Desperate to quit alcohol
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 4
Desperate to quit alcohol
Hello. This site looks like a really good resource for people in my position so I thought I'd put my experience out there and see if anyone has similar symptoms.
Alcohol since day one has been very bad for me. I originally used it to self medicate depression. In the intervening fifteen years it has taken over to such a level that the only thing resembling enjoyment anymore is the process of getting drunk.
Everything else, relationships, activities has fallen by the wayside. I can still hold down a job which leads me (falsely) to believe that everything's ok.
Recently the after effects have become very severe, extreme physical sickness, racing mind and major depression are all there. With the absolute strongest effort I can make it six or seven days without a drink.
Does anyone know why I can never get over that length of time?
Alcohol since day one has been very bad for me. I originally used it to self medicate depression. In the intervening fifteen years it has taken over to such a level that the only thing resembling enjoyment anymore is the process of getting drunk.
Everything else, relationships, activities has fallen by the wayside. I can still hold down a job which leads me (falsely) to believe that everything's ok.
Recently the after effects have become very severe, extreme physical sickness, racing mind and major depression are all there. With the absolute strongest effort I can make it six or seven days without a drink.
Does anyone know why I can never get over that length of time?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Hi Jamie 
Welcome.
I self medicated too - alcohol was my emotional regulator, my stress relief, my sleeping draught, and my pain relief.
I think when we do that, there's a psychological dependency going on - or there was for me...even long after my medicine stopped working, I still turned to it because it was the only tool I had.
My cycle was generally only about 3 days.
You don't need me to tell you alcohol actually makes depression worse.
I really recommend you see your Dr, if you haven't already, and seek professional help for your depression.
It's also a good idea to see your Dr about detox too - it can be rough for some of us.
How to get past your days?
Support changed everything for me - I found a lot of support here - it really made a difference for me to feel as if I wasn't alone in this...even when it looked too hard, I knew others here had advice to see me through.
There's a lot of options for help available, of course...others use things like counselling, or a recovery group like AA or SMART.
Keep reading and posting - it's good to have you here
D
Welcome.
I self medicated too - alcohol was my emotional regulator, my stress relief, my sleeping draught, and my pain relief.
I think when we do that, there's a psychological dependency going on - or there was for me...even long after my medicine stopped working, I still turned to it because it was the only tool I had.
My cycle was generally only about 3 days.
You don't need me to tell you alcohol actually makes depression worse.
I really recommend you see your Dr, if you haven't already, and seek professional help for your depression.
It's also a good idea to see your Dr about detox too - it can be rough for some of us.
How to get past your days?
Support changed everything for me - I found a lot of support here - it really made a difference for me to feel as if I wasn't alone in this...even when it looked too hard, I knew others here had advice to see me through.
There's a lot of options for help available, of course...others use things like counselling, or a recovery group like AA or SMART.
Keep reading and posting - it's good to have you here
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Venus, Space
Posts: 757
Welcome to SR! It's a good first step.
I was able to go up to maybe 90 or 120 days in the past trying to quit from time to time. I could never make it stick and I think it all came down to a combination of getting to that point where enough was enough and finding a recovery plan that worked if I was willing to put as much energy into it as my drinking and partying.
For me that is AA, SR (this site), exercise, and a variety of other healthy activities. You can view AA and SR as my two primary tools though.
Find what works for you and don't be afraid to have more than one weapon in your arsenal - you'll likely need as many as you find work for you.
Again, welcome!
I was able to go up to maybe 90 or 120 days in the past trying to quit from time to time. I could never make it stick and I think it all came down to a combination of getting to that point where enough was enough and finding a recovery plan that worked if I was willing to put as much energy into it as my drinking and partying.
For me that is AA, SR (this site), exercise, and a variety of other healthy activities. You can view AA and SR as my two primary tools though.
Find what works for you and don't be afraid to have more than one weapon in your arsenal - you'll likely need as many as you find work for you.
Again, welcome!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 4
Hi Dee74, thanks for your reply. I've gone to the doctor about depression over the years before and even ended up in hospital a few times. It seemed to be one major alcohol induced crisis to the next which in turn fed into the depression leading to more alcohol. I tried a few things over the years, SSRIs, other medications and (briefly) counselling.
None of these worked because I suspect subconsciously my heart wasn't in it. The difference now is that the after effects have gotten so bad it really is a case of alcohol or me.
