Legend63130

Hello everyone. I decided to come here for support in the decision I have made to try and quit drinking before I turn 31 next week. I have become sick, and ashamed of myself, and the only thing that actually helped me in the past was seeing a psychiatrist who put me on all kinds of medication to quit drinking, and I don't want to be on medication.

I have developed a case of severe agoraphobia, interaction with other people outside my home is hard for me, and the only way i can comfortably leave my house is when I have been drinking. My partner is the one who gets the brunt of it with scenarios like him trying to bring me up to bed, and I hit him and scream. He doesn't deserve to be treated the way the alcohol makes me treat him, and I just want to stop.

I started drinking when I was 15 or so. It was mostly just for fun, socially, with friends, but Jack Daniels caught me and brought the devil out in me. I am scared that if I dont stop drinking I will lose my money, house, love and perhaps even my life.

Today I woke up feeling like I got hit by a train. I downed a bottle of vodka yesterday after waking up drunk. The only way I can stop my withdrawal symptoms is to drink more. I tried to nap earlier, but vomited when the stomach acid went up my throat. My heart is beating through my chest, and even though it is 60 degrees in my room, the sheets are soaked from my sweat flashes.

I will not be drinking tonight, but I am afraid of what will happen two days from now, or a week. I am not a religious person, and I am stuck with agoraphobia, so please tell me where do I begin to make yesterday the last day Ill ever have a drink?

There is nothing worse than waking up and not remembering the night before, throwing myself over the toilet, and watching all the harm I am doing to myself and everyone I love. I am afraid I'll fall down the stairs, end up drowning in my pool, or worse.

I have been self employed since 2006, and was able to maintain a daily drinking schedule while running my business. It was extremely profitable for me recently, and one I am afraid I will run myself into the ground. I have no motivation to work, all I want to do is drink.

I really am looking forward to the help and advice from the people here who have been through this journey. I know I am a alcoholic, i admit it, and I NEED to stop. Thanks in advance for any help you will be sending my way.

Bikeguy

Detox can be dangerous, I would go visit with your doctor be completely honest with them, they can help. Don't mess around with it if needed head to the ER tonight.

Zencat

Welcome to SR Legend.

Its best to detox under a doctors care be it inpatient or outpatient. Don't delay to seek medical help if problems arise with your detox. Detoxing is serious business and it can be life threatening.

SR is a great place for support, information and discussion about recovery. So its good to see you making positive changes in your life style. Having an addiction treatment plan is a good start. AA, SMART Recovery or many other healthy plans that address how to live without alcohol can help a lot.

nandm

Welcome to SR

As stated by Bikeguy and Zencat, detox can be dangerous and your physician should be consulted. There are inpatient recovery centers that are equipped to deal with people that are detoxing. Maybe your physician can recommend one.

There is a solution to alcoholism and many on these forums have found it and been able to maintain sobriety for multiples of years. There are many different routes to sobriety and programs of recovery. I recommend you check into them as well. It is hard to do it alone. SR is also a wonderful resource for encouragement, information, and support and I do hope you stick around with us.

Legend63130

Thanks for the welcome. I usually detox the worst the day after I binge, today is almost over and tomorrow I should be able to get back on track. I have called my doctor, he put me on Librium the first two times I detoxed, but he refuses to give me any more because I keep relapsing. I'm gonna be 31, I can't keep doing this and need all the support I can get. I live in st. Louis, I looked for a SMART group here, and there are none. I'm not sure how I can attend a meeting due to my agoraphobia, I am not sure I could physically or mentally handle it.

Anna

I hope you check with your dr or go to an ER because detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous.

You can get through this and live a sober life.

MichealR

I am sorry you have gotten into this situation. I can only say Welcome and good luck.

CarolD

Welcome...

I sure hope your de tox goes smoothly...but if not...it's ER time...
Please keep posting...many of us are successfuuly living without alcohol.

Here is a list of programs and resources ....

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

All my best ..

invisibledrunk

i think the others are right... going to the hospital is probably a good idea.
i really hope you're doing okay right now,
as for the agoraphobia, after detoxing and getting sober you should consider therapy. you'd be surprised what you can learn about yourself that way.
i attended councelling and discovered a lot of reasons why i started drinking, which helped me greatly.
take care

Legend63130

I have every intent on posting, like I said, I need all the advice I can get. I am doing alright now, but I know tonight will be tough when I'm trying to sleep. I think the agoraphobia and the drinking go hand in hand, my first step is to detox and get sober.

Zencat

I too don't have any local SMART meeting. I do use the SMART Recovery Tools. There are live online meeting here at SR, click the link for more info.

Maybe just read, discuss and post here at SR for the time being. It helps me to do so .

LaFemme

Hi and welcome to SR. You have already gotten a lot of great advice. I found the book by Allan Carr called the Easy Way to quit drinking to be beneficial ...maybe it will help you.

Living sober is amazing...

Legend63130

I will get the book ASAP. I need to make this my first priority.

Programmatic

Yeah, 'cause you're actually living.

least

Welcome to the family. Please do get medical attention if you feel really bad. Alcohol detox can be dangerous. I too needed to drink all day just to not feel bad. I'm now sober for 18 months with the help of my weekly counseling and this wonderful supportive site.

EmeraldRose

First and foremost, as others said, detox at the ER is ultimately the first step. They can probably hook you up with an addiction counselor or therapist. But since there's no booze in the hospital that's a good place to stay.
I did an out patient rehab ('graduated' in March) but still now go to the After Care and have once a month one on one. Then Thursday Nights is AA.
Then I eat, sleep and breath sobriety for the rest of the week. I drank over 30 years and did the Jack Daniels thang, too. Then I did the beer thang, the wine thang, Vodka thang -back to beer thang, back to wine thang. LOL Yeah, its a vicious cycle of drinking, hiding, lying, being shameful, feeling like crap, wanting to stop. The past 5 months have been very good to me and I am so happy I could explode. I hope the same for you in due time.
Wishing you peace and strength.

Dee74

excellent advice here legend
Welcome to SR

D

artsoul

Hi Legend - I'm self-employed too, and actually talked myself into believing that alcohol helped me in my work (I'm an artist). Like you said, though, the work starts to become secondary to the drinking and things just go downhill from there.

.
I agree - just getting through each day sober is enough to deal with at first. I lived here for the first few days - I had been drinking (or trying to stop) in secret and it was a relief to know I wasn't alone.

So glad you're here - you deserve a better life.....

Legend63130

Thanks for the great advice everyone. Last night was hell, but I made it through the worst or the worst. I had violent nightmares all nitght, and sweat so much I lost 7 pounds just overnight. Tonight should be easier, and tomorrow if a new day. I have a Lot to do that will keep me occupied, and I am going to dump out all the booze in the house this morning and throw the bottles in the recycling. Keeping my fingers crossed.

daisygurl

Admitting it is a good thing but acceptance is the next step. When I accepted that I was powerless over alcohol I found a new freedom within myself and with my HP. Kudos to you for getting the alcohol out of the house. The simplest thing now is just don't buy anymore. When and if you are thinking about it remember how you felt the last time you were coming off of a drunk.
Be safe with the detox, it can be life threatening.
Big hugs and good luck to ya!