m1k3

Wow, the last couple days have been interesting.

Starting Saturday and all through father's day I keep getting text messages from my AW who I moved out on 1 month ago. I spent father's day at my one DD's house, cooked out, played with the grandkids, visited other family and had a great time by the way. I ignored the messages after sharing them with my daughter and her response was 'Quack". She is attending al-anon and lurks here.

Yesterday I get this email from my AW:
Major quacking.

I respond, because the lease is a real issue that needs my involvement:

Then I get one this morning at 4:20 AM:
And I respond with a repeat of my previous message just to make sure she understands I'm not throwing her out into the streets.

Codie has fussed a few times, nothing major but enough to make we want to post this. I find when I post things it helps me put it in perspective.

As I said the shields are holding. Thanks to everyone here at SR for helping me to develop the tools to cope with things like this.

One question I have is, I'm not going to intervene with the apartment. She either handles it or she doesn't. But would it be ok to get in touch with the management at the apartment so that they let me know if she is being evicted? I would like to go back to the apartment and salvage a few things like the big screen TV and the cats. Other than that the ball is in her court.

Your friend,

wanttobehealthy

I think (as someone who is still struggling a great deal with codie issues) that there is a lot of gray area between codie stuff (you rushing to solve the apt issue for her - which you have said you won't do) and you turning your back and saying "deal with it yourself" (I'm not saying you're doing that either).

I think that we can remain non co-dependent and still be compassionate toward our A's.

It sounds like you're striving for that with the message you sent her.

As for contacting the management- I think that's a good idea since you have things there you'd like and her actions and possible eviction would impact you in terms of you losing those belongings.

LexieCat

Good job.

Since you are on the lease, I would assume they would be in touch with you if "you" are being evicted. You should be sure the leasing office has your current contact info.

Just wondering, would an eviction reflect negatively on your credit? Something else to consider so far as co-signing a lease for her, too.

m1k3

Shouldn't be a credit issue as the lease is coming due and if she doesn't do something all it means is the current contract has expired. Good catch though I hadn't considered.

Also thanks for reminding me that I have to let them know my current contact information. I was kind of hoping to have a little more time to center myself before she started to meltdown. Actually, because she is in rehab, a part of me wanted her to 'get it'. Doesn't look like that is happening.

Thanks again Lexie.

m1k3

WTBH, the apartment has to do with fact that I am a signer on lease. I need to protect myself with this. That and the fact that I like the cats and LOVE my big screen TV. (It's a guy thing you know and it was really hard to leave it behind but the cost in drama wouldn't have been worth it.)

Thanks for your support, it means a lot to me.

dollydo

Gee, they are persistant aren't they? Especially, when they want something.

Yes, I would speak to the landlord, explain the situation and if you are willing to cosign a new lease, be very clear that it is for a 1 bedroom apartment and the max $ is.....

I do not know what your financial arrangement is, if you are already giving her money for the rent, there really is no reason to cosign, is there? If she defaults on the rent and you are a cosigner, you end up holding the bag.

As for your remaining items, I would get them, then you are done with it.

I have learned that alcoholics can be a bit impulsive, who knows, she may meet someone and decide to move to Istanbul, and, you could be stuck with two apartments.

Keep those shields up, she is not done with this yet!

m1k3

We are still married so I think that I would end up being responsible anyway. I'm still early in the separation/divorce process so all our money is all mixed together anyway. Financially it's not an issue and I did make her a promise that I would give her 1 year to get her house in order. Doesn't mean I'm going to do it for her though, especially since I now know that I can't.

Thank you for your support Dolly, your posts have always meant alot to me.

stepsforward

m1k3, sounds like you are doing a great job focusing on you. We cant stop caring and change overnight. Just keep moving forward. Love reading your posts

m1k3

Thank you, I'll tell you though I really had to pause on this one. There were a lot of things going on and some of it I had to be involved with and some that I shouldn't be involved with and trying to sort it out without getting emotionally attached wasn't easy.

That's why I needed to post it here to let my friends look it over and give me advice where it was needed.

TakingCharge999

Hugs,

I have read here often that you might believe an alcoholic really wants to change - after they give you their AA one-year chip. Anything less than that is quacking.

Just like for codependents, one year without a partner to prove we are on our road to recovery and to finding ourselves, to stop using others to avoid ourselves.

Actions. Words are easy to say.. (and to copy-paste) you handled it very well!

m1k3

TakingCharge, thank you for the hugs and support. I do believe this place has literally saved my life.

Seren

Hang in there, Mike! Sounds like you are keeping your boundaries.....sometimes that means repeating the same message over and over.

Hugs, HG

Thumper

You look good with all that recovery draped over your shoulders.

susanlauren

Why don't you rescue the cats and whatever belongings you have in the apartment, including that beloved big screen TV? That way you are don't have to worry about what unfolds later should an eviction take place. Susan

TakingCharge999

Oh I thought about the cats too they would also provide you some company, laughs, love and help you deal with stress as all pets do...

mike you are a great person and this is off topic but your honesty helps me very much, you are in touch with your feelings...

This is helpful for me, to form a healthier idea of males and change what I have experienced about "your clan" -hearts made out of stone. Or ice.

AND you do ju jitsu!! you are officially cool in my book

pixilation

I have to agree about the cats, I myself am very relieved I was able to find an apartment that I could bring my girl with. I think she'll be happy to be away from the dogs anyway.

m1k3

Actually my wife is very good with the cats even in the middle of her worst binges she makes sure they are feed, watered and litter taken care of. Same she didn't show the same concern with me or better yet herself.

If there is a crash and burn I will make sure I get the cats. Actually I've been thinking about talking to her and taking the one (of the two) that she doesn't like as much. This just isn't as high on the action list right now.

Fandy

Who is taking care of the cats while your wife is away???? aren't they lonely? or am i mistaken in thinking your wife away????

m1k3

She is physically there. I'm the one who moved out. Like I said even wasted she's good with the cats. Just based on her last couple of emails which are getting more and more desperate I am doing as Anvil said and putting together my plan B in case she does a crash and burn.

So far plan B is

Rescue the cats
Rescue the large screen TV
Profit!

Its funny that I can laugh at this stuff now but a month ago I would have been if a full codie meltdown.

Tuffgirl

You are very kind to her. Offering to take care of her regardless. Far more than my A offered - even when we were married.

I think everyone here is worried you are letting these cats starve in some empty apartment. ; )

Good job handling that one. Reminds me of the phrase "pack your bags cause you're going on a guilt trip".