Nikkle

Good morning All, I haven't been on much lately & usually post on the recovering alcoholic side, but I need advice or insight today if you could help, please. I have been sober for almost 7 months.Just a little background: I own a home with the father of my 4 yr old daughter. He has his 2 other kids & my 16 yr old son as well in the household. He is still an active alcoholic. Drinks a 12 pack every night after work. Anyways, about 3 months ago, he started kneeing me in the tailbone very hard in his sleep. I couldn't take one more night of being jolted awake in pain like that, so I started sleeping on the couch. That did not mess up our sex life, because we haven't had one since he's always too drunk. One of the ways I show him love, is to lay out all his work clothes for him & bring him coffee while he is in the shower. I did this every morning without fail, even if we were in the midst of an ugly fight or not speaking. It was my way of saying "Despite the current circumstances I love you & have faith someday it will change" Well, yesterday, as I was sitting on the couch reading my daily devotional, waiting for him to wake up, I heard him get up & lock the bedroom door, then get in the shower. I felt very hurt & slipped a note under the door saying I would remove all my personal belongings from his room. He called & said "what, I'm not allowed to lock the door when I want to? I'm tired of all this. Good luck to you" So, I moved all my things into another room. Last night before bed, he said he loved me and missed me, then went in his room, locked the door and went to sleep. How do I respond appropriately to this? He had never once lock me out in all our 5 years together before this. I can't leave. I have no job, no license to drive for at least 7 more months (DUI). I don't want to leave. I want happy & normal beautiful chaos. Not this sadness, what to do?

Squishyboots

Its so hard to watch the ones you love fall down the hole that you have already climbed out of. But you need to be the strong one. There are women's groups that will help you, but to me it sounds like you need to leave for your own health and the health of your children. Get them out of that environment. He will just keep going until he hits his own bottom. You can't change him unfortunately. I'm sure there are many people out here that know where you can go and get the help you need even without a car. Good luck to you - just remember you can make your own change!

ksumm77

Al Anon meetings have been a tremendous help for me.
I have not been addicted, but if I was and I was in recovery and living with someone who was not, I believe it would be very hard for me to remain in recovery.

Nikkle

He drinks in his shop, where I am not welcome & the smell of beer on his breath makes me ill rather than tempted. I recently had to stop attending my 12 step class as my ride (26 miles round trip) is no longer able to do so. I am actively looking for another.

Squishyboots

You have us and this group - keep grounded. It sounds to me like you know the direction you need to go, its just the hardest step to make. You are still sober and that is amazing through all this turmoil.

daisygurl

Nikkle,

It sounds as if he is testing you by locking the door. He got just what he wanted when you slipped the note under the door. Try to avoid reacting to these childish antics. I know it can be tough when you are in the midst of such chaos (I speak from personal experience).
Do your own thing for a while and let him know that you will be around when and if he is ready to have an adult discussion.