how to approach real life issues. Many of MY "issues" are really about HOW I perceive them... and not necessarily the truth.
I say the SERENITY PRAYER (or portions of it) throughout the day. Just to realign my thinking.
The 12-step-program takes me ahead where my parents left off... that's really how I see it. Just smart tips on finding your place in the world. Isn't that really what it's all about?
Good luck to you... Big Brother! And just for the record, here are my "battle scars" while drinking: one sprained ankle and one broken foot.... thank you, white wine!
Keep us posted.... It's great to follow each other's lives....
THOUGH I'm VERY new to the program -- and BELIEVE ME NOT PERFECT (as in attending AA group for 8 months but only 44 days sober) I find that the 12-step program is a great source of tools for me in how to approach real life issues. Many of MY "issues" are really about HOW I perceive them... and not necessarily the truth.
I say the SERENITY PRAYER (or portions of it) throughout the day. Just to realign my thinking.
The 12-step-program takes me ahead where my parents left off... that's really how I see it. Just smart tips on finding your place in the world. Isn't that really what it's all about?
Good luck to you... Big Brother! And just for the record, here are my "battle scars" while drinking: one sprained ankle and one broken foot.... thank you, white wine!
Keep us posted.... It's great to follow each other's lives....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,410
Hyung Welcome to SR.
I can understand how tough it is but you still have hope to turn everything around. It's time to change your ways and start a recovery program. As long as you stay away from alcohol and remember that and deal with your problems head one you will see the light again.
I can understand how tough it is but you still have hope to turn everything around. It's time to change your ways and start a recovery program. As long as you stay away from alcohol and remember that and deal with your problems head one you will see the light again.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
You certainly are making solid positive decisions and that can lead you into another chapter of your life...:Welcome...
Last edited by CarolD; 06-27-2011 at 02:10 AM.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome hyung - It's amazing what a week without the booze can do, isn't it? Congratulations! Like you, I started to feel some of my inner strength coming back and began actually liking myself again.
I'm sorry you're going through a hard time - relationships (even good ones) can be extra challenging when we're making changes. But I really think you have a great attitude and it sounds like you're determined to have a better life regardless of what happens. Glad you're here!
I'm sorry you're going through a hard time - relationships (even good ones) can be extra challenging when we're making changes. But I really think you have a great attitude and it sounds like you're determined to have a better life regardless of what happens. Glad you're here!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 82
Welcome. Congrats on 7 days. As far as your list of shame - can you believe the things we do while drunk and yet still continue to drink? I am hoping for you that your list stops now at that number 12!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 624
Welcome. Good for you for taking action. Any day sober is never filled with regret for being sober, and I applaud you for being so honest on here.
At the beginning of my sobriety journey, I also posted a list of things I did when drunk. It was the first time I had been totally honest about the awful things I did or had happened to me whilst drinking, and wowee, it made for ugly reading. I still go back to it now and then to remind myself just how bad my life could get again if I relapsed. So far so good!
I wish you all best.
At the beginning of my sobriety journey, I also posted a list of things I did when drunk. It was the first time I had been totally honest about the awful things I did or had happened to me whilst drinking, and wowee, it made for ugly reading. I still go back to it now and then to remind myself just how bad my life could get again if I relapsed. So far so good!
I wish you all best.
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