ADaisyifyoudo

So, my neighbor and girlfriend just had her offer on a house (first time home buyer accepted). She has been a tenant of mine for several years and she and her husband want to take my hubby and I out to celebrate tonight with some other friends. This group is my drinking buddies. Karaoke, poker nights, dancing, costume parties, wild and crazy and fun.

I said I would be the designated driver.

It's going to be incredibly hard for me to 1) not drink and 2) have fun while not drinking.

Bikeguy

Great job on volunteering to be the designated driver that alone gives you a great reason not to drink. When I end up in situations like that I try to make sure I have a plan going in, I always try to have another beverage in hand and if it gets to hard make an excuse to go for a quick walk to get away from it and regroup. Let your husband know that it is going to be difficult for you so you have some support there when need be. Good luck, you can do it!

daisygurl

I would try to refrain from doing that sort of thing in the future. They should have a DD, but that puts you in a tight spot because you are stuck there if it gets to be too much to handle. I would suggest going in your own vehicle or with someone who doesn't drink next time.
Best of luck and honor your feelings when it doesn't feel right.

1undone

I wouldn't go. Too early in the game for me, I couldn't not drink. Ugh! Just me though. I'd buy them a nice house warming gift and say I have a bad headache. I'm just so vunerable right now. One thing I've learned early in my sobriety is that it's okay not to do these types of things for a while.

Happier

I can relate. My old "drinking friends" are also family members so I still have to go to the pool parties, barbeque's, birthdays.....or any other excuse to drink that they can come up with!

So far I'm the only one that has tried the "sober thing". Several others would benefit from it but have not yet made that choice. They really aren't a challenge at these events because I think deep down, they realize they may have drinking issues that they need to address.

The tougher case for me is this one cousin that is more of a heavy occassional drinker. He doesn't seem to understand the addiction side of things. (This is ironic and sad since it would help his wife immensly if he did.) It is tough since he constantly asks me if I want something to drink and on often tries to make me feel guilty or feel like a party-pooper if I don't.
In some stubborn way though, this usually strengthens my reslove. The heck with him. I'm certainly not giving up my sobriety for that type of petty behavior!

Anyway....sorry to vent. Your post obviously helped me!

Bottom line for me is that these events can still be fun....just in a different way. I'm always happy when I stay true to myself. Who knows, maybe my example may help one of the others come to terms with their decisions ?? Regardless though, it's the right choice for me.

SSIL75

My sober nights out have surprised me. They don't actually revolve around alcohol the way I thought they did.

The ability to escape is important though. Could they take a taxi if needed?

ADaisyifyoudo

Thanks, some helpful thoughts here. I could stay home, but not sure which would be worse - sitting here alone while hubby goes out drinking with all the old friends (oh, and there's plenty of booze in the house, hubby still drinks) or going out as the DD. Friday nights are pretty crummy for me so far either way.

I also (hope this doesn't sound incredibly shallow) don't want to compensate by absolutely stuffing myself with bar food. Staying at a fighting weight has always been a bit of an effort (Lord, I remember back in the days just post-college, our joke was "drink and smoke yourself thin"), but even more so now that I'm over 40. I really don't want to pack on the pounds as my self esteem has taken quite a beating already.

Anna

I couldn't have done that.

SSIL75

Something that helped me in early sobriety.

"So what if it's a sh#t night". I would tell myself that. A hundred times if necessary. If the worst thing that happened to me that day was a boring, white-knuckly night then it would at least not be something I'd regret.

silly

I agree. It's nice that you offered to be the DD but it forces you to stay out for as long as they all want to stay. What did your group do for a DD before you got sober? I'd fall back on that plan.
And actually, I wouldn't go at all. I won't go to events where the main focus is drinking. No bars, no clubs and no parties unless it's a dinner party or something like that. It might be hard to see your husband go without you, even harder if he comes home drunk but neither of those things will be as hard as sitting there for hours watching all of them drink.
Any chance you can toss the booze in the house? Perhaps your husband can support you that way, even if he's not willing to help in other ways. When I was first trying to get sober, my partner was upset when I said the booze needed to go. The thing is, my partner wanted me to get sober so there was a choice to be made. What kind of person would say "get sober" and then refuse to dump the rum? One of the most important thing for any of us struggling with addiction is to have a safe home. A place where we aren't constantly being tested and tempted and taunted.
I made a few rules with her about her own drinking that I am happy I made. I told her that if she has been drinking, don't kiss me or breath on me or anything. If she came home drunk, she should go to bed and go to bed quietly. I do not want to try to converse, I don't want to hear how not drunk she thinks she is, etc...

silly

oh, and the thing about compensating with bar food is certainly not shallow. I understand completely where you're coming from with that concern. It seems like just another reason not to go to the bar, right?

Dee74

I took time out from all social activities involving drink until I was sure it wouldn't be incredibly hard for me.

I still consider those few months a great investment on the rest of my life.

D

ADaisyifyoudo

So, the place we typically would go was packed, so we wound up at a restaurant/bar across the street with a casual but cool back deck. Family type place, more of a restaurant than bar. Everyone was in a mellow mood, had beers and dinner rather than drinks at the bar. I stuck with water, and actually had a really nice time. Lots of funny stories, loads of laughs.

Thanks to everyone for the advice and positive thoughts. The universe threw me a softball tonight so it was pretty easy to stay the course.

Wishing you all a wonderful night as well.