IAm One Of You - And I Am Not !!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Washington State
Posts: 8
IAm One Of You - And I Am Not !!
I have had several of my wife's family members in recovery and I recalled the term Rigorous Honesty so I did a Google Search and found this group. I wanted to cry over some of the posts as they are me. I have never had a problem with substance abuse - even thought I have drank and used Hippie drugs in years past I have not touched an addictive substance in over 35 years.
BUT I am an addict - my devastating childhood created a huge Ego that compelled me to engage in survival tools that involved lying, cheating, deception and being Soul Sick. I knew better than God and I thought I knew how to run my life - the end of which has been damage from psychiatric drugs to treat a lifelong anxiety disorder, severe health problems and near total collapse.
If you saw me you would think I am a picture of health - I am, however stuck together with string, chewing gum and iron fisted will power. My maladaptive life crashed in 2007 and I have been near totally disabled since.
I have many good things in my life - a wonderful wife, some financial security and I am still alive...even though I suffer so much I think I might not want to be everyday.
So while I have not bent my elbow, stuck my self with needles or snorted vile chemicals I AM YOU - and I need help. I am as lost in my addictions and Soul Sickness as the worst street addict.
I want to learn from you - find support to get me around the next dark corner and crush an Ego that has brought only suffering.
Thanks for reading!!!
BUT I am an addict - my devastating childhood created a huge Ego that compelled me to engage in survival tools that involved lying, cheating, deception and being Soul Sick. I knew better than God and I thought I knew how to run my life - the end of which has been damage from psychiatric drugs to treat a lifelong anxiety disorder, severe health problems and near total collapse.
If you saw me you would think I am a picture of health - I am, however stuck together with string, chewing gum and iron fisted will power. My maladaptive life crashed in 2007 and I have been near totally disabled since.
I have many good things in my life - a wonderful wife, some financial security and I am still alive...even though I suffer so much I think I might not want to be everyday.
So while I have not bent my elbow, stuck my self with needles or snorted vile chemicals I AM YOU - and I need help. I am as lost in my addictions and Soul Sickness as the worst street addict.
I want to learn from you - find support to get me around the next dark corner and crush an Ego that has brought only suffering.
Thanks for reading!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Washington State
Posts: 8
Mark
I will consioder anything and everything. I dont want to live like this.
I am also a AVID cyclist - just building a new Orbea. When I health allows I will be Between Then Wheels Again.
I hope to find a sponsor to talk things out with - not sure where to look. Right now I have health issues so I can not get out to a meeting
I will consioder anything and everything. I dont want to live like this.
I am also a AVID cyclist - just building a new Orbea. When I health allows I will be Between Then Wheels Again.
I hope to find a sponsor to talk things out with - not sure where to look. Right now I have health issues so I can not get out to a meeting
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,894
Welcome to SR HealingJourney.I too thought I could run my life with out a plan for healthy living. It did not work out.
Now with the direction of a better way to live life plan, life has gotten much
much better.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Cool... Orbea, road or mountain?... I built a Kline, they are/were made out your way, got it around the time they were bought by Trek... Built my own wheels even... Thank God for cycling, the one constant through the turbulence of the last few years.
From your introduction, a spiritual solution might be something you would be interested in. If you can't make a meeting, maybe get the book?
From your introduction, a spiritual solution might be something you would be interested in. If you can't make a meeting, maybe get the book?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 645
Healing Journey,
Mark is referring to the book titled, Alcoholics Anonymous. The first 164 pages of the book explain how to work the twelve steps in order to have a spiritual awakening. Also be sure to read the Doctor's Opinion at the front of the book. The book can be purchased on line from Amazon or Hazeldon or another retailer if you want to buy it, and there are plenty of websites where you can read it online without purchasing it. Check out the Alcoholics Anonymous website -- I'm pretty sure you can find the book online there. From what you said in your post, I think you will find the steps a real help in dealing with the soul sickness you are suffering from.
Susan
Mark is referring to the book titled, Alcoholics Anonymous. The first 164 pages of the book explain how to work the twelve steps in order to have a spiritual awakening. Also be sure to read the Doctor's Opinion at the front of the book. The book can be purchased on line from Amazon or Hazeldon or another retailer if you want to buy it, and there are plenty of websites where you can read it online without purchasing it. Check out the Alcoholics Anonymous website -- I'm pretty sure you can find the book online there. From what you said in your post, I think you will find the steps a real help in dealing with the soul sickness you are suffering from.
Susan
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