Raptor

Hi all

I managed to avoid relapse for 6 weeks and this included a few social gatherings and events. I have been to AA meetings every week without fail and had actually gotten use to the idea of being the "sober driver" I actually was starting to regain my life, mariage and self respect BUT... That all changed on Friday night... Complacincy took over and I convinced myself that 3 glasses of wine was ok and that I can handle it... especially after 6 weeks... WELL how wrong I was!!! After that, later in the evening after all had gone to bed, I planned, scheemed and excicuted a binge session till 3AM and am back to square one.

Why is it so hard to stay on the straight and narrow?

newby1961

I know where you are at I spent many years making three steps forward and two backwards.

For me it took a whole lot of pain from consequences. I really had to be so sick of using so that I would be at the desperation stage and willing to do whatever it took to stay sober.

When I got and stayed sober I remember being on my kees so broken screaming if there is a God help me.

I haven't had a relapse God willing in a little over 7 years now, but for 20 + years I was lucky to get 30 days at a time.

It takes what it takes and it also takes a lot of work. I couldn't expect to go to meetings every once inawhile and have the life I saw others having. See those people did the work to get that way.

Don't know if you relate to any of this or not? All I can really say is Keep Coming Back no matter what. Peace

SparklingSeven

I really had to smash any doubt that I was not an alcoholic. Until I really took step one I could not move forward. Even though I convinced myself many times I had taken it, it wasn't until I actually did that I began to get better.

It sounds simple and it was - after I did it. It took many years of torment and experimentation, trying every possible way to drink normally before I had to give up, put my hands up and admit to myself that I was indeed alcoholic.

cairns87

Hi Chopper

Sorry about your relapse I have had the same problem! I manage to get around 6 weeks up my sleave and then relapse! This time I have tried doing things differently! I think I maybe getting a bit complacent again as I have not been to a meeting for a while and have not spent enough time on this site lately! Pick yourself up again mate!

Zebra1275

Why is it so hard to stay on the straight and narrow?

Maybe you are an alcoholic?

totfit

Really, if you hadn't "convinced" yourself 3 glasses of wine would have been ok, would there even be an issue? If one never puts alcohol in their system or thinks they can get away with it in spite of all evidence to the contrary, it is really not a big deal.

SSIL75

I couldn't stay sober until I fully accepted that I was an alcoholic who would enjoy life so much more if I never again drank. Never again no matter what the circumstances.

Bikeguy

6 weeks is great and I'm sure you learned a lot during that time. Now learn from your mistake and get back at it.

Anna

I had to avoid anywhere that alcohol was going to be for many months in my recovery.

That helped me a lot.

Raptor

Thanks to all those with positive comments and constructive advise, it goes a long way.

Totfit you were a bit harsh with your comments but I accept them just the same.

Peace to all

1undone

Raptor, maybe you needed this experience to reinforce the fact that you are indeed an alcoholic. I think recovery is a journey and personally, I can't promise I won't get complacent in the future and do something I'll regret but today I won't. I know I can't drink and that nothing good will come of it but I am human and I will do whatever I can to NOT put the stuff in my system again.

Forgive yourself and move on. Just remember this last drunk so that you will learn from it. Hugs.

susanlauren

Raptor,
Where are you in your step work? If you have lost power, choice and control over your drinking, then not drinking and going to meetings is not going to keep you sober. My problem is that I lack the power to keep myself sober. I had to find a power that would solve my problem. That is what the twelve steps of AA are all about.
Susan

GettingStronger2

You have to be done. There can be no lingering doubt in your mind that you can ever safely drink any alcohol again. That is something of which you must be convinced. Sounds to me that you have not, or did not, quite get to that point yet.

Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. If an alcoholic, you can never drink like other people. Ever.

For me, life with alcohol had become so painful, that no matter how scary the thought of never drinking again may have been, it was better than continuing down the path i was on. I was done. There is no lingering thought in my head that at some point later in life I can have a glass -- or three glasses -- of wine and be okay. I have accepted that. I am not angry about it, i am not sad about it, it just is. And life is much better this way.

I hope that this last time is your last time. It takes what it takes, so don't be hard on yourself. When you are ready, and really done, with no lingering doubts, you will stop and stay sober.

Keep going to your meetings. You said every week, how often? and what else are you doing? Meeting attendance alone will not keep you sober. You have to do the work as laid out in the steps.

michelle01

I relapsed several times before managing long term sobriety. The final time I drank, it hit home to me that I was really out of control, and I surrendered. I'd met my match, with alcohol. No more bargaining, alcohol wasn't an option in my lifestyle anymore.

It takes more than willpower, or just making the conscious decision to stop drinking however... that will only get your so far. Keep going with AA and recovery, if you stay in the race with support you can get there too.

least

I couldn't stay sober until I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink.

Abbzi

Raptor

This stuck out for me

" I planned, scheemed and excicuted a binge session till 3AM and am back to square one."


Im in that head space.. Its damn exhausting mentally to be an alcoholic..all those lonely head times... but a positive is ur honest about where u are at.. Yes, to me. at times its damn hard and lonely to be a drunk...

being sober..Id borrow others strength and for me thats AA.. not for all but it worked

Missy7

I really appreciate Newby1961's

I know where you are at I spent many years making three steps forward and two backwards.

This is where I'm at too. Three steps forward, two backward. But if my math is correct, that's six forward to four back for a net of two gained--right? It's slow but we'll get there.

I also participate in this ridiculous testing. And I can drink one glass of wine--one night. Then the next day I keep on. I went to a family event Saturday and didn't drink even though others did as we played a game at a table. I was proud of myself internally, but not drinking in front of others only made me feel separate. But I did it. However, I really wanted a drink after. I went out for pasta and had a glass of wine, just one, then went to bed. But then the next day I went on an official drinking spree. I justified it by only drinking beer--which is an improvement. I don't feel great on this day one, but I feel better than I would if I had drank what I usually do.

Three steps forward, two back. One step--a better choice.

And I'm here today, as you are, because I have a serious problem that I'm trying to fix. I'm spending time working on why I do this to myself. Maybe that would be a good thing for you to think about.

I am so happy sober. Why give it up? Well, there's a temporary freedom in drinking--but I guess that's not true, is it? I think I'm free and loosened up, but really I'm tied to a bottle. When sober I'm not...

Sorry for processing so much. But I guess this is why I can't stay on the straight and narrow.

instant

Raptor

Complacincy took over and I convinced myself that 3 glasses of wine was ok and that I can handle it

This turned out not to be true. Before complacency set it etc- would you have agreed with the premise?

whilst I do not do the steps or go to AA- the work you need to do relates to the first step. I found a few tips from the a"rational recovery" AVRT short course (free online) helpful.

The big book (free online) is also very useful- it helped me recognise what it calls "moments of insanity" and the delusion that we can drink normaly again gets a grip

Dee74

Hi Raptor

I went back to drinking time and again because I thought 'a couple won't hurt'.
They did - they hurt a lot.

I was ready to concede my drinking was a problem, but I wasn't ready to accept that drinking could not be part of my life - ever - until much later.

Acceptance of that fact - and knowing that my life would need to change - was the key for me.

D

Terminally Unique

Abstinence is a little like learning to ride a bicycle. You get some bruised knees and elbows at first, but soon enough you are flying on two wheels.

It is a learned skill, which becomes easier and easier, until it is second nature.

Yeah, many of us mess up a few times. I lost count of how many times I went back to smoking because I thought I could have "just one" - eventually you realize one puff is too many.

Similarly, eventually you realize that one sip of alcohol is one too many. For me, it's "never take another puff" and "never take another sip."

Try again, it gets easier.