How far we have come on our codie journey...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: MASSACHUSETTS
Posts: 441
How far we have come on our codie journey...
Let's post how far we have come and some things that we do not do anymore since finding SR.
I no longer
1. Look for empty beer cans in the basement!
2. Try to prove to AH that he has been drinking (even though he says he has not)
3. Argue back when the QUACKING starts!!
4. Knock some sense into AH by telling him he needs recovery and AA
I no longer
1. Look for empty beer cans in the basement!
2. Try to prove to AH that he has been drinking (even though he says he has not)
3. Argue back when the QUACKING starts!!
4. Knock some sense into AH by telling him he needs recovery and AA
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 383
Oh...good idea.
I no longer am ignorant about alcoholism/addiction.
I no longer believe it is MY job to help, rescue, save any other person on the planet...even though I'd still like to.
I AM learning to honor, like and love myself.
I am finally feeling and believing that I DO matter.
I am no longer allowing life to just happen to me, I am actively creating MY life.
I'm sure I'll think of more.
I no longer am ignorant about alcoholism/addiction.
I no longer believe it is MY job to help, rescue, save any other person on the planet...even though I'd still like to.
I AM learning to honor, like and love myself.
I am finally feeling and believing that I DO matter.
I am no longer allowing life to just happen to me, I am actively creating MY life.
I'm sure I'll think of more.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Good thread, JRG.
I no longer:
1. believe anyone who tries to define me
2. question my truth or my reality or my feelings or my intuition
3. listen to quacking
4. feel superior when RAH does something really stupid. I now have empathy for why he does stupid things, the same way I have empathy for myself when I am learning new things
5. get wrapped up in trying to "convince" someone else of something
6. worry about the things I really have no control over
7. afraid to try new things or take the time to figure things out (I am rockin the DIY house projects!)
8. blow off complaints or take a self-defeating posture. I accept them with grace and pride
9. think I have to be perfect
10. feel lost and scared.
11. feel intense anger at the RAH. I think I've hit a point of forgiveness. I just wish he would find that place of forgiving himself now.
12. control my daughters...and I think they like me better these days
13. worry about money...yeah I am broke now but I am happy and that's all that counts.
14. procrastinate...doesn't make me feel good about myself.
15. feel guilty for being who I am.
~T
I no longer:
1. believe anyone who tries to define me
2. question my truth or my reality or my feelings or my intuition
3. listen to quacking
4. feel superior when RAH does something really stupid. I now have empathy for why he does stupid things, the same way I have empathy for myself when I am learning new things
5. get wrapped up in trying to "convince" someone else of something
6. worry about the things I really have no control over
7. afraid to try new things or take the time to figure things out (I am rockin the DIY house projects!)
8. blow off complaints or take a self-defeating posture. I accept them with grace and pride
9. think I have to be perfect
10. feel lost and scared.
11. feel intense anger at the RAH. I think I've hit a point of forgiveness. I just wish he would find that place of forgiving himself now.
12. control my daughters...and I think they like me better these days
13. worry about money...yeah I am broke now but I am happy and that's all that counts.
14. procrastinate...doesn't make me feel good about myself.
15. feel guilty for being who I am.
~T
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
I no longer feel sick to my stomach coming home from work.
I no longer have to walk on egg shells
I no longer have to worry about what will set off my AW
I no longer feel like that little kid laying in bed and wishing he was dead. Wow, that came from real deep in the basement. I haven't thought about my AF in years.
I no longer feel weak.
I no longer have to walk on egg shells
I no longer have to worry about what will set off my AW
I no longer feel like that little kid laying in bed and wishing he was dead. Wow, that came from real deep in the basement. I haven't thought about my AF in years.
I no longer feel weak.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: By a River
Posts: 83
Oh, good one!
No longer try to control, fix and save him.
No longer expect, obsess and deny.
No longer say yes when I mean no.
No longer try to help him in ways that don't help.
No longer try to make him see things my way.
No longer afraid to trust my feelings.
No longer believe lies and then feel betrayed.
No longer say the same things, over and over and over and over.
No longer try to solve problems that aren't mine to solve.
No longer feel like I'm hanging on by a thread.
No longer react and respond urgently and compulsively in patterns that hurt me.
No longer jump into the first feeling that comes my way and wallow in it.
No longer allow him to determine when I will be happy; when I will be peaceful; when I will be upset, and what I will say, do, think and feel.
No longer feel like I HAVE to do something about him because I can't stand it for another minute.
No longer keep myself in a crisis state.
No longer make his behaviors a reflection of my self-worth.
No longer give up my self-esteem to his disapproval or rejection of who I am or what I have done.
