Missy7

Hi Guys--Happy Friday.

Well, we are facing another weekend. I've got Friday handled with a big craft project and a prime tenderloin steak in the fridge for dinner--might as well stay home.

My problem with this weekend is that tomorrow I face my beloved son in law's out of town mother.

It is our granddaughter's sixth birthday (yay) and we are of course having a party.

I have never seen this woman, in the ten years my daughter has been with her son, when she has not made some obnoxious crack about my drinking. Sometimes it's innocuous--"Where's your glass?" Sometimes it's absolutely obnoxious--"Are you sure you have finished the wine?" But it is ubiquitous.

And often it's far worse.

The stress is that I have both not drank and drank at events just to spite her. Sometimes I drink to prove it's none of her business, sometimes I drink to prove that I can skip it.

Tomorrow I need to not drink because, well, "Honey Badger Don't Give a S...."

She is jealous of me for some good reasons. She has never had a career and I live near our grandkids (she doesn't). So she knocks me down if she can.

I'm jealous of her because she's never had to work and comes from generations of money where I come from generational alcoholism. But I've never insulted her silly little self--ever.

Phwew. Wish me luck.

One liners appreciated. Humor will be the key.

Oh, and I've made my granddaughter a fantastic fairy doll that she is going to love far more than the generous check my out of town counterpart will write for her.

doggonecarl

Resentments are recovery killers.

Latte

In situations like this I focus on the children, when I do that, I find that the rest just doesn't matter. Any comments just don't hold much weight when you're knee deep in kid stuff. I love working with children, they don't judge.

flutter

I have toxic people in my life that I can't (by relation) get away from.. similar to things like this.

If she says something, and you aren't able to successfully avoid her, just look at her and smile, and walk away and throw some love at the grandbaby. She's totally not worth the energy, especially on such a special and fun day.

Happier

Just my thoughts and my opinions. Hope they are not way off base or offensive. Please feel free to disrgard them if so. Wishing you the best.

1. Don't Drink - it will obviously only make things harder and this is not the type of environment or event that you want to have in your "regret" column

2. Try to avoid this person as much as possible. Minimize the interaction with her.

3. Sounds simple...but just be "civil" and "polite". It is a truly sad and sick person that continues to attack someone that is being polite and civil. Others will see this for what it is and you can rest well at night knowing you had no part of it.

4. Remember this is for your granddaughter and the kids. They are very sensitive to stressful environments and situations. Don't be a part of one.

5. Here's a tough one. If and when you really have time to work on a huge challenge.....FORGIVE. Let is go. This relationship appears to be causing you lots of stress and discomfort. Fogiveness is the only way I know to take away its power to do so.

Fandy

Ohhh, i can feel that type of stress...you try soooo hard to be the bigger person.

here's a few reminders to help you (I hope)...

you must look fantastic in your sobriety...your skin, your eyes, your personality oozes improvement....you can take her jabs and feel sorry that she NEEDS to do this because she is the smaller person.

if you feel you have to respond to her and she has made a comment...I always use the phrase..."what a KINDthing to say"! anyone within earshot will get it and if she has any manners at all she will be embarrassed.

hang with others who support you and congrats on your granddaughter's birthday! I hope she will get over herself and keep the focus on the celebration.

wellwisher

I'd just keep it in the moment, and remember civility is quite empowering.

Rather than gear up for an expected insult tomorrow, and being ready with a few zingers of your own, I'd let my actions speak louder than words. It is a day for you to enjoy as well; don't give someone the power to rob you of it. That goes for today, too. Enjoy your project and your meal without anxiety.

Ignore any taunts and respond with only a smile. If she presses, (and malcontents will do that) thank her for her opinion and for using the thirty seconds of time in your life that you will never be able to get back, and mingle with others.

Nothing burns a malcontent's ass more than being ignored.

Signed,

Former President and CEO of
Malcontent, Inc.

Anna

Absolutely, remember she is not worth a thought.

Her purpose is to knock you down, and you need to side-step that.

My advice would be to remain civil but distant.

serious

"kill 'em with kindness"

newwings

You can handle this, Missy! Just look at how great you've been doing recently. With these kind of people, you are damned if you do, and damned if you don't. Whatever kind of resentments you hold right now with her, they will be twofold if her attitude knocks your confidence. I agree with the others: move away, minimal contact, hang with people who love you for who you are.

Good luck!

woowaa

Might be time to fully wax any stairs she is likely to walk up, even if they aren't wooden steps, waxing stone steps is good for them

Dee74

Well, I agree with Anna - be civil but distant. Don't engage.
Personally, the Alexis and Krystal thing is not a good look - focus on your grandbaby

D

Dee74

Well, I agree with Anna - be civil but distant. Don't engage.
Personally, the Alexis and Krystal thing is not a good look - focus on your granddaughter

D

bellakeller

Her: "Where's your glass?"
You: "Where's your muzzle?"

Her: "Where's your glass?"
You: "That's not what she said."

Her: "Where's your glass?"
You: "Your mother has it."

Her: "Where's your glass?"
You: "Up your @$$."



.....OK not funny. I am TERRIBLE at these one-liners!!

Best of luck with daughter's MIL. She sounds like a piece of work.

instant

Hi Missy
1. This is her issue- keep it her issue - don't buy into it
2. is it possible to feel sympathy for poor dear (who has to be mean to get her kicks etc)
3. deliberately remind yourself / tell yourself teh special things that are happening concurrently
4. let your partner know so he can ride shotgun

bratnik

I'm not suggesting this but all of these zingers made me laugh - I just moved to TX and think "Bless your heart" is the most hysterical zinger. (I didn't know it before I moved here, it can be said in both a friendly and passive-aggressive dig).

Opivotal

I agree, smile, be nice and concentrate on your Granddaughter. I know its difficult. I have family like her. I don't let myself get close enough, for then to hurt me anymore. If I have a situation I can't get out of, I try my best to be nice, but guarded.

You should walk around with your head held high! Be proud of yourself, and most of all enjoy your Granddaughters Birthday!




Best Wishes To You!

Opivotal

lol Bella!

laurie6781

I live in New Mexico very close to El Paso Texas.

Bratnik beat me to it.

"Bless your heart." Smile and walk away.

I have used it many times in the last 20 years of living here, and it is wonderful. It so helps in keeping a resentment from forming.

I know you can do this Missy.

Keep hubby close, and stay close to the granddaughter. After all the day should be all about her.

Sending some good thoughts and prayers your way.

Love and hugs,

BobGT

Missy, remember that you have to be around her for one day. She is stuck with herself every day. It must be a very unhappy existence.

I hope it works out ok.