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Old 06-17-2011, 09:42 AM
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Back and not sure

Back poking around again at a few stories. I was posting here about six months ago. During Lent, I said that I was only going to drink on weekends, and avoided alcohol during the week. I did a good job during the week, but when the weekend would come I would binge. I drink about 6-12 beers a day after work. I have really be conscious of how much lately, and really disappointed in myself. I am a father and a husband, and have a good job. No one knows this is me, and it is my little secret from the world. I am scared, tired and depressed over this. I always thought alcoholism was a poor person’s disease or for people that had no self worth. I now look in the mirror as possibly one of these people and it scares me to death. I just want to be normal, and happy and to not spend all this money on booze. I feel regretful now, but I now that the work day is almost done and my habit will likely rise again.
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Old 06-17-2011, 10:03 AM
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Hi and Welcome back,

Well, alcoholism is certainly not just a poor man's disease, but I think most alcoholics have low self-worth. That's why when we quit drinking, there is so much work to be done. And, I think you are experiencing what the disease does to us. It isolates us and we lie to keep our secrets.

I hope you are ready to start recovery.
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Old 06-17-2011, 10:04 AM
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Ww/God...my thoughts are with you. I also gave it up for Lent, as I often had before. Last time, I made it 20 days, this time 30 days. Today, I'm on Day 3 again. I've wrestled with alchoholism for 25 yrs. Don't wait for the problem to grow any further. I've lost a lot, not my family, but I'm 48 and my business has been failing for the last year or two. Thank God for my wife's income, or we'd be the poor people you picture.

Alcoholism knows no social status. Skid row alcoholics are real, but at the bitter end. Many had been successful before. But, the movie depictions sometimes leave out the rest of us; professionals, lawyers, doctors, businessmen. There is no discrimination. There are many sources available in books to learn more about the disease. When I was in rehab, I learned that it is both inherent; i.e., genetic; and environmental; i.e., learned. Everyones road is different. You owe it to yourself and your family to learn your unique propensities for alcoholism. If you go on AA.org, there is a list of questions to help you assess, as well as much other information. It's a great organization, but I don't attend meetings. There are other organizations, smart recovery, for one.

I wish you the best in your pursuit of sobriety. I know, having had a 1.5 yr stint once, that there are many rewards, but you must see alcohol for what it is... a poison to people like you and me. We just need to learn to cope differently, that's all. And to not drink the first drink.

Welcome to SR! I hope
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Old 06-17-2011, 11:20 AM
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Originally Posted by walkingwithgod View Post
... now that the work day is almost done and my habit will likely rise again.
Habit? This happens to be a pet peeve of mine. A habit is automatically putting on your seatbelt every time you get in a car. Drinking 12 beers a day, not being able to stop drinking even though you want to is an addiction to alcohol.

In your previous posts you seemed to question that you had a problem. You seem a little closer to accepting that you have a problem with alcohol, perhaps even alcoholism. If that is the case, welcome. Now work on a recovery plan. Research alcoholism and its treatment, read AA's Big Book. Seek out a meeting or some form of counseling. Take action!
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Old 06-17-2011, 11:29 AM
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I am in therapy as I am dealing with depression and social anxiety. I have used alcohol in social situations to make myself feel better. I go home after work and before anyone gets home I have beers. When I stopped drinking during the week during lent I woke up feeling good. Now I wake up sluggish and tired. I don't like being alone, and when I am I drink to give myself something to do and to not think about regrets or worries about the future. I just don't know.
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Old 06-17-2011, 11:40 AM
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I know your struggle all too well! As does everyone else here. Anyone can be an alcoholic. I wish there wasn't so much negative stigma with having a drinking problem. I mean it's a mind altering drug that we use to escape and it's legal. So of course many of use are going to have a problem with it. Ugh!

I am working on finding new ways to cope with my feelings. I haven't figured out all that works but at least I'm trying something different besides getting blitzed.

I wonder what it will take in our society to finally make being addicted to alcohol less of a taboo problem and more along the lines of just another legal substance that is okay for some and not others. Those others need a little extra help not using it. Why do I feel like I have to hide this from the world. It's just so weird.... Sorry didn't mean to go off in another direction... LOL I'm glad you are here and hope you get lots of support.
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Old 06-17-2011, 12:10 PM
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that the work day is almost done and my habit will likely rise again...

