vujade

And there is no one to call. He tricked me. He called me from his parent's house. They didn't let him in but they let him use the phone.

I answered the phone and it was him. Slurring but calm. His parents took his keys and locked his van. He told me that he's in too much pain, that there is no way he will ever have the strength to be sober and that he's just tired. He told me that I'm the most amazing thing that has happened to him, that I'm strong and beautiful and that he'll catch me on the flip side.

I asked "You would rather be dead than be sober?"

He said "You've always known just how to say it. You're seriously cool Stace."

He said "Take care of your boys like I know you can. I love you, baby."

I said "I love you, baby."

Then he said goodbye.

I know that many of you will think this is a quack, but it's not. He's so frustrated with his life, with his mind, with alcoholism. He hates that his addiction is so strong. Many of us around him have felt that it is a matter of time before he purposefully drinks himself to death.

I'm just going to sit and cry tonight. I cannot save him. I must save me.

Tuffgirl

I'm sorry. Yes, take care of you. What he does is out of your control.

Sucks. I hate alcoholism.

Big hugs to you, SKW.

Alone22

"I cannot save him. I must save me."

This speaks to the heart of it all, doesn't it. Alcoholism is a sick sick disease and it takes and destroys lives. All you can do is save yourself and pray that his HP can save him. I may some day be in your shoes and it must be hard, so very hard. I personally think it is 100% okay to cry and understand the grief involved. It is a huge loss in your life. It is like a cancer slowly taking a loved one and there is nothing we can do or say. It just plain hurts. ((((hugs to you)))

MayaandMe

So sorry for your pain tonight.
I do think that many alcoholics drink due to real psychological pain. As much as I wanted to fix my exabf, to take away that pain, to show him the other options, to love him into being better...I too had to leave.
I know how you feel.
Take care.

Freedom1990

Pain was my friend because that is what finally brought me to my knees and into recovery.

Some people refuse to do the work necessary despite the pain.

Take good care of yourself, okay?

LexieCat

Aw, damn.

Remember, he's got his own Higher Power, and it's not you. Give him over to his Higher Power. It's not in your hands to save him. If you could, you would. We all would.

You never know what will happen, so don't assume the worst. Let go, let God. Sorry to speak in cliches, but some things become cliches because they are true.

Many hugs, we are here for you.

kittykitty

Ditto on the pain thing.

Cry cry cry as much as you possibly can. Cry until your eyes are dry. It's so important to the grieving process, to get it all out. You won't be able to do it in one night, but don't hold back.

Robert Burney~
"Grieving is a natural part of the human healing process... I urged people to wail and scream and sob, to release the energy that was being generated by this traumatic event. Trauma is a shock to the system. Any type of trauma suffered by a human being - trauma to our physical bodies, witnessing a traumatic event, experiencing a loss (death of a loved one, house burning down, end of a relationship, etc.), etc. - causes emotional energy to be generated in reaction to that trauma. Denying and suppressing that energy does not make it go away...

Please feel your feelings. Let those sobs out. We are supposed to feel. It is healthy to grieve...Sobs are little balls of emotional energy being released...Keep taking deep breaths. Get into a rhythm. Inhale, sob sob sob cry cry cry as you exhale, inhale, sob sob sob cry cry cry - that is good. That is healthy. Do not shame yourself for feeling. Do not apologize for your feelings. It means your human. It means you care. Sobs, tears, snot from the nose are all ways of releasing energy and cleansing chemicals out of our body. Grief is not a pretty sight - but it is a beautifully healing and a Loving thing to do for yourself. That emotional energy does not go away just because we stop breathing and choke it back down. It does not disappear. The more you can release, the faster you can move through it."

chicory

(((SKW)))
You are not alone. Many out here who understand your pain.

Has he done this before?

I surely have known many alcoholics who love to be dramatic when they are drinking. They don't care if they break your heart, destroy your peace, and make you have a heart attack due to extreme stress and worry about them.The alcohol seems to make them oblivious to the feelings of others.

I think that the A's I have been related/involved with were the most selfish beings I know. Even when sober they were self absorbed.

I am so sorry that you are sad tonight. Can you find a way to let go of it? The serenity prayer might help. It helps me sometimes when i feel hopeless. I need it right now myself. Just maybe praying that prayer and a prayer for him, and then turn it over to hp , since we can't do a thing to change them.

hugs
chicory

barb dwyer

thoughts and prayers.

GettingBy

Thoughts are with you SKW....

I second what Lexiecat said.

vujade

Thanks friends. Thank you so much. From many words to just a few, they all mean so much and help me stay grounded and certain.

In the time I have known him, he hasn't been this dramatic. However, I have also never been so adamant in protecting my boundaries so I don't know that it isn't in direct relation. Good point.

His parents called me from their cell phone. Apparently someone saw him creeping down the road, slumped over his steering wheel...vehicle moving at a snail's pace on a dirt road. They knew him from working with him years ago. The wife is a recovering alcoholic. They got the vehicle under control and he gave them his parent's house as his home. He's there. I'm here. That's good.

And Lexie - I live by those cliches sometimes. I know some people dismiss them but I find them to be a quick and easy way to remind myself of how to get back on track mentally. One of my favorites is "I cannot control your behaviors. I can only control my reaction to your behaviors." I've been saying that to my self a lot tonight.

Thanks again, friends. Thanks.

Babyblue

It isn't really clear sometimes if a person is serious or just crying out.

But the helplessness we feel is real. You have my thoughts.

Hang in there and if there is anyone around you who can give you support, this may be the time to reach out to them.

vujade

I agree but this guy had me snowed. He told me he was in recovery and was just a doll. When he is sober he is kind, friendly, giving, witty, charming, humble, loving, playful. He is seriously and completely day and night when sober vs. drunk. But I have repeated what Cyranoak said several times this week: "Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde are not sold separately." If the good doctor chooses to drink the poison, you've gotta get rid of both...sadly.

LaPinturaBella

I'm including you both in my prayers tonight. I am so sorry you have this worry. Have a damn good cry, let it all out. All I can say is, it just rally s*cks!!! Again, I'm sorry.

tjp613

((((((SKW))))))) Just breaks my heart to hear it. Give it to HP and know that all is well. I'm sorry you're hurting. We're walking with you.