None of these worked because I suspect subconsciously my heart wasn't in it. The difference now is that the after effects have gotten so bad it really is a case of alcohol or me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 4
Hi SwanSong. I wish I could get to even the 90 days. Or even a month. I've noticed something change in my drinking habits recently however. In the past my trigger would be psycological such as stress or depression related. These days it seems a strong physical need kicks in around day 6 or 7 irrespective of how I'm feeling.
I think (although maybe I'm wrong) that this is a physical dependence taking root.
One major problem for me is that all my friends are drinkers and some of them heavy drinkers. My choice is often between sitting at home over the weekend or joining them at a bar.
I think (although maybe I'm wrong) that this is a physical dependence taking root.
One major problem for me is that all my friends are drinkers and some of them heavy drinkers. My choice is often between sitting at home over the weekend or joining them at a bar.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
My social circle was similar - and so was my choice - alcohol or me.
I had to make some pretty heavy lifestyle changes Jamie.
I've never regretted it tho - my true friends supported me...and the drinking buddies moved on.
D
I had to make some pretty heavy lifestyle changes Jamie.
I've never regretted it tho - my true friends supported me...and the drinking buddies moved on.
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Venus, Space
Posts: 757
JAmie,
When I first left AA back in 2008 it was horrible, I couldn't put together 1 to 3 days, and I was getting severely blackout drunk....this went on for several months and I couldn't seem to make it back into AA (ego to fragile).
Over time I 'distracted' myself with physical activities, scuba diving, snowboarding, climbing, etc. - I also ditched 95% of my friends so that 'helped' - the problem with being able to put 30 or 90 days together is that it gave me the illusion that I could actually control my drinking and thus prolonged my inevitable spiral downward back into the abyss. At the end, for the last 3ish months I was a daily, hard core binge drinker. Probably on that verge of letting the lead me back to drugs, cause that was patterns from the past.
So, there are pro's and con's to each of situations....well, that's a poor way to phrase it. Rather, there are as many cons to being able to put a handful of days or months together when the intention is not stop and stay stopped as I noted above. I sometimes think it is more dangerous to have the illusion that we can control our drinking, either through delusion or small periods of abstinence, than simply struggling to put 1,2 or 7 days together. At least then, you know your predicament and the choices are clear - sober or possible an alcoholic death - there is no illusion of control.
Wrt- what you just said in your last post, yes it sounds like the physical withdrawal and their cravings based on my experiences but you should consult your DR as we can't give medical advice, but that's what it reminds me of from my past.
Oh, and since getting sober this time around - I eliminated the last 5% of people who were not conducive to my sobriety. I only associate with sober friends or people who do not have a problem with alcohol (and as such don't drink much at all). Everyone else, as Dee noted, really weren't friends anyway- just drinking / partying peeps...misery loves company and they would do anything to drag me back into their lives 'read their misery'.
Honestly, when I was in the grips of my addiction, I did the same thing to them. Of course they were never trying for true sobriety but I'd 'rally' up a small crew (1 friend, 3 friends) even if they were horribly hungover and wanted the day off- cause that didn't fit into 'my' plans. Oddly, I was a selfish alcoholic
When I first left AA back in 2008 it was horrible, I couldn't put together 1 to 3 days, and I was getting severely blackout drunk....this went on for several months and I couldn't seem to make it back into AA (ego to fragile).
Over time I 'distracted' myself with physical activities, scuba diving, snowboarding, climbing, etc. - I also ditched 95% of my friends so that 'helped' - the problem with being able to put 30 or 90 days together is that it gave me the illusion that I could actually control my drinking and thus prolonged my inevitable spiral downward back into the abyss. At the end, for the last 3ish months I was a daily, hard core binge drinker. Probably on that verge of letting the lead me back to drugs, cause that was patterns from the past.
So, there are pro's and con's to each of situations....well, that's a poor way to phrase it. Rather, there are as many cons to being able to put a handful of days or months together when the intention is not stop and stay stopped as I noted above. I sometimes think it is more dangerous to have the illusion that we can control our drinking, either through delusion or small periods of abstinence, than simply struggling to put 1,2 or 7 days together. At least then, you know your predicament and the choices are clear - sober or possible an alcoholic death - there is no illusion of control.
Wrt- what you just said in your last post, yes it sounds like the physical withdrawal and their cravings based on my experiences but you should consult your DR as we can't give medical advice, but that's what it reminds me of from my past.
