transformyself

Soooo..I "find myself," in another upsetting, awful "relationship," with my current landlord. It's been this way forever, with every landlord I have.

I'm so keenly aware of my creating this situation, I can even see it through my frustration. My first inclination is to put myself in the victim role, and blame others. "How does this keep happening to me!" I cry.

I'll tell ya how. The very first email I got from the woman who owns this house, saying, " I think we have a trusting relationship now," and asking me to take over duties as manager, I should have taken a hard look at this woman, and this relationship. I should have drawn a clear boundary at that time and said, "Hey, you're my LANDLORD, and here is the LEASE and this is the relationship we have."

I mean, it was all drawn up and in front of me. Why do I change up my boundaries and let people manipulate and guilt trip me Plus, I blame THEM after?

So, I with this last request to raise the rent for some reason she has made up, I sent her an email, with no emotion, saying, "We have a signed contract. if you want to renegotiate that contract when it's over, that is the appropriate time to do so."

Ah, that's better. Even though I have a tendency to panic, I keep just confirming my boundary, and lose the bizarre guilt. You're not my Mommy. I'm not freaking 7 years old. You're my landlord and this is our contract. The End.

Tuffgirl

I am amazed at how easily people step over our boundaries with not a care in the world. So frustrating! But you handled this well - way to go!

transformyself

Thanks TuffGirl. I'm working to be amazed at how quickly I can recognize my responsibility to make clearer my boundaries. I did allow myself to become upset by this, which annoys me in retrospect. My goal is to see these things coming a long way off and be even cleared from the get go.

LexieCat

Yup, we can put ourselves through a lot of angst by taking responsibility for stuff that isn't our problem. I know *I* can overcomplicate by projecting, assuming (and worrying) about the other person's reaction. I hate conflict (ironic, given what I do for a living).

Good goin' on nipping that one in the bud!

MsPINKAcres

just so you will know, in the words of my granddaughters. . .

YOU are the bomb.com!!!

and ma'am that is a good thing! lol

Great job setting a clear boundary and taking care of you!!

PINK HUGS,
Rita

TakingCharge999

Ohh good for you!!! well done transformy, HUGS!!