Cyranoak

Got home last night after a late night of work and everything is fine. Woke up this morning to wife not finding her iPhone and coming completely off the rails-- "daughter hid it on purpose to teach me a lesson!" "She's stupid!" And on and on and on like it was a ******* conspiracy to hide her ******* phone.

She loses the damned thing constantly, and her keys, and she's blaming others. Good ******* God! That's why we have a place to hang keys and put phones at night! How hard is it to ******* use them?!?

I've never seen her like this sober, and she was full-on sober (has been since the relapse awhile back, and been going to 2 or 3 meetings a week). It was almost worse than her drunken rages because it was natural rather than alcohol fueled, and was definitely ******* scary.

I shielded daughter and kept wife away from her, got daughter out to the bus stop and reminded her Mom's crazy-ass behavior was about mom and not about her, and peeled rubber for work. Haven't talked to wife or daughhter since.

Here's what I know-- if I had it to do over again I don't ask this woman out. Ever.

Cyranoak

m1k3

Man, I'm sorry to hear that. Not much I can offer in the way of experience here. My wife in her sober phases was usually sullen and withdrawn rather than outwardly angry. Strong manly ((((hugs)))). I hope this is just a one time thing but as Anvil says its good to have a plan B.

Your Friend,

Shellcrusher

I'm really praying that her last relapse was not the start of another cycle.
My RAW lost her keys all the time while active.

My full disclosure wouldn't be helpful. I'm just relieved that you were there to intervene and get the hell outta dodge.

Freedom1990

Just my personal experience from having relapsed after 4 years clean/sober-it was so much harder the second time around.

The guilt I carried was a thousandfold compared to round 1.

That doesn't excuse her behavior however, and I hope you don't take it that way.

I'm sorry she threw the brunt of it at your daughter.

vujade

Man Cyranoak. I'm sorry. It's maddening to have to parent & mange a grown person.

I know you are venting your frustration, but I appreciate you sharing. It helps me to remember to really pay attention to red flags before it's too late to easily walk away...like I did NOT do before.

Tuffgirl

Wow. I am glad I am not the only one who has big steaming piles of blame thrown at me like a monkey throws poo...

I hate that part of this damn disease. I hated living with that man who blamed me for losing his damn keys. Your experience is so familiar...I remember crying on the drive to the office because I had been accused of "hiding the keys/phone/wallet/etc".

Wishing you and your daughter a better day today and a peaceful evening, regardless....

GettingBy

GOOD ******* GOD!!!!

It is so sad how similar the behaviors are. Your experience is so similar to my whole " you lost the title to my motorcycle" incident this weekend. That blame game crap sucks.

Take good care if yourself today... How about a pedicure? :ghug3. (just kidding!)

-Shannon

Chino

Your wife wouldn't be the first person to be addicted to their iPhone. That was my first thought and there's some science to it (google iPhone addiction). When she lost/misplaced it, addict behaviors popped up.

tjp613

No wonder your favorite expression is, "GOOD GOD!!" That's ridiculous behavior for a grown woman.

Are you planning to discuss it with her when you get home?... at least to let her know that you find it totally unacceptable? Do you have boundaries in place for those rages of hers??

Sheesh!

FindingPeace1

As tjp is saying...
what are your boundaries around her dumping on you?
What is and is not acceptable?
If her behavior is below your bottom line, how are you going to take care of you and your daughter so you are protected from that crap?
You deserve to be cared for and not take her s**t.

skippernlilg

Oooof.

In the way far distant past, in a land, far, far away, I almost did the exact thing your AW did this morning. I've never been an alcoholic, but lived in a house with one and I must've learned it well.

It took years of work to get that kind of behavior GONE from my life and start learning serenity. Funny, exABF used to say that's why he had to drink so much (cycles of addiction much?)

I hope it gets better for all of you soon.

kittykitty

Geez ******* louise
I just wanted to swear like everyone else.

Something definitely set her off, maybe she was Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired? I can't imagine getting that upset over a phone disappearing, unless something else had already put me in a funk. I hope the daughter didn't hear any of the tirade, how horrible.

I'm curious as to what your plan is as well.

Tuffgirl

FWIW - when I lose my phone, I call it from another phone, over and over again as I run through the house or search the car. Works every time.

GettingBy

Yeah... me too. Until the ******* battery dies... and then I'm stuck with my half-ass memories to help me find my way!

When I get super agitated about something minor, its usually because I'm actually mad or upset about something bigger I don't want to face/deal with. Just sayin.

LexieCat

I have a program on my phone called "Wheres My Phone". You can email or text it with a code, and it rings, even if the ringer is turned off.

It's come in handy a couple of times.

Sorry you and your daughter had to deal with this insanity, Cyr--lousy way to start the day.

theuncertainty

Exactly what I was going to post. Now if I could just ring up my keys! I even have a designated key and phone place, too. And misplacing my keys is part of the reason why I carry a huge bangle of key rings (The other part is that it's harder to drop the keys down the little gap between the elevator floor and doors; a feat I managed twice, stone cold sober, once at my old apartment and once at work. Thank you. Yep, I'm talented. )

I hope things are calmer when you get home, Cyranoak. Big hug for your daughter.

pixipie

my RA is a key loser, in both dry/using states, and I am as well (as a non-drinker), I think its indicative of a chaotic brain. Last time I saw him which was at our international airport, he walked off and left both his passports and his plane tickets in his trolley....

Sorry to hear about your frustrations I have no advice forthcoming but I do have sympathy.

LaPinturaBella

Oy...I'm so sorry that happened. I know all about ridiculous rages and being blamed for them...grew yup in a house with a dad who did this all the time. In fact, he still does. And it is NO FUN WHATSO...FREAKING...EVER! hats off to you getting DD out of the house. Especially since she was the "target" of choice this morning. hope things have calmed down and that RAW makes some major amends to both of you.

lillamy

Yupyupyup. All way too familiar.
And it doesn't have to be alcohol-fueled. At all. The paranoia doesn't go away because they don't drink for a while.

I can roll my eyes at it now, but I don't have to live with it. The blame stuff. If I had the power to cause all the mayhem AXH accuses me of being responsible for, I would use my power for good and eradicate alcoholism. Day One. Gone!

Tuffgirl

Well said, lillamy! Well said indeed.