A question...
Such a mess...Coalese
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 14
A question... So, I'm back.... 
I am a 21 year old Vicodin addict, I have been addicted since I was 14. I've tried to quit more times than I can count, my longest stretch of clean time was 4 months. I take as many as I can get each day... I know that I need to quit. I know its destroying my life and my relationships, but for some reason I have no motivation to try anymore. I literally cant see myself ever being clean. I'm just waiting to see how far I can fall at this point.
So the question is: Has anyone else ever felt like this? Have you quit? What methods did you use?
I am a 21 year old Vicodin addict, I have been addicted since I was 14. I've tried to quit more times than I can count, my longest stretch of clean time was 4 months. I take as many as I can get each day... I know that I need to quit. I know its destroying my life and my relationships, but for some reason I have no motivation to try anymore. I literally cant see myself ever being clean. I'm just waiting to see how far I can fall at this point.
So the question is: Has anyone else ever felt like this? Have you quit? What methods did you use?
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,947
When I first entered recovery I had no expectations of getting clean. I went to just see what a recovery program was like. As time went on, I started to feel hopeful about my situation. I liked what I was being taught about addiction. But most of all I liked being hopeful and positive about my outlook and prospects of a better way of life. With recovery things has been looking up for some time now as it dose get better.
Such a mess...Coalese
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 14
Thank you both for your replies!
I do want to get clean... Im tired of the panic I feel the moment I realize I have no way to get high. I called myself a Vicodin addict, but I realize that I have problems with pretty much any mood altering substance. I'm sick of looking at myself in the mirror and thinking about who I was before the drugs... The potential that I used to have that I will never get back as long as I'm using. I hate worrying my family and my amazing boyfriend with my declining health...
I'm tired of living this way. I know that I'm losing touch with reality... I'm pretty sure that I am bipolar, I have severe social anxiety... I suspect that I'm having delusions. In the span of a year and a half, (since my last relapse) I have become a completely different person... Withdrawn, mean, cold... I have no friends at all. My only social interaction is when I'm at work (Im a waitress at a diner.) and even then its all an act.
My life is falling apart due to my addiction, but I have no motivation to get better... And that scares me. All of the things that its doing to me, and I can't make myself do something about it... Its just a very confusing / painful situation for all involved. I'd like to go to a rehab, but I can't afford it and my health insurance does not cover mental health / substance abuse... I work all the time, nearly every day, so I don't have the time for groups, never mind that im terrified of people.
How can I motivate myself to do this? Or scare myself enough to finally decide its time?
I do want to get clean... Im tired of the panic I feel the moment I realize I have no way to get high. I called myself a Vicodin addict, but I realize that I have problems with pretty much any mood altering substance. I'm sick of looking at myself in the mirror and thinking about who I was before the drugs... The potential that I used to have that I will never get back as long as I'm using. I hate worrying my family and my amazing boyfriend with my declining health...
I'm tired of living this way. I know that I'm losing touch with reality... I'm pretty sure that I am bipolar, I have severe social anxiety... I suspect that I'm having delusions. In the span of a year and a half, (since my last relapse) I have become a completely different person... Withdrawn, mean, cold... I have no friends at all. My only social interaction is when I'm at work (Im a waitress at a diner.) and even then its all an act.
My life is falling apart due to my addiction, but I have no motivation to get better... And that scares me. All of the things that its doing to me, and I can't make myself do something about it... Its just a very confusing / painful situation for all involved. I'd like to go to a rehab, but I can't afford it and my health insurance does not cover mental health / substance abuse... I work all the time, nearly every day, so I don't have the time for groups, never mind that im terrified of people.
How can I motivate myself to do this? Or scare myself enough to finally decide its time?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,499
Hi and Welcome,
I'm glad you found us.
I would say a couple of things about your post. You need to make recovery a priority. You need to find time for it and work at it consistently, whether you go to meetings or not, you have to find time for it.
And, you are going to need motivation. It's very hard to deal with addiction and you will need to really want to get better.
I'm glad you found us.
I would say a couple of things about your post. You need to make recovery a priority. You need to find time for it and work at it consistently, whether you go to meetings or not, you have to find time for it.
And, you are going to need motivation. It's very hard to deal with addiction and you will need to really want to get better.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by KailaeBlaze 
I work all the time, nearly every day, so I don't have the time for groups, never mind that im terrified of people.
Good luck.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
I think its scary for everyone to quit and to realise there's no more getting high Kailae.
I really wanted to leave my old life behind tho, and support really helped me ride out the panicky moments.
I agree with Ann- your recovery needs to be your priority - you need to commit to it with everything you have- be prepared to do whatever it takes.
It's hard work and it's not easy - but getting clean and sober was the best thing I ever did for myself.
I lacked motivation too - drink and drugs do that - but things just got worse and worse...I ended up having no choice really...I couldn't live my old life one more minute.
Decide that recovery is what you want and then throw everything you have at it - find support - AA/NA, SR, doctor, inpatient or outpatient rehab, counselling.
You can do this Kailae - we all did
D
I really wanted to leave my old life behind tho, and support really helped me ride out the panicky moments.
I agree with Ann- your recovery needs to be your priority - you need to commit to it with everything you have- be prepared to do whatever it takes.
It's hard work and it's not easy - but getting clean and sober was the best thing I ever did for myself.
I lacked motivation too - drink and drugs do that - but things just got worse and worse...I ended up having no choice really...I couldn't live my old life one more minute.
Decide that recovery is what you want and then throw everything you have at it - find support - AA/NA, SR, doctor, inpatient or outpatient rehab, counselling.
You can do this Kailae - we all did
D
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
