bluebelle

I have been making some strides in my codie recovery. It seems like it is always a challenge, but I have made some good decisions. The other day, I found myself obsessed with a letter that my RABF had received from his new place of employment. I was afraid that they were stating he had dirty urine or something. I decided that if I was so focused on his letter, then there was something in my life that I was nothing listening to. I thought about the things that I needed to work on and distracted myself. It all worked out, and later, my RABF happily showed me the letter about his clean pee result. I was glad that he felt comfortable enough to share, and that I hadn't crossed his boundaries by asking him what was in the letter--or even worse, opening the letter myself!!

My RABF has been studying/working very hard and I thought maybe he was overdoing it. One night, he was studying late. I told him that I thought maybe he should take it easy. He said, "I know what I'm doing." I had several comments I could have made to that, but I kept my mouth shut. I'm glad I did!!

I guess these are both issues where I am keeping my hands off the addict and where I am allowing him to have his own boundaries and make his own decisions.

I have also been talking to my AM on the phone lately. My RABF has noticed when I start getting immeshed in my relationship with her, and I appreciate his warnings. I know when I start worrying about her behavior or getting involved in trying to fix her that I'm in codie relapse. I am going on a vacation about 5 hours from where she lives. I have decided to not visit her. That might sound rude to people who don't understand, but I don't feel physically safe around her. I feel guilty, and feel like I should go visit other relatives, too. However, I'm going to try to focus on doing what is best for me, and not worry about what others think I should do.

Thanks for listening.

Ann

It can be hard to step back and stop trying to control things, but in time it becomes more comfortable.

You are wise to notice the positive side when you do that. Even if he had tested dirty, pushing to know what was in the letter or worse, opening the letter, would not have changed the outcome.

Today I don't take ownership of anything that doesn't have my name all over it. Sure take a weight off.

Hugs

newnormal4me

A huge sign of "recovery" is knowing when you are slipping. Congrats.

bluebelle

Thank you. Sometimes, I just need a reminder to keep my hands off the addict. It helps me to come to this site and read. It also helps if I can distract myself by doing something that I need to do for myself. Or, just distract myself by playing a game or something.