Day of gratitude.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 647
Day of gratitude.
It's day 44. My so called 'boyfriend" of 5 years has yet to ask me how I am doing or even speak to me about my recovery or my feelings. I'm not going to let that get me down though. My 22 year old daughter text me today telling me how proud she is of me for sticking with it and that she is glad to have her mom back. My cup runneth over.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 426
Day 44, that's awesome!!!
I'm glad your daughter is giving you the praise you deserve. I'm sure she's happy to have her parent back. That recognition goes a long way, huh? My husband doesn't really say anything either (11 days today) which is probably why I am here so much because there is so much support. Keep it up!!
I'm glad your daughter is giving you the praise you deserve. I'm sure she's happy to have her parent back. That recognition goes a long way, huh? My husband doesn't really say anything either (11 days today) which is probably why I am here so much because there is so much support. Keep it up!!
Programmaddict
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: God's Hands
Posts: 217
It's a tough break. Your program and your recovery is your business.
I feel twinges of resent when my wife questions me about meeting topics and such.
I view that stuff in her life as simply none of my business, even if she is talking about it.
While I make a big point to stay out of her business I do make sure to encourage and understand. Last night was her 30th day so I took her out to dinner to celebrate. I also occasionally ask sincere questions about her feelings. For example, I was curious how it felt when she came home from treatment.
I've found that for both of us we are really good at wanting something but not asking for it. I cannot expect her to read my mind or to really to even notice I'm hurting unless I say it kindly and ask plainly for what I need. I'll tell you now it doesn't always work immediately but it seems to work over time. I also make a point to not repeat myself so that I'm not pressing or controlling.
Keep up the good work. It's the best thing you can do for yourself and by proxy those you care for. It will only get better as long as you stick to it.
I feel twinges of resent when my wife questions me about meeting topics and such.
I view that stuff in her life as simply none of my business, even if she is talking about it.
While I make a big point to stay out of her business I do make sure to encourage and understand. Last night was her 30th day so I took her out to dinner to celebrate. I also occasionally ask sincere questions about her feelings. For example, I was curious how it felt when she came home from treatment.
I've found that for both of us we are really good at wanting something but not asking for it. I cannot expect her to read my mind or to really to even notice I'm hurting unless I say it kindly and ask plainly for what I need. I'll tell you now it doesn't always work immediately but it seems to work over time. I also make a point to not repeat myself so that I'm not pressing or controlling.
Keep up the good work. It's the best thing you can do for yourself and by proxy those you care for. It will only get better as long as you stick to it.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 647
Originally Posted by bratnik 
Day 44, that's awesome!!!
I'm glad your daughter is giving you the praise you deserve. I'm sure she's happy to have her parent back. That recognition goes a long way, huh? My husband doesn't really say anything either (11 days today) which is probably why I am here so much because there is so much support. Keep it up!!
I'm glad your daughter is giving you the praise you deserve. I'm sure she's happy to have her parent back. That recognition goes a long way, huh? My husband doesn't really say anything either (11 days today) which is probably why I am here so much because there is so much support. Keep it up!!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 647
Originally Posted by Programmatic
It's a tough break. Your program and your recovery is your business.
I feel twinges of resent when my wife questions me about meeting topics and such.
I view that stuff in her life as simply none of my business, even if she is talking about it.
While I make a big point to stay out of her business I do make sure to encourage and understand. Last night was her 30th day so I took her out to dinner to celebrate. I also occasionally ask sincere questions about her feelings. For example, I was curious how it felt when she came home from treatment.
I've found that for both of us we are really good at wanting something but not asking for it. I cannot expect her to read my mind or to really to even notice I'm hurting unless I say it kindly and ask plainly for what I need. I'll tell you now it doesn't always work immediately but it seems to work over time. I also make a point to not repeat myself so that I'm not pressing or controlling.
Keep up the good work. It's the best thing you can do for yourself and by proxy those you care for. It will only get better as long as you stick to it.
I feel twinges of resent when my wife questions me about meeting topics and such.
I view that stuff in her life as simply none of my business, even if she is talking about it.
While I make a big point to stay out of her business I do make sure to encourage and understand. Last night was her 30th day so I took her out to dinner to celebrate. I also occasionally ask sincere questions about her feelings. For example, I was curious how it felt when she came home from treatment.
I've found that for both of us we are really good at wanting something but not asking for it. I cannot expect her to read my mind or to really to even notice I'm hurting unless I say it kindly and ask plainly for what I need. I'll tell you now it doesn't always work immediately but it seems to work over time. I also make a point to not repeat myself so that I'm not pressing or controlling.
Keep up the good work. It's the best thing you can do for yourself and by proxy those you care for. It will only get better as long as you stick to it.
Programmaddict
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: God's Hands
Posts: 217
Originally Posted by lpnangel
I have let him share his feelings plenty. He has no problem telling me what his needs are.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 647
Originally Posted by Programmatic
I get the feeling you misunderstand my direction of thinking. I hate using the word "you" but I am basically asking whether or not YOU have made it clear to him what YOUR needs are? If you haven't then it it seems rather unfair to hold it against him for him not having tried to accommodate them. I personally, find it very hard to vocalize my needs in a kind and clear manner.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by Programmatic
I feel twinges of resent when my wife questions me about meeting topics and such.
I view that stuff in her life as simply none of my business, even if she is talking about it.
I view that stuff in her life as simply none of my business, even if she is talking about it.
Have you ever thought that maybe she is trying to make conversation or have some common ground with you?
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