Oh, and since getting sober this time around - I eliminated the last 5% of people who were not conducive to my sobriety. I only associate with sober friends or people who do not have a problem with alcohol (and as such don't drink much at all). Everyone else, as Dee noted, really weren't friends anyway- just drinking / partying peeps...misery loves company and they would do anything to drag me back into their lives 'read their misery'.
Honestly, when I was in the grips of my addiction, I did the same thing to them. Of course they were never trying for true sobriety but I'd 'rally' up a small crew (1 friend, 3 friends) even if they were horribly hungover and wanted the day off- cause that didn't fit into 'my' plans. Oddly, I was a selfish alcoholic
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: On the road to recovery
Posts: 78
Hi Jamie and welcome!
My problem is the same as yours but the location and situations differ. I neve really drank socially, most of my drinking was done in the comfort of my own home, my drinking buddy was my glass. Of course my wife too but I now see I was just dragging her into alcoholism.
It is hard to kick the dependancy, you do have to change things - I didn't have drinking buddies to kick but I had a chair in the house and a wine glass to kick.
It meant finding other things to do in the evenings instead of sitting there drinking.
I do some exercise now, spend more time talking to my daughter, do some DIY around the house - little jobs that have been waiting for a while.
Perhaps the most important thing I do is spend 30 mins a day or so reading on SR (I only occassionally post as I am not sure I have much to contribute - self esteem thing...) - it's a great support when you feel low or like drinking again
I think the key is change, new hobbies, new friends (perhaps), definitely new outlook.
Good to have you here
My problem is the same as yours but the location and situations differ. I neve really drank socially, most of my drinking was done in the comfort of my own home, my drinking buddy was my glass. Of course my wife too but I now see I was just dragging her into alcoholism.
It is hard to kick the dependancy, you do have to change things - I didn't have drinking buddies to kick but I had a chair in the house and a wine glass to kick.
It meant finding other things to do in the evenings instead of sitting there drinking.
I do some exercise now, spend more time talking to my daughter, do some DIY around the house - little jobs that have been waiting for a while.
Perhaps the most important thing I do is spend 30 mins a day or so reading on SR (I only occassionally post as I am not sure I have much to contribute - self esteem thing...) - it's a great support when you feel low or like drinking again
I think the key is change, new hobbies, new friends (perhaps), definitely new outlook.
Good to have you here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 4
Thanks everyone for your advice and support. I agree with a lot of what's been said, I will need to get a new social circle. The last incident was truly shocking and pushed me into addressing it seriously once and for all. I got the full whack of audial hallucinations, tremours, severe depression and a genuine fear that the body or mind was going to give up the ghost once and for all. The alcohol over time has become a far worse problem in itself than the depression it was used to medicate.
Some of the other experiences I've been reading about here says that it can be done. I'm going to take some time out and deliberately keep a distance from the people and places that trigger the drinking. For me at least the party friends will need to be kept at arms length for a while. They all know I need to do this and I suppose if they're genuine at all they will respect that. Unfortunately for geographical reasons I dont think a formal programme is available to me.
Once again thanks for reading the thread and sharing your advice and experiences with me.
Some of the other experiences I've been reading about here says that it can be done. I'm going to take some time out and deliberately keep a distance from the people and places that trigger the drinking. For me at least the party friends will need to be kept at arms length for a while. They all know I need to do this and I suppose if they're genuine at all they will respect that. Unfortunately for geographical reasons I dont think a formal programme is available to me.
Once again thanks for reading the thread and sharing your advice and experiences with me.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
I was an at home drinker...I'd drink, go on a binge, husband would get mad, I'd stop, it would get better, then I'd start...incliments of a week or so. Until I changed my habits, nothing changed.
AA is my saving grace now...because that is every week so I look forward to it and plan my week accordingly. For me, I had to think outside the box, get away from the habits of the booze and clear my life, so to speak. Not easy but can be done.
AA is my saving grace now...because that is every week so I look forward to it and plan my week accordingly. For me, I had to think outside the box, get away from the habits of the booze and clear my life, so to speak. Not easy but can be done.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
Welcome Jamie,
I think you've gotten good advice here.
Once you stop drinking, that's when the hard work begins. Making changes in your life in crucial to recovery and it sounds like you're ready to begin.
I think you've gotten good advice here.
Once you stop drinking, that's when the hard work begins. Making changes in your life in crucial to recovery and it sounds like you're ready to begin.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I also suffered -- and still do -- from depression; like many alcoholics I drank to self medicate. I couldn't get -- or stay -- sober without the support of other people. The people of AA went out of their way to help me stay sober and maintain that sobriety.
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