Well, first you need to get in the frame of mind where the word 'likely' is replaced with the word 'not'.
It's not easy to admit that we can't control something so trivial like a drink. I understand you have other issues, but taking aclohol out of the picture may make the other things less inducive.
Welcome.
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Old 06-17-2011, 12:17 PM
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wwgod,

Alcohol is a depressant - it can cause depression and anxiety. When you were in therapy did you tell your therapist you drank 12 beers a day?
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Old 06-17-2011, 12:33 PM
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I tell my therapist it is only 3-6 and that it is not really an issue. I am embarrassed, which means I have a problem.
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Old 06-17-2011, 12:37 PM
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Originally Posted by walkingwithgod View Post
I tell my therapist it is only 3-6 and that it is not really an issue. I am embarrassed, which means I have a problem.
You therapist cannot help you unless he/she knows the truth. And alcohol literally kills the efficacy of many anti-depression and ant-anxiety meds. It could be like taking noting at all because you are still drinking. Spill it out, you will feel a lot better.
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Old 06-17-2011, 01:01 PM
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ww/G,
Sounds pretty much like me and my case only I wasn't in therapy and was a very social outgoing person. Some if us compensate by silence and some of us compensate with the opposite and look like the perfect persona.

I had it 9 months ago and quit both smoking and drinking. Life is great now! Nor perfect, but much better than drinking. Know what I found out? I found that I am pretty bad socially, and am having to relearn what alcohol masked from me all those years. It would be much easier to just crawl back into that bottle and say I can't. But really, that only masks it. The funny thing is that it seems we are the last to know.

I am making much headway. None of my improvement of my life would be possible if I didn't face it all squarely and sober.

I now look at my drinking life as a series of stabs in the leg and instead of tending the wound drank until I forgot I had a wound. One day I was hungover and just before I started drinking I realized that my blood was no longer red, but almost clear with alcohol. It almost got me. I stopped in time. Life isn't perfect. I can see that now. And accept it, work on it, and move on.

I hope you choose to soon enough too.
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Old 06-17-2011, 01:09 PM
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I tell my therapist it is only 3-6 and that it is not really an issue. I am embarrassed, which means I have a problem.

Your therapist probably thinks what you told him is inaccurate.

As a rule of thumb, a lot of professionals believe that when someone tells you how much they do something, if it's a negative behavior, then double what the person tells you.

If it's a positive behavior, cut the amount they told you in half.
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Old 06-17-2011, 01:17 PM
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I can relate to you so well.

I am a successful professional and I don't understand why I'm not successful when it comes to alcohol. I hate feeling powerless over it and I hate that I can't control it.

I have depression and anxiety, and social anxiety, and I feel like it's all a big cycle. I drank to not feel anxious or depressed and for a temporary time I just felt happy and outgoing and "normal." Then I felt remorse and regret and even more anxious and depressed. And when I realize I have this big problem and I'm unsure how to deal with it, I feel depressed. I mean maybe whatever I do, I feel depressed or anxious... but how does alcohol help that? It really doesn't. It really makes it worse instead of better.

If you are like me then over time the negative effects of alcohol start showing up a lot more than any "positive" effects. Yeah it helps me be more relaxed and outgoing. Until I end up not knowing, or regretting (which is worse? I don't know) what I said or did. It changes me for the worst and over time it does much more to cause me anxiety and depression than it ever did to help me. At first I thought it helped me but I was just plain wrong.

I don't know why I can't drink like a normal person. I wish I could but I can't. This is a simple fact I am slowly trying to accept and I am not there yet, I still want to rebel against the notion and I still want to think I'm normal but I'm not. I mean, what is normal? I don't know. I think A LOT of people feel like they don't fit in, a lot of people get nervous around other people they don't know well, and a lot of people aren't comfortable in public. Alcohol really doesn't make these problems any easier. Temporarily it seems to but in the long run it ends up hurting more than helping, big time.

