italianladi41

As a home mom to four little ones under five i found myself looking forward to my drinks once they were in bed. it really scares me to think how am i going to unwind without drinking. i cant wait for that drink. my day is so stressful. Nothing else seems to work. not sure i am going to be able to do this! any other moms of toddlers who are home with them feel this way???? what do u do to cope???

Latte

My children are older now, but when I had littles at home I took them along to meetings.

What I do these days to unwind? A good book, some herbal tea, a good workout, chat with friends, play Angry Birds (pass phone off to the older kid to pass the levels for me..), watch a comedy, bake, cook, learn to knit (failed miserably at this), listen to new music, go out for coffee after my husband gets home.

Tonight we're making S'mores in the back yard to celebrate Fathers Day. The single Father across the street is coming too!

ADaisyifyoudo

I can imagine that 4 under 5 is a handful. I have one beautiful 3 and a half (almost 4) year old and I can so related to wanting to have a drink after I got her in bed, especially when my husband was working and I had her on my own all day.

In the past 18 days, though, I realized that I was always rushing through her bedtime routine, hurrying through books and skipping pages, all so I could get downstairs sooner and (back) to my drink. Makes me sad, since she's about the best thing that ever happened in my life.

Perhaps after you spend some time with your kids getting them to bed you could take a warm bath, read a book, sit outside and look at the stars, call an old friend on the phone and catch up. . .some of the things I have tried to do. You could also rent a TV series that you haven't watched and watch one episode a night (assuming you get to like it). I liked Deadwood a lot :-)

Zencat

No, but I think you will find it amazing that with a sober mind you will think up plenty of ways to unwind without alcohol. Give it a try, you might like it.

Dee74

I'm not a parent, but I'm sure you'll hear from them.

Give yourself time - it may get hard some nights and it may even be a little uncomfortable for a time, but you will find other ways.

Judging by what you said on another post, I think you're making a great choice IL - for you and your kids

D

bellakeller

I started recovery when my kids were 4 and 2. I went to AA for 9 months but I never really took any suggestions so I ended up relapsing all over the place and then landed in a 30-rehab program. By then I was ready to get serious about living sober.

It's hard for us moms but I believe we have so much more to lose if we don't get sober. For me, I need help staying sober and so I do AA and pretty much do what they tell me. It takes all the obsessing out of the equation for me (a big relief) and it's the easiest, softest way I've tried so far and I tried everything under my own power to get sober. I need help with this thing.

Keep coming back. We're here for you.

Much love.

Anna

I think that being a Mom is the hardest job ever.

I hope you can manage a shift in your perspective so that unwinding can be done in a healthy way. I'm sure your alone time is very limited but maybe you have time to do a little yoga in the evening, have a relaxing bath, get caught up in a good book. I understand that it's hard to look at things in a different way, but I am sure that you can find 'good' ways to unwind.

Bikeguy

I'm a dad with 2 small children and I used to try to wait till about 8pm to start drinking so they wouldn't see me (very rarely made it that long). I thought drinking was also my way to unwind. I have found lots of things to fill my time during the evening after I quit. I started reading again, I'll watch movies (was to loaded to remember most of them I watched in the last 5 years), I visit with my wife, workout and am finally learning to just sit and relax. If I'm having a difficult night I will just go to bed early. Give yourself some time to adjust and think back to things you enjoyed before kids and before drinking, it might be a great time to re-discover some of your old hobbies.

SSIL75

I have 3 under 5.

icecream
reading
tv/internet
chatting w/my husband

One a week or so I take the baby to Target/mall and my hubby does bedtime for the older 2. I get a large diet coke from McD's ($1!) and drive.... because I can!! After 4pm!!

Nothing like the freedom of sobriety. I know how you feel. I felt the same way. But the relief.. the release of sobriety... that's an exhale like a bottle or 3 of wine never gave me.

eta: I see in another thread you're still drinking. Just wanted to point out that the nice evenings I'm describing likely won't come immediately and that's OK. The mind can play tricks at the start. But after detox.. it's easier.

dancinggirl

I have three boys by myself. I find that if I get up really early in the morning and don't nap at all during the day, I can go to sleep relatively early at night, thus skipping my normal hours of "wine wind-down" that I had gotten used to.

Maryjan

I am a different mom in many ways now. I still get overwhelmed or snappish, but I don't feel as guilty about it...I realize I need time off then and I take it. I read to the kids for longer...I talk to my kids more, not trying to get back to my drink. I'm present, and calmer. Also, I am really proud of myself. I don't try to ramp it up or make myself "fun" with wine...I'm exhausted at the end of the night, so I go to bed!

jules67

I am a mom of a very high energy child, and I also had her a little later in life so I was needless to say, fatigued.

I used wine at night to wind down after I put her to bed and often when I was cooking dinner. Being a mom is very stressful and can be isolating as well. I do not know what is like to have kids so close together, but I know how intense of a time it is to have little ones.

looking back I think i medicated anxiety and mild depression with alcohol.

jules

EmeraldRose

I had 4 kids...3 were 5 and under and one was 6 years older. I drank most of their years growing up. HOWEVER, at one point I had stopped and started Tae Bo. My husband stayed home with the kids and I'd go sometimes 3 night a week with a friend and it was awesome. A great way to get that energy out. My friend stopped going as much and I hated going alone...we both ended up quitting and I ended up drinking.

Well, what did you except to hear from an alcoholic? LOL :rotfxko

I quit after 30 years of drinking. My youngest is now 18....I hope you can put a stop to it now so you have no regrets later within their childhood.

Abbzi

I so relate.. Id have a bath.. but make it special..oils and candles.. that was my 'me' time.. music and candles through the house as well..when I had some time up I got a yoga dvd that takes up an hour... anything that pampers my soul helps... in sobriety I had to relearn how to pamper myself...especially at the end of a day with kids which was my normal write myself off time...

SSIL75

That's a big one! I am really tired at night now. I remember I would start drinking at say 4. By 9, 10 at night I would be just getting a good buzz and starting to eye the clock wishing my husband would go to bed so I could sneak some more 'in peace' (some peace ). He'd go to bed and I would stay up until 11, 12, 1 even. Convinced that I was just too wound up from my busy day to sleep. That I was finally alone and could bask in the the solace with more wine.

Really I was constructing this whole drama just so I could drink more.

But anyway now I start to feel really tired around 9. Sometimes I stay up until 10, sometimes not. Often, DH and I go to bed together and read/chat.

It's a whole new world.

flutter

I quit drinking before I got pregnant with my now 18 month old, so I don't have any experience of using alcohol in the same way (to wind down after he's in bed).. but I'll say, even just with the one kiddo, I'm in bed reading a book 5 minutes after he is down for the night.. course he doesn't go down til about 9, and I like to get up by 6 to have a bit of 'me' time before our day begins again. When he used to go to bed earlier, I'd spend time watching a little TV (that I never otherwise have time to watch!), dive into a good book, chat with the hubby about our day.. but I find the earlier I go to bed, the better I feel the next day anyways!