oln

Does anyone know if a marriage between two alcoholics is more or less lightly to work than a marriage where there is only one problem drinker? My ex has started a new relationship and i think this time it may well be with someone who also drinks alot and although im hoping it will workout well so that maybe he will move on with his abuse, im just wondering what to expect. Many thanks

skippernlilg

I don't know.

Is his relationship with someone else somehow affecting you?

I'm not understanding this question...?

Alone22

My AF married someone who in my personal opinion is also an A. While I have no clue what goes on around their house most of the time I highly doubt she has the same issues as my mom did when it comes to his drinking. From what I can tell they drink and get drunk together and keep living in their little world. I have a feeling that when the kids (not me) were at home there were multiple arguments and I am sure their illness did not help to get things resolved, but now that the kids are all grown up they seem pretty content being two happy/ unhappy drunks together.

duqld1717

It might work for awhile because they both drink and have that in common. But the key word is "awhile". You can't make a relationship work solely based on alcohol. Its too destructive. They will probably fight but instead of the fights being over alcohol, they will be about other issues that can erode a relationship. Alcoholics can't have healthy relationships. A former friend of mine and her boyfriend are both heavy drinkers and they go out drinking together about 4 nights a week. They drive to the bar together, get sloppy drunk and laugh the night away, but every time they never leave together. They wind up having a blow out fight and she goes off with another guy and he goes off with another girl. Sounds healthy huh? Did I mention he beats her as well. Probably why she is a "former" friend of mine. Anyway, two drunks does not equal happiness.

kittykitty

You're hoping he will move on and abuse somebody else? Like you're hoping someone else will be abused?

He's your ex, so you don't have to expect anything. What happens in his personal life is no longer your problem, nor your business. If he is still abusing you, cut contact or call the police.

oln

Many thanks everyone and Kitty no i would never wish anyone in the whole world to get abused, maybe that was partly why i asked but i do wish him to move on successfully, i have two young daughters who are suffering as well because of his alcoholic tantrums. It maybe selfish but i want them safe more than anything else in this world. If all it took was just a quick phonecall to the police to sort it all out life would be great and most of us would have few problems.

kittykitty

I've read all of your threads, so I am as up to speed as anyone on here can be with what you have shared so far. I am sorry for the way things have gone so far, but keep your chin up. Things can and will get better.

I have no idea what the laws are in the UK. That being said, if this man has a proven track record in any way shape or form that points to him drinking and driving, being drunk in public, even if you could get witnesses to the extent of his drinking, I would like to think that not many judges would allow him to pick the kids up for the weekend and take them 250 miles away from their mother.

If he is harrassing you, threatening you, posting slanderous things on the internet, it is as easy as calling the police. Save emails and text messages, write down things he says to you during phone conversations. The more of that stuff you can get on record, the easier it is to prove how unfit he is to be around your children. Unless/until he gets unsupervised visits, you are in control of how much your kids will be exposed to. You are also the role model now, the one who needs to set a good example for the kids. Draw boundaries, about what behavior is acceptable and unacceptable around the kids. If he crosses the line, take the kids to another room, or outside, or ask him to leave. If he gets violent, do what you need to do to be safe. Try not to engage with him, when he wants to argue. Save your energy for something else.

I know you can do it, I can tell you want to be rid of this man and his problems. Do whatever you have to in order to achieve that goal. Even if that means giving up child support money, whatever. There are always options. Some might not look too good, but they are there none the less.

Hoping that something new and shiny will come along and take his attention away is not a good plan, it rarely works that way. Even if it does for a while, there's always a chance he'll come back, unless you do everything in your power (legally) to make sure he can't.

Be strong, and keep coming here for support. You can do this.

oln

Thankyou that helps to give me hope!