Coming up on 90 days
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 65
Coming up on 90 days
Got together last night with my sponsor to do my fifth step, got partway through and ... just couldn't go through with it. Still not ready to admit to myself and the world that I am really powerless over alcohol, that my life was unmanageable. This despite the fact that more often than not I drank to get drunk, lost control of how much I drank once I started, and couldn't stop for more than a few days when I made an effort to control it.
I'm not drinking today but it is proving hard to accept this new identity as a non-drinker. I've had 90 days before and ended up drinking, and the urges are pretty strong right now. Will hopefully be able to keep going
I'm not drinking today but it is proving hard to accept this new identity as a non-drinker. I've had 90 days before and ended up drinking, and the urges are pretty strong right now. Will hopefully be able to keep going
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 624
Comanche - I don't do AA so I can't offer you experience with the 5th step at all, but I want to let you know I am inspired by your coming up 90 days. I don't know if I could ever admit the powerlessness thing, but that's because I'm not doing AA and so my thought process about sobriety is different. I need to stay strong in mind and keeping saying I do have power over alcohol. I don't know why it's so important to me, though. If you are stuttering over the 5th step, then your sponsor should really be digging further. If you feel it really is going to be a barrier in continuing sobriety, is there anything else you can try, even if just temporarily? (I'm thinking AVRT, or SMART).
What do you think is the issue with the 90 day thing? Is it weighing heavily in your mind this time because you drank at 90 days last time?
I just wanted to say - you CAN DO THIS. Sending you strength.
What do you think is the issue with the 90 day thing? Is it weighing heavily in your mind this time because you drank at 90 days last time?
I just wanted to say - you CAN DO THIS. Sending you strength.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Have you noticed we have a sub forum about AA Steps?
Here is the link...you might find it useful
Step Study - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
You won't be telling the entire world on any Step....
congratulations on your sober progress...
Here is the link...you might find it useful
Step Study - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
You won't be telling the entire world on any Step....
congratulations on your sober progress...
WTG on almost 90 days
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Great job on 90 days, do not give up! Having said that this quote disurbs me:
If you still can't admit you were powerless your sponsor should not let you even attempt step 5. Why wasn't powerlessness addressed immediately with your sponsor?
Got together last night with my sponsor to do my fifth step, got partway through and ... just couldn't go through with it. Still not ready to admit to myself and the world that I am really powerless over alcohol, that my life was unmanageable.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 65
Originally Posted by dgillz 
Great job on 90 days, do not give up! Having said that this quote disurbs me:
If you still can't admit you were powerless your sponsor should not let you even attempt step 5. Why wasn't powerlessness addressed immediately with your sponsor?
If you still can't admit you were powerless your sponsor should not let you even attempt step 5. Why wasn't powerlessness addressed immediately with your sponsor?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
congratulations on the imminent 90 days 
I think anything important is worth doing well so I'm glad you're back looking at step one.
Maybe some of the bods in the 12 step forum can help you figure out what it's all about
D
I think anything important is worth doing well so I'm glad you're back looking at step one.
Maybe some of the bods in the 12 step forum can help you figure out what it's all about
D
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi comanche - Congrats on almost 90 days! Milestones are great, but I found that I had some shaky moments right around (usually before) them. So keep hanging in there......
The words "alcoholic" and "powerless" are a hurdle for a lot of us I think. All I know is that when it comes to drinking, I don't make sane decisions, and I've been unable to stop using my willpower alone.
A while back, you posted reasons why you thought you weren't an alcoholic along with reasons you thought you were - here's part of that post:
The last thing on the list - that you would still want a drink in spite of the consequences - says (to me at least) that you're powerless over the mental obsession. And that's what gets us to drink after all. Maybe talking to your sponsor will help....... I wish you all the best!
The words "alcoholic" and "powerless" are a hurdle for a lot of us I think. All I know is that when it comes to drinking, I don't make sane decisions, and I've been unable to stop using my willpower alone.
A while back, you posted reasons why you thought you weren't an alcoholic along with reasons you thought you were - here's part of that post:
WHY I KNOW I'M AN ALCOHOLIC:
- Could never quit for more than a few days
- Drove drunk frequently, and one time got pulled over but blew under the legal limit
- Binge drank almost every weekend, and if I didn't felt like I was missing out on something
- Was starting to drink alone at night, telling myself that this is what adults do
- Became mean and ugly towards girlfriends when drunk
- Cheated on two girlfriends while drunk (really ashamed of this one, and don't blame it all on alcohol, but just my inability to express myself healthily in the relationship)
- Drank to fit in with others
- Felt like I needed alcohol as a crutch in social situations, that I was not funny or interesting enough without it
- Lost a great job due to alcohol/drugs
- Still want to drink despite all of the above...
- Could never quit for more than a few days
- Drove drunk frequently, and one time got pulled over but blew under the legal limit
- Binge drank almost every weekend, and if I didn't felt like I was missing out on something
- Was starting to drink alone at night, telling myself that this is what adults do
- Became mean and ugly towards girlfriends when drunk
- Cheated on two girlfriends while drunk (really ashamed of this one, and don't blame it all on alcohol, but just my inability to express myself healthily in the relationship)
- Drank to fit in with others
- Felt like I needed alcohol as a crutch in social situations, that I was not funny or interesting enough without it
- Lost a great job due to alcohol/drugs
- Still want to drink despite all of the above...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Congratulations on the upcoming 90 days. 
With that being said...move on...don't get stuck in the mud if you've been stuck there before. Learn a lesson...set a new goal...move forward.
The first step for me was easy...I'm working on the rest -in due time. I don't feel that you need to cram all the steps into the beginning of sobriety. Tonight (in AA) we discussed Step 9 and making ammends. It would be great to make a list and just call everyone. But my life doesn't work that way. I think that people and situations are presented to you in the right time of your life. We need to realize the situation and take action on it when its' presented. When it's natural.
So maybe you aren't ready for Step 5. So what? In due time it will come to you and you can accept it. Not everything is as easy as black and white...some things are defined in the gray area and when revealed to you it will make sense at that time.
With that being said...move on...don't get stuck in the mud if you've been stuck there before. Learn a lesson...set a new goal...move forward.
The first step for me was easy...I'm working on the rest -in due time. I don't feel that you need to cram all the steps into the beginning of sobriety. Tonight (in AA) we discussed Step 9 and making ammends. It would be great to make a list and just call everyone. But my life doesn't work that way. I think that people and situations are presented to you in the right time of your life. We need to realize the situation and take action on it when its' presented. When it's natural.
So maybe you aren't ready for Step 5. So what? In due time it will come to you and you can accept it. Not everything is as easy as black and white...some things are defined in the gray area and when revealed to you it will make sense at that time.
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