Haleymae

a few days ago my husband asked me to take out $30 from our "baby on the way" savings account so he could get his oil changed. I didn't see wht we had to do that since he got paid the next day but he acted like it was really important. I gave it to him and when I got home from work I got the impression he was high on meth. Of course he denied it but I knew the truth. He does this off and on. Its been 6 months since the last time and he always supposedly feels bad after and says he is sick with himself and doesn't want to do it ever again. Well he called into work and I walked in to him watching porn and jacking off on the couch. The site of that made me sick to my stomach especially being 6 months pregnant. I know most people r ok with that but I'm not and he knows it. Well I went crazy. I threw a glass vase at him and I told him to get out that he chose he chose drugs over his family. He left and then a few hours later he called me and said he sorry he just can't help it he has a one track mind when he really wants to get high. He said he would go to na meetings and hehasnt gotten high again for 2 days even thos that's notsaying much. I just don't know if he really wants to quit or if he's just saying that so I don't leave him. My parents were drug addicts and they got better so I have faith but I also have an unvle and aunt who are still drug addicts at 50. Should I give him the chance to get better or think about my future and my kids and let him deal with this on his own. He's an amazing person when he's not using but. Last year we had a really bad run where he was using everyday for about 2 months. I left him and he was up for weeks running around with some girl and he even broke into our house and stole stuff including my wedding ring to pawn. I'm scared were gonna get back to that.

Latte

He may, do you want to wait and see?

Addicts don't have relationships, we take hostages.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Question, would you tell a friend to stick around for the roller coaster?

Freedom1990

Hi Haleymae. I am so sorry for what you are going through.

The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

You don't have to live this way, hon.

dollydo

Hi,

His actions speak for themselves, his words mean nothing.

Have you been to Alanon?

Can't tell you what to do, however, I would rethink exposing a child to this toxic lifestyle.

Keep posting, it will helo.

Haleymae

I know.... Your right. We actually already have 2 kids. A 5 year old and a 6 year old. I can't say he's not a good dad for 5 years he was amazing but for some reason last year it just changed. Then he was fine for about another year and now he started off and on again. Don't think that I'm a bad mother. When I found out he was high I kicked him out. I won't allow that around my kids. I just want to be there for him if he is serious about getting sober for good. I just don't know how to tell if he wants to be clean. He started going to meetings but is it easy to go right back to drugs?

Freedom1990

My oldest daughter is no longer welcome in my home. It would take at least two years solid continuous clean time for me to even let her in the door.

When she attended meetings, it was all a game. She was using behind my back, and in my home after I would go to sleep at night.

Time will tell if he's serious or not.

Good for you on removing him from the home so your children aren't living with that insanity!

kmangel

Yes, it is easy to go back to using drugs. Your husband has shown you so himself. My son (who is presently in rehab) told me that an addict can have 100 good reasons not to use and then get in a fight with his girlfriend and be right back at using drugs again. Just wanting to quit is not enough--otherwise everyone at the center would have already done it by now before landing in rehab.

dollydo

Glad to hear that you are protecting your children. To be honest, you do not have to be right by his side to support him in his recovery. No matter how you cut it, this is his problem to resolve.

Hopefully your children were not awake and in the room while he was doing his porn, self gratification routine, that would not be good.

Is he also a sex addict? Would put a whole different spin on the entire situation.

And yes, relapses are very common. This is a battle that he will have to fight for the rest of his life, there is no cure for addiction.

Haleymae

The kids were at school during the blow up. I try to shelter them as much as possible cuz i went through a lot as a child. He's not a sex addict..... he really doesn't care about porn and stuff like that unless he's on drugs. I don't know at what point I got pregnant cuz were not one of those couples who only get busy here and there but I'm not as stupid as I sound. I had an iud so I was taking precautions because right now was not the right time to bring another child into this world but I can't protect against gods plans. Like I said before I kicked him out so he is staying with my dad who has been clean for 30 years so its a good role model for him. He is going to na meetings this time. He has to really be careful too because he is a lineman for the department of water and power and they drug test so its not just his family on the line. At this point I'm really hurt, I feel almost like he doesn't love me enough to stay clean but my dad said its just that sometimes the want from drugs outshines everything.