Twisted logic

Old 06-15-2011, 08:45 AM
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KRA
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Twisted logic

So I posted earlier, that my girlfriend trashed the place a few days ago because I wouldn't lend her a pair of shorts. She is now playing the blame game and blaming me on her inability to find anything. Says it is my fault that she can't find clothes to wear to work, needed paperwork, etc because I wouldn't lend her my shorts. Err, it's not my fault. My not lending out shorts should not have lead to gf's apt trashing and I didn't trash the place, she did. Why doesn't she take responsibility for her own actions. Also, she's been sober for almost 2 weeks now. Will her illogical thinking (ie blaming) improve the longer she is sober?

Also, I had to call 911 on her 2 weeks ago. The police came, determined that she was a danger to herself/others and took her to the hospital. The hospital had to assign a hospital policeman to her because she was behaving so erratically and reported her to the medical board for monitoring since she works in the medical field. She blames this all on me. Will she ever Take responsibility for herself? Also, why can't she realize she's got problems and is a mess right now? If those other people didn't agree with me she would never have been taken to the hospital involuntary.
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Old 06-15-2011, 09:22 AM
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Your GF is living in her own reality.

The best thing you can do is go to Al Anon, I posted 2 websites for NYC on your other thread, where you can find meetings for you.

There you will learn how to set Your own personal boundaries at to what is and is not acceptable to you. You will also find face to face support.

The 3 C's we live by are:

I didn't CAUSE this.

I can't CONTROL this.

I can't CURE this.

She will not find recovery until she is ready. Please take care of you.

Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care very much.

Love and hugs,
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Old 06-15-2011, 09:24 AM
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KRA, alcoholics live in a state of denial. They project their faults on to other people so they don't have to take a real look at themselves.

Alcoholics lie, alcoholics manipulate people and alcoholics don't care about anyone but themselves. Until she is ready to get better on her own she won't. There is nothing you can do about that, you have no control over her getting better.

What you do have is control over your getting better. Find some Al-anon meetings and start attending, visit SR as often as you need to and pick up a copy of 'Codependent no more' by Melody Betty. It is a real eye opener.

I'm sorry to say there are no happy endings with active alcoholics.

(((hugs)))
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Old 06-15-2011, 05:57 PM
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Maybe she will, maybe not. It depends on if she gets into real recovery (where SHE wants it for HERSELF) and honestly works the program. My ex was 2 years sober BEFORE I met him (but not in actual recovery) and 2 1/2 years later, he still blames and doesn't take responsibility for anything he does. It's a crap shot we can't predict as it depends solely on the specific A. In fact the last words I ever heard from him was that I destroyed his life...because I learned about all of his lies, that he cheated on me for 8 months and left him.
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Old 06-15-2011, 06:05 PM
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Yeah, it's tough because she may always blame you for all of her problems, not everyone finds recovery and stops doing that. My STBXAH currently blames me for everything bad going on in his life, he even invented the idea of me having an affair as the reason I want a divorce, which is totally untrue. I keep having this fantasy that someday he will realize this divorce is because of his alcoholism and apologize to me sincerely but every time I talk to him, it becomes more apparent that the realization may never come and I just have to not expect it anymore and move on.
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Old 06-15-2011, 06:56 PM
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Some people who are alcoholics are also mentally ill and dangerous (whether physically dangerous or mentally, emotionally or psychologically), regardless of whether they're drinking or sober. Of course, I don't know if your GF is, but my X was/is. Being sober didn't make him safe or sane.
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Old 06-15-2011, 08:41 PM
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TWO WEEKS?

It's not like an alcoholic puts the bottle down and everything is fine. It takes a loooooong time to change, it's a great deal of hard work. And some people don't change, don't stay sober. While it's wonderful you support her sobriety, there's nothing you can say or do that will change her.

But is this what you want for your life? I think that's what you should ask yourself. I don't know you but I'm 100% certain you deserve better than this.
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