I too am back to try again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 40
I too am back to try again
Hi Guys,
I signed up to this forum a couple of months ago but, after several attempts, I never made it past day 3 for different reasons, all justified somehow in my frazzled mind. I am not sure why but something has clicked, I am now looking at recovery from this debilitating disease in a different way. I am not saying good bye to an old friend like I was before, I am exorcising a demon that has taken me to edge of hell.
I am doing things differently, I am looking at how I am going to get through the next few days and then what I need to do from there. I can't just stop drinking, I need to completely change my lifestyle. I am excited this time in a way I never was before.
I feel like in a way, this is my last chance at this, things got so bad on my last binge but that is another story.
Anyway, sorry about the long winded post but I am so grateful for this site and hope you guys can help me through the first few days that I reckon will be the worst.
I want to thank all the posters who give up their time to help those of us struggling to get started and give us the strength we need, at such a vulnerable time in our lives.
I signed up to this forum a couple of months ago but, after several attempts, I never made it past day 3 for different reasons, all justified somehow in my frazzled mind. I am not sure why but something has clicked, I am now looking at recovery from this debilitating disease in a different way. I am not saying good bye to an old friend like I was before, I am exorcising a demon that has taken me to edge of hell.
I am doing things differently, I am looking at how I am going to get through the next few days and then what I need to do from there. I can't just stop drinking, I need to completely change my lifestyle. I am excited this time in a way I never was before.
I feel like in a way, this is my last chance at this, things got so bad on my last binge but that is another story.
Anyway, sorry about the long winded post but I am so grateful for this site and hope you guys can help me through the first few days that I reckon will be the worst.
I want to thank all the posters who give up their time to help those of us struggling to get started and give us the strength we need, at such a vulnerable time in our lives.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
Welcome back Bokkie 
I think you're definitely on the right track - if you focus on making the changes you need to, and focus on having the right support, I reckon you should find you'll move forward
D
I think you're definitely on the right track - if you focus on making the changes you need to, and focus on having the right support, I reckon you should find you'll move forward
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 40
dgillz, I am on day 1 - again....
Thanks Dee and SwanSong, I am totally looking at this in a different way this time, instead of the end of something, I am looking at it as the beginning of something better
Thanks Dee and SwanSong, I am totally looking at this in a different way this time, instead of the end of something, I am looking at it as the beginning of something better
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,940
Originally Posted by bokkie
I am now looking at recovery from this debilitating disease in a different way. I am not saying good bye to an old friend like I was before, I am exorcising a demon that has taken me to edge of hell.
I am doing things differently,...
I am doing things differently,...
. I too see addiction likened to a demon, a demon in my mind that is.Settling in on a plan of action, like regularly being involved here at SR, reading, replying, posting is a great start to any addiction treatment program.
Further resources like recovery tools or recovery literature can make a good addition to any treatment plan. Implementing those readings, tools in a daily practice is what helps me stay on track.
What is CBT
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) - Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center
SMART Tools AA Books
SMART RecoveryŽ - Tool Chest and Homework
SMART RecoveryŽ - Articles and Essays
Alcoholics Anonymous : Click on the Book You Would Like to Read
Keep moving forward in recovery
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 40
Thanks Zencat, i will spend some time going through all those links this evening, thank you for taking the time to post those resources, i need all the help I can get right now and do plan on spending a lot of time on SR!!
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
WB Bok!
I think your changed perspective is giving yourself a better chance than you have ever given yourself before. You sound a lot like I did when I finally gave in and got help. Both here and locally from a terrific doc and AA home group and family. I have suffered losses deep, some pain, and some joy, but mostly a daily serenity and interest in the world around me, and those that populate it. And I am no longer committing slow suicide. That is enough.
Everything else, and there is much , that is good, is just icing on the cake.
You have given yourself a second chance, seize it!
I think your changed perspective is giving yourself a better chance than you have ever given yourself before. You sound a lot like I did when I finally gave in and got help. Both here and locally from a terrific doc and AA home group and family. I have suffered losses deep, some pain, and some joy, but mostly a daily serenity and interest in the world around me, and those that populate it. And I am no longer committing slow suicide. That is enough.