I don't know. All I know is I'm not poor. I'm not on skid row. Yet I have an alcohol problem. I came from a conservative, ultra religious middle class family. Probably on the lower end of middle class but it was Small Town America so we were better off than a lot and worse off than some. I had parents who loved me very much and tried to give me a good life. Yeah they were way too super religious freaky and over protective and smothering. But they loved me. They still love me. I was very intelligent and ambitious and creative ever since I can remember. I loved to read and write and learn and explore and I couldn't wait to get out of that little town and I did. I put myself through college and graduate school, I built up a nice career for myself. And yet I never felt accomplished, I never felt fulfilled, I never felt like the image I was working towards and portraying. And I drank and I didn't realize until recently that I had such a big alcohol problem. I can do all of this but I can't control my drinking? It doesn't make sense. I don't have a "reason", like being poor or stupid or from an abusive family etc. I have every reason NOT to drink. And every reason TO drink. It's glamorized, everywhere. Go to the beach and have a daquiri. Go out with colleagues and have Grey Goose. Go to Mexico and have a Corona. I mean it's on commercials and everyone does it and in some ways alcohol/drinking is seen as a sign of success just as much as it's seen in other contexts as a sign of bums on skid row.

Sorry that I'm rambling. I have been thinking about a lot of things and I can totally relate to everything you write. I think it's good that you are being honest. I agree that no one can help you unless you are. My therapist said she didn't think I was an alcoholic but that I could be heading down that road if I don't curb it. Did I tell her about how much I drank? No. Did I tell her how many times I went to work hungover or I blew off responsibilities so that I could get drunk? How many times I was hungover or maybe still drunk while I was sitting there in her office? No. She had no idea. So when I finally said, you know, I think I'm dealing with all of these hard problems by drinking a bit too much, she was like hmmm. Perhaps you should stop drinking or limit your drinking. I mean, duh. I knew that but I wasn't doing it and that's why I never told her. Because I didn't want to have to stop or limit it.

Anyway. You have a family of your own. That is a great reason to stop drinking. I'm jealous. I feel so alone! I only have myself. I need to do this for myself and so do you but just as much so you need to do it for your family and you are blessed to have them there for you. :-) Good luck. I think you can do it if you want it enough! I do understand the struggle. For sure.
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Old 06-17-2011, 01:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Zebra1275 View Post
I tell my therapist it is only 3-6 and that it is not really an issue. I am embarrassed, which means I have a problem.

Your therapist probably thinks what you told him is inaccurate.

As a rule of thumb, a lot of professionals believe that when someone tells you how much they do something, if it's a negative behavior, then double what the person tells you.

If it's a positive behavior, cut the amount they told you in half.
I don't know. I think it depends. My therapist believed everything I told her. When we were finished working together she thanked me for my candor and sincerity. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry because I had not always been totally candid or sincere with her. I was good at hiding the things I didn't want her to know. What a waste of money and time!

I mean maybe she assumed I drank more than I told her but if so she never suggested I do anything about it until at the twelth hour I told her I was worried that I had a problem. And not knowing enough about the extent of the problem I think she was a little confused.

But I wasn't honest with her so that I could tell myself, see, my therapist thinks I'm fine. She doesn't recommend I change a thing when it comes to drinking. I see that now.
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Old 06-17-2011, 01:47 PM
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Therapists

I think the big problem I've had with therapists is that they are just human like the rest of us, and can be fooled or charmed! I talked to a therapist several months ago and basically told her that I was convinced that I was a high functioning alcoholic, that I used alcohol as a coping mechanism, and that I needed to build some different behavioral responses in order to be physically and mentally healthy.

In a nutshell she said something to the effect of if I thought alcohol was a problem then I should stop drinking but that I seemed very self-aware and that it was unlikely I was an alcoholic. I was very well educated about the problem (and I work in the medical field) and basically talked her into thinking I was fine even though I had started off telling her that I drank to excess on a regular basis.

I am sure there are great therapists out there that would see through my ******** and call me on it, but I haven't found one. . .and of course, I'd have to be willing to not feed him/her the crap in the first place too.

It's very, very hard. I am on day 17, first time I've really tried to stop drinking for real. I worry that I this won't be my only time. Tonight's going to be hard.
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Old 06-17-2011, 01:48 PM
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welcome back walkingwithgod

D
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