No longer take things so personally.
No longer assume that if he is angry it has something to do with me.
No longer allow his mood, negative thoughts, problems or drinking ruin my hour or my day or my life.
No longer react to his reactions.
And that's only the beginning...
And yet I still have a lot to learn to no longer do...
No longer try to control, fix and save him.
No longer expect, obsess and deny.
No longer say yes when I mean no.
No longer try to help him in ways that don't help.
No longer try to make him see things my way.
No longer afraid to trust my feelings.
No longer believe lies and then feel betrayed.
No longer say the same things, over and over and over and over.
No longer try to solve problems that aren't mine to solve.
No longer feel like I'm hanging on by a thread.
No longer react and respond urgently and compulsively in patterns that hurt me.
No longer jump into the first feeling that comes my way and wallow in it.
No longer allow him to determine when I will be happy; when I will be peaceful; when I will be upset, and what I will say, do, think and feel.
No longer feel like I HAVE to do something about him because I can't stand it for another minute.
No longer keep myself in a crisis state.
No longer make his behaviors a reflection of my self-worth.
No longer give up my self-esteem to his disapproval or rejection of who I am or what I have done.
No longer take things so personally.
No longer assume that if he is angry it has something to do with me.
No longer allow his mood, negative thoughts, problems or drinking ruin my hour or my day or my life.
No longer react to his reactions.
And that's only the beginning...
And yet I still have a lot to learn to no longer do...
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
I no longer get mad at the universe that I didn't get a working "FIX EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW" button. 
I'm no longer a nervous wreck, afraid of my own shadow, and blaming myself for everything that went wrong because I was the only one who was responsible.
Now I recognize that everyone is responsible for their own choices, and whether or not they choose to be responsible for responsible choices or irresponsible ones has nothing to do with me if I don't want it to.
I'm no longer a nervous wreck, afraid of my own shadow, and blaming myself for everything that went wrong because I was the only one who was responsible.
Now I recognize that everyone is responsible for their own choices, and whether or not they choose to be responsible for responsible choices or irresponsible ones has nothing to do with me if I don't want it to.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 362
I no longer:
-hang onto my worries for an extended period of time--Instead I notice them and send them on their merry way.
-am insanely jealous of other women. I appreciate each of them for their unique beauty and realize that I am one of them.
-hang onto my worries for an extended period of time--Instead I notice them and send them on their merry way.
-am insanely jealous of other women. I appreciate each of them for their unique beauty and realize that I am one of them.
Skipper
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: South Texas, USA
Posts: 827
LOVE this thread!
I no longer live by everyone else's definition of life.
I no longer get scared in my own home.
I no longer have ugly flashbacks to my childhood every single day.
I no longer worry about what bad relationship patterns my son will pick up from watching what I was doing so very incorrectly.
I no longer live by everyone else's definition of life.
I no longer get scared in my own home.
I no longer have ugly flashbacks to my childhood every single day.
I no longer worry about what bad relationship patterns my son will pick up from watching what I was doing so very incorrectly.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 428
Great thread!
I no longer:
think that my "R"AH drinking is something less problematic than it is
believe that I will find the right words to make RAH change
let the smell of alcohol change my day
think that RAH is the only one with a big problem
do anything I don't want to do just to make RAH happy
try to control anyone but myself (well except for my kids...lol)
feel hurt when RAH quacks, I simply see it for what it is
get baited into pointless arguments
get angry if I find out RAH has been drinking
feel hopeless and completely overwhelmed
attend my own pity party, I simply feel my emotions and don't wallow in them.
think my happiness starts with someone else.
stand in the way of my RAH feeling the consequences of his actions
am exhausted from wasting my time and energy on all of the above
feel ALONE
I no longer:
think that my "R"AH drinking is something less problematic than it is
believe that I will find the right words to make RAH change
let the smell of alcohol change my day
think that RAH is the only one with a big problem
do anything I don't want to do just to make RAH happy
try to control anyone but myself (well except for my kids...lol)
feel hurt when RAH quacks, I simply see it for what it is
get baited into pointless arguments
get angry if I find out RAH has been drinking
feel hopeless and completely overwhelmed
attend my own pity party, I simply feel my emotions and don't wallow in them.
think my happiness starts with someone else.
stand in the way of my RAH feeling the consequences of his actions
am exhausted from wasting my time and energy on all of the above
feel ALONE
Present
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: "Happy Rock" (Gladstone) Oregon
Posts: 1,360
Originally Posted by JACKRUSSELLGIRL 
Let's post how far we have come and some things that we do not do anymore since finding SR.
