hulot

So this is my first time posting on this forum. I just turned 25 and have had an alarming number of bad nights with drinking and drugs, particularly in the last year. I wound up in the hopsital after a concert having a BAC of .3 as well as coke, speed, ecstasy, and weed in my system.

After that night (last November) I tried the outpatient rehab thing and really didn't get much out of it and quit after a few weeks (was 3 times a week). I still didn't drink but couldn't wait to again (was sober for about 1.5 months) and started out slowly but once again it's caught up to me. I drink mostly everyday (and straight from a bottle of woodford reserve) but I think the real issue is how i get out of control with drinking and will do anything to get drugs, particularly coke. I'll ask strangers, bartenders, people on the street and if I can't find any I'll end up buying crack. A few months ago I wound up smoking crack with a bum all night since I couldn't score any coke.

Last March I wound up doing meth with strangers all night and missed my work flight the next day. Now I have a new job that is a really great opportunity and I can't **** it up. I've already asked several coworkers for coke or molly when I'm drunk and a few nights ago I was wasted and ended up doing coke and adderall all night with one of my coworkers. I know this trend can't continue b/c I'll end up losing my job.

There have been countless other nights like this, putting myself in danger, getting in fights, coming to with a crack rock in my pocket, not knowing what had happened the last 5 hours but feeling the coke high, suicidal thoughts, relationship issues, health issues, etc.

Honestly the outpatient rehab thing didn't appeal to me and I don't want or think I need inpatient rehab. I'm going to be seeing a therapist/addiction counselor this week and am hoping that will help.

I certainly don't want to stop drinking, but I think I recognize the need to. I have many other interests and in a way look forward to being sober, but at the same time I hate the idea of not going out to bars to hang out with people, not being able to drink at work events, and losing that whole social scene.

Any advice for a newcomer to sobriety?

TheTinMan

After reading the first four paragraphs I have a hard time understanding this.

Welcome to SR, you will find a lot of support here.

hulot

Heh, yeah honestly, it's more that I don't want to quit my job to go to inpatient rehab. I want to be able to do become sober with the help of a therapist and support groups.

TheTinMan

I'm with you on losing a job. That would truly suck. But opposed to dying losing a job doesn't seem all that bad. You are playing with some serious fire. I would rather see you in inpatient treatment than dying at 25. You are young there will be another job.

nandm

to SR

I had to think about how I would respond to your post as drugs have never been a real part of my experience. I am an alcoholic and that was all that ever appealed to me.

For me to stop drinking I had to come to that jumping off place of knowing I could no longer drink but not having a clue how to not drink.

It took AA for me to find hope that there was a way to live life without drinking and still have a life. I would recommend you give AA or NA a chance because you might find hope and a chance to find sobriety in those rooms. I know they have kept me sober for 10 years now.

I wish you the best and hope that you find what you are seeking.

Dee74

Hi and welcome hulot

Sounds like your life is getting progressively more and more out of control to me, yeah?

Thats how my life went too, at the end - it seemed to unravel faster and faster, and all the things I valued, all the things that were important to me - job, relationships, pride - I lost anyway.

Whatever you decide to do, my advice is get as much support as you can & work on this as much as you can, and go farther to find it than you ever thought you could.

I hope the therapist helps.

D

1undone

You are 25, so I'm assuming at this point you aren't completely thinking about the finality of death. It happens to people like you every day.

You are willing to live with the fact that you've smoked crack all night with a stranger but inpatient treatment isn't for you? I'm not judging but this is some crazy addict thinking in my book. Won't go into the rest of what you've posted - it's all the same.

You're in serious danger. That's the last of what I'll say at this point other than keep coming back and we are here for you. HUGS

defyinggravity

I understand your thinking - I didn't do inpatient or outpatient either (alcohol, cocaine, and weed) because of my job. I just could not take the time off and my job/place in my graduate program would NOT be waiting for me when I got out. In my eyes, it just was not an option. However, it sounds like you're afraid you might be close to losing your job anyway? I don't know what advice to give you, really. I can tell you that I started off going to AA and got involved in the program, I have a psychiatrist who is an addiction medicine specialist and a therapist as well. So I have a medical "team" helping me through this and it's working so far. It sounds like you may benefit from inpatient, but only you know for sure if that's a possibility or not (I often feel like I might have made a mistake in not going). Good luck in whatever approach you decide to take.

I'm with Dee - support is KEY. Get it from anywhere and everywhere you can. The more people you can turn to when you're struggling, the better. I made a list of all the nice things I was going to do for myself each day...and at the very top of that list was "not use drugs or drink" and it included other things like, work out, take a warm bath, do yoga, read a chapter of a book, walk my dog, eat good healthy meals. And I often used that list to fill my time so I didn't miss the drugs so much. I found friends who weren't necessarily sober but who weren't into partying and going to bars and getting wasted all the time - which wasn't all that hard. At 25, people should be starting to grow up and realize there are other ways to have fun - that's what I experienced with my friends (and I live in one of the biggest party cities in the US). Go bowling, go to movies, out to dinner, to museums, if you live near a body of water rent a boat or canoe, sporting events...whatever you think is fun. You don't have to be in a bar to socialize.

Anna

I understand that you don't want to lose your job, but as others have said, remember what you're dealing with here. Addiction is relentless. I'm glad you have found a therapist to help you with your recovery. I know that you can do it, and I hope you want it badly enough to stick with it.

least

I was told that I'd be able to stay sober when I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. That has been true for me as I want to be sober more than anything.

Bikeguy

Welcome to Sober Recovery you have taken a good first step coming here. Have you made the decision you are going to quit? And if so I think it's important to have a plan and support in place. Keep coming back to Sober Recovery, read and post here, it can be a great place to help you through the difficult times.

lkc2010

Hi H,

It appears that you need inpatient care. Here's the good thing: you have health insurance and it will cover the care. It is CONFIDENTIAL. You can take a medical leave of absence from work and legally they cannot fire you. I would suggest you call a local inpatient care in your area, find out the logistics per ins, then talk to your ins company and check into care.

Addiction is a real doozy (believe me I know). Your thinking is out of whack. Help yourself before your bottom becomes even worse or you die.

LKC

Terminally Unique

Yes.

Knock it off - including the booze - for good.

Doing anything else is a detour which you may come to regret someday...

Zencat

Being aware hulot that you have a problem that you can address is a good start as it was for me. Once I made a firm decision and had a comprehensive plan to address that problem...lo and behold I started to get well.

I commend you for your awareness, at such an early age, that drastic changes in your lifestyle needs attention. I wasted three quarters of my life thinking that all was cool, even tho I was locked in the grips of an illness that eventually caused me unfathomable suffering and pain.

Know that you have it within your means to turn your life around...I did it and it was the best thing I ever done. So get it done