Everything else, and there is much , that is good, is just icing on the cake.
You have given yourself a second chance, seize it!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi bokkie - I used to have trouble with that 3-4 day cycle too. I'd get through the first couple days and feel better, and then start thinking maybe I really wasn't all "that bad" and just needed to try harder to control my drinking. I don't know why I thought I'd somehow be able to do things differently than millions of other alcoholics!
It "clicked" for me when I finally accepted that every day and every week and every year was going to be the same (or worse) unless I made sobriety my #1 priority. Even after a year I still need the good people here to remind me of that every day.
You can do it!
It "clicked" for me when I finally accepted that every day and every week and every year was going to be the same (or worse) unless I made sobriety my #1 priority. Even after a year I still need the good people here to remind me of that every day.
You can do it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 40
Good morning,
Wow, thanks so much for all the replys and words of both advice and encouragement. I am feeling that as long as I can say no to that first drink every day that is my priority. I also fall into that trap of feeling better after 2-3 days and think I can just have a couple. I realise now that it is just not possible for some of us to do that. I am taking it one day at a time. Didn't sleep well at all last night, my brain was on overdrive and I just couldn't sleep so I am really tired this morning but it is the the first Monday since I can remember that I don't have a hangover so that is something. Sorry this post is a bit rambling, my brain is still on overdrive speak later,
Bokkie
Wow, thanks so much for all the replys and words of both advice and encouragement. I am feeling that as long as I can say no to that first drink every day that is my priority. I also fall into that trap of feeling better after 2-3 days and think I can just have a couple. I realise now that it is just not possible for some of us to do that. I am taking it one day at a time. Didn't sleep well at all last night, my brain was on overdrive and I just couldn't sleep so I am really tired this morning but it is the the first Monday since I can remember that I don't have a hangover so that is something. Sorry this post is a bit rambling, my brain is still on overdrive
speak later, Bokkie
Resident Awesome Guy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Castle Pines, CO
Posts: 747
Bokkie,
I too am recently back to the forum, but haven't been drinking for some time now. I can tell you one of the best things you said was that you don't see yourself losing a good friend this time and it is exercising a demon. I can tell you that I struggled repeatedly with quitting when I was doing it for others and not myself. It took me being hospitalized, realizing I was about 50 lbs overweight, and a shell of the man I once was to change. No matter how many people tried to get me to change, it wasn't till I realized I wanted to do it for myself that I was able to get a handle on things. I have also embraced the power of positive thinking and whether you believe that there is some external power in the universe or it is just you and your mindset that bring good things into your life, it works for me. Maybe you can give that a try. any way, I wish you the best on your journey and we are all here for each other.
Chris
I too am recently back to the forum, but haven't been drinking for some time now. I can tell you one of the best things you said was that you don't see yourself losing a good friend this time and it is exercising a demon. I can tell you that I struggled repeatedly with quitting when I was doing it for others and not myself. It took me being hospitalized, realizing I was about 50 lbs overweight, and a shell of the man I once was to change. No matter how many people tried to get me to change, it wasn't till I realized I wanted to do it for myself that I was able to get a handle on things. I have also embraced the power of positive thinking and whether you believe that there is some external power in the universe or it is just you and your mindset that bring good things into your life, it works for me. Maybe you can give that a try. any way, I wish you the best on your journey and we are all here for each other.
Chris
Back to sR
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 40
Thanks guys,
Feeling very tired, trying to drink lots of water but I have not been able to eat much yet. I have a lot of work to do today so hopefully I can just throw myself into that. I'm a bit worried about this evening but will cross that bridge when I come to it and maybe go for a walk or something. I am so grateful I found this site and you guys!!
Feeling very tired, trying to drink lots of water but I have not been able to eat much yet. I have a lot of work to do today so hopefully I can just throw myself into that. I'm a bit worried about this evening but will cross that bridge when I come to it and maybe go for a walk or something. I am so grateful I found this site and you guys!!
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