I no longer
1. Look for empty beer cans in the basement!
2. Try to prove to AH that he has been drinking (even though he says he has not)
3. Argue back when the QUACKING starts!!
4. Knock some sense into AH by telling him he needs recovery and AA
I no longer
1. Look for empty beer cans in the basement!
2. Try to prove to AH that he has been drinking (even though he says he has not)
3. Argue back when the QUACKING starts!!
4. Knock some sense into AH by telling him he needs recovery and AA
I no longer
1. Look for empty (or full) mini wine bottles in the apartment or the car
2. Confront AH about drinking
3. Argue with the quacking
4. Attempt to make AH act sanely (control him, that is)
5. Let AH's drinking dictate my mood
6. Blame AH
7. Allow my AM to "make me feel" unhappy
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
I no longer have sex with someone in order to protect my children from his anger.
I no longer hate myself for doing that.
I no longer feel guilty for things other people do/say/feel.
I no longer think I'm responsible for anyone else's feelings.
I no longer hate myself for doing that.
I no longer feel guilty for things other people do/say/feel.
I no longer think I'm responsible for anyone else's feelings.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Somewhere in the big ole' world....
Posts: 545
I no longer live my life in the shadow of others. People either accept me the way I am or move along.
I no longer fear being alone. After all, I was in a relationship with an A, where I WAS alone. I now know the difference.
I no longer want to fix the A in my life or others that I may think need my fixing skills. I'm far from perfect on that front but so much further ahead than I was about three years ago.
List in progress, when I think of something else, I'll add it! I may have to keep pen and paper by the computer!
I no longer fear being alone. After all, I was in a relationship with an A, where I WAS alone. I now know the difference.
I no longer want to fix the A in my life or others that I may think need my fixing skills. I'm far from perfect on that front but so much further ahead than I was about three years ago.
List in progress, when I think of something else, I'll add it! I may have to keep pen and paper by the computer!
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Fl
Posts: 118
I no longer have trouble ending a conversation if I hear the words of manipulation/false guilt sinking in. I no longer feel embarrassed to be seeking counseling because it benefits me. I no longer expect perfection from myself because I know I am a work in progress and that is okay with me.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
WONDERFUL THREAD!
Look, people, these are my SR friends !
I no longer
-wish I had someone else's life instead of my own
-wish for bad things to happen to XABF
-even think about XABF, no contact is wonderful
-think I am ugly. In fact its easier for me to go "oh how pretty!" infront of the mirror!
-isolate that much...
-hope my dad would change
-believe judgments about my character and how I fall short in this or that. I am me. That's all
-worry about money, I am also BROKE but I got what I need and am very happy and content with my life..
-dismiss blessings such as: health, a gorgeous sunset, a beautiful flower..
-feel disconnected with myself anymore
Its funny because once I started to know myself better, see myself as smart, pretty, creative artist... these last few days people have given me compliments and have told me how smart, pretty and artistic I am LOL .. coincidence?? and while I write this I hear a voice saying "of course you are not those things, or not enough of any of that" and I can just ignore it and go on feeling good about qualities I have
Look, people, these are my SR friends !
I no longer
-wish I had someone else's life instead of my own
-wish for bad things to happen to XABF
-even think about XABF, no contact is wonderful
-think I am ugly. In fact its easier for me to go "oh how pretty!" infront of the mirror!
-isolate that much...
-hope my dad would change
-believe judgments about my character and how I fall short in this or that. I am me. That's all
-worry about money, I am also BROKE but I got what I need and am very happy and content with my life..
-dismiss blessings such as: health, a gorgeous sunset, a beautiful flower..
-feel disconnected with myself anymore
Its funny because once I started to know myself better, see myself as smart, pretty, creative artist... these last few days people have given me compliments and have told me how smart, pretty and artistic I am LOL .. coincidence?? and while I write this I hear a voice saying "of course you are not those things, or not enough of any of that" and I can just ignore it and go on feeling good about qualities I have
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: dover, pa
Posts: 20
This thread gave the me the boost I needed! I've been working on my steps for a few weeks and steps 1, 2 and 3 when beautifully and the last few days I started on step 4. BRICK WALL. (If anyone knows where to find the blueprints for progress I read about in some threads, I'd appriciate it.) When I started looking for help this morning, however, the positive words of all of you reminded me that I needed to remind myself of the things I HAVE been able to accomplish the last few months. THANK YOU to all of you!
I no longer:
feel like I am alone.
feel anxious every day, all day.
search pockets, drawers, ect.
feel the need to be his "keeper".
look in the mirror with shame.
I no longer:
feel like I am alone.
feel anxious every day, all day.
search pockets, drawers, ect.
feel the need to be his "keeper".
look in the mirror with shame.
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