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When do the flash backs end?

Old 06-15-2011, 09:18 AM
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When do the flash backs end?

Hi everyone,

I've been sober now for three days and have been having really bad flash backs to the stupid and angry thing I said while blackout drunk. I hit rock bottom on the weekend at a bachelor party and said and did some really hurtful things to everyone there. I went to the ER yesterday because I was having anxiety attacks about it and some withdrawal symptoms, for which I was prescribed valium. The valium seems to help, but I'm just wondering if the flash backs will continue after the detox is complete.

Thanks to everyone here, it has been great reading about the same things as I've been going through. It's nice to know there's a lot of similar people out there.
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Old 06-15-2011, 09:22 AM
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Well, I also had lots of flashbacks, though not of my blackout periods. The blackouts are lost to me forever and that's scary. I think that the flashbacks will not stop as soon as you detox, but as your life changes, they will likely lessen. The thing is, when we drink we numb our feelings away. When we stop drinking, all those feelings that we've hidden from are still there and we still have to deal with them. Try to focus on positive thoughts and feelings as much as you can.
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Old 06-15-2011, 09:32 AM
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Hi TTM - I could probably say that the majority of people here have some pretty hellacious memories of past actions and behaviors while we were tanked. The guilt, the shame, the regret, it can really become obsessive and all-encumbassing. I am sure everyone deals differently - but you can't beat yourself up over it. It's done - I made sure to apologize the next day (and there were plenty of those "next days") as shameful as I felt. Sometimes I was apologizing for something I didn't even know I did (someone had to tell me about it). I have some friends who stuck by me and some who didn't. What you are doing now is a positive step forward and hopefully eliminating those future episodes from occurring again. Don't dwell on it, it's not going to help you out. Look forward, try and stay positive and focus on getting well!!
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Old 06-15-2011, 12:37 PM
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Thank you everyone for your responses. I only have a small prescription for the Valium that I'll take for the time being. I normally don't like to take anything at all, no Tylenol, advil, etc. I'm just afraid if I don't calm my anxiety, I'll calm it with alcohol and begin the whole process again. I am looking into al anon groups right now, an work my way to clean healthy living because I've been treating my body like an amusement park for far too long.

Thanks.
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Old 06-15-2011, 01:07 PM
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Welcome TenaciousM

I'm glad you went to the ER - I think getting medical attention is the sensible thing to do if we're concerned about any aspect of our health

I agree with Anna - as my life changed, the flashbacks and all the guilt shame and other emotions associated with all that, lessened

D
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Old 06-15-2011, 09:23 PM
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At the hospital they took blood and my liver enzymes were quite high as well. I have all the incentive I need to stay sober, just keeping the memories at bay so I can get my confidence back and begin to heal. Just one step at a time as they say.
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Old 06-15-2011, 09:28 PM
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Have you considered seeing a therapist? They can help you develop healthy ways to manage your anxiety.

I think the memories of what we have done can definitely be traumatic. You've spent how long covering up those emotions with alcohol/drugs etc... You're going to have to feel all those things at some point. I hope you can find the support you need to get through this.
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Old 06-15-2011, 10:36 PM
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TTM- Welcome
Well, I am in AA reluctantly at first, but everything else I tried failed me... so I thought, "why not, what do I have to lose."

We have many cliche's. The one that comes to mind to me now is another I heard again tonight and the last thing my councilor said to me before leaving treatment "Remember, this too will pass" and "Time takes Time."

None of us are on this forum and in other self-help recoveries because our lives were fabulous. Our lives sucked and we were sick. We can't shut the door on our past and take back many of the hurtful things we said or did. But if you are serious about sobriety and are ready to do whatever it takes to stay sober, you will find that you can soon sleep at night knowing you did your best, take a quick inventory, learn from what went wrong and grow!

With 3 days you've got a very good start. Many don't make it that far. You've shared on this board and tried to learn. Even fewer would make a comittment to take action. Good for you! Your brain and body are going to try to fight you for a little while. After a week sober I was having relapse dreams nightly for another two weeks. They subsided after a while, but I had another just the other night. Even in my dreams I feel disappointment in myself for my actions. Again -just our brains trying to make sense of it all. I'll bet even new vegetarians have hot dog eating dreams occassionally.

These early days will be very dynamic for you. A lot of things won't make much sense. You'll wonder if you're about to die or feel completely cured - sometimes within the same day, or hour, or minute.

My doctor also prescribed me some meds that really helped me in the first couple of days. She knows my drinking history very well since my wife works for her and was careful to give me something that would help but not also cause cross-addiction.

You've made it this far, now make the best of it. Can you find an outpatient treatment center that is highly respected? I walked out of one during the assesment because I realized they were more worried about getting a customer than treating my illness - I wanted inpatient because I knew I was that far along, they recommended IOP since they don't do inpatient.

I found making that action comittment very early on while I was still hard with shame and remorse made it even more real for me and my comittment was 100%. I learned so much, my body had a chance to heal in a safe place under qualified medical supervision.

Now, what are you going to the 3 days you have? That's 24 hours times 3. Making friends with others in recovery can be a great way start a sober life, and sometimes- a phone call to one of them when you feel like you are on the brink can turn a potential relapse into hope or just get you past that moment.

I'm in your corner. I've been doing a lot of reflection on my first week lately myself.

Peace and Strength to you, my friend,
-SPG
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Old 06-16-2011, 04:48 AM
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I did not have a bad physical detox but the emotional fallout was horrific, I remember As I rebuild my life the new is pushing out the old. Time is passing and the pain is lessening. It's just something you have to move through.

Brighter skies are on the horizon.
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Old 06-16-2011, 06:56 AM
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Personally I use those 'flash backs' of my drunken obnoxiousness and embarrassment to fuel my sobriety. Whenever I think about drinking again I remember the most embarrassing shameful things I have done and said.

Use them to bring a positive change into your life and they become much less painful to deal with if that makes sense.
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Old 06-16-2011, 07:09 AM
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Flashbacks! If it weren't for flashbacks I wouldn't have a memory at all.

Now there are only certain situations that stand out in my mind. I've learned to accept them and realize they are from my past life and I can only move forward and make all my memories good ones from now on.

As long as you were drinking is how long it will take to forgive, trust and get over drinking. It doesn't take one therapy session or one week of meditation...its an ongoing process. We never really forget things -just accept them and move on.
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Old 06-16-2011, 10:08 AM
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This can be a vicious cycle. I remember beating myself up over my behavior, and guess what? Seeking comfort in drink again, same thing over. I think it's a way that the disease tries to keep itself going.

You're not alone, I did some mortifying things. I've been in meetings with people who had a lot of 'baggage' but had obviously built new lives for themselves. It took a bit of time to earn trust back from people, but now we've all moved on. I'm happy now to be alive and have another chance. That's what counts to me.

I have had some strange flashbacks to my drinking days. Sometimes it's as if they are embedded in my physical/emotional memory. Not in the sense of withdrawal anxiety (I hope that gets better for you soon). But months into recovery, sometimes I could be put back into some moment. Begin going into that trance like state. But by then I had learned how to handle it.
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