Enough is enough
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: London, UK
Posts: 2
Enough is enough
Hi All,
Not sure why I feel the need to post on this forum but I just really want to get something off my chest I suppose.
I've realised this weekend that I have a serious problem. I've been trying to tell myself that my drinking is normal for about 3 years but the truth is it's not. I'm 29, have been drinking since 15 and have always been a big drinker but the past few years it's spiralled out of control.
I'm the classic binger, I don't ever feel the need for a drink during the week, or even at the weekend, but when I do go out with friends, as soon as I have one, it turns into dozens. I drink and drink until I am obliterated. I black out and come to my senses miles from home, I check my bank statements and I've withdrawn hundreds at random times in the morning. Last weekend I went out for my stag party and got so drunk that I was thrown out of the club for falling over. I lost my camera. So I thought that would teach me for a few weeks at least.
But then on Friday I went to a bar unplanned and I don't know what happened or how but I started drinking and next thing I woke up and I'd lost my phone, spent hundreds, my clothes were covered in mud and I had bought drugs which I hardly ever do. I have zero recollection of anything. Who knows what could have done or said to anyone.
That's when I decided enough was enough. I need to conquer this. I have a great job and a fantastic girlfriend, everything which is wrong in my life is related to alcohol and it's time to cut this cancer out of my life. I know it won't be easy but I feel a little better already just knowing that I have recognised this.
Thanks for listening, I just needed to announce this to make it more official in my mind.
Not sure why I feel the need to post on this forum but I just really want to get something off my chest I suppose.
I've realised this weekend that I have a serious problem. I've been trying to tell myself that my drinking is normal for about 3 years but the truth is it's not. I'm 29, have been drinking since 15 and have always been a big drinker but the past few years it's spiralled out of control.
I'm the classic binger, I don't ever feel the need for a drink during the week, or even at the weekend, but when I do go out with friends, as soon as I have one, it turns into dozens. I drink and drink until I am obliterated. I black out and come to my senses miles from home, I check my bank statements and I've withdrawn hundreds at random times in the morning. Last weekend I went out for my stag party and got so drunk that I was thrown out of the club for falling over. I lost my camera. So I thought that would teach me for a few weeks at least.
But then on Friday I went to a bar unplanned and I don't know what happened or how but I started drinking and next thing I woke up and I'd lost my phone, spent hundreds, my clothes were covered in mud and I had bought drugs which I hardly ever do. I have zero recollection of anything. Who knows what could have done or said to anyone.
That's when I decided enough was enough. I need to conquer this. I have a great job and a fantastic girlfriend, everything which is wrong in my life is related to alcohol and it's time to cut this cancer out of my life. I know it won't be easy but I feel a little better already just knowing that I have recognised this.
Thanks for listening, I just needed to announce this to make it more official in my mind.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Sounds like a wise decision sober101 - welcome! 
A lot of us - including me - have had those moments - brushed them off, and kept drinking...
good to have you with us - you'll find a lot of support advice and ideas here
D
A lot of us - including me - have had those moments - brushed them off, and kept drinking...
good to have you with us - you'll find a lot of support advice and ideas here
D
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome sober101! You're not alone - we know what it's like to wake up in the morning and wonder "why did I do this to myself, AGAIN?" I wasn't a black-out drinker, but almost always drank more than I intended to and suffered through tremendous hangovers (during which I would swear off drinking, only to turn around and do the same thing again, over and over and over.......)
It takes courage to reach out for help and support, so give yourself a pat on the back. Keep reading and posting - we know what you're going through.:ghug3
It takes courage to reach out for help and support, so give yourself a pat on the back. Keep reading and posting - we know what you're going through.:ghug3
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Welcome Sober101-
You post reminded me of why I quit drinking. Especially towards the end, but sprinkled all throughout my drinking days, were moments like you describe.
Horrible embaressing moments that I would awake too and then be filled with shame, pain, and remorse.
I got into AA and the obsession to drink was removed by working the program.
I'm now 18 months removed from my last drink and I haven't blacked out once in that time
...but I'm not special. It can work for you too.
GREAT job coming on here and posting.
Kjell~
You post reminded me of why I quit drinking. Especially towards the end, but sprinkled all throughout my drinking days, were moments like you describe.
Horrible embaressing moments that I would awake too and then be filled with shame, pain, and remorse.
I got into AA and the obsession to drink was removed by working the program.
I'm now 18 months removed from my last drink and I haven't blacked out once in that time
...but I'm not special. It can work for you too.
GREAT job coming on here and posting.
Kjell~
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I too was a blackout drinker.....it was so scarey and got me into all sorts of dangerous situations.
As soon as I quit...so did the blackouts....
..When I drank again...Zap! there they were.
Please read this link...blackouts are explained...and it certainly applied to me.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Welcome to our recovery community...
As soon as I quit...so did the blackouts....
..When I drank again...Zap! there they were.Please read this link...blackouts are explained...and it certainly applied to me.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Welcome to our recovery community...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 624
Your post totally reminds me of why I never want to go back. The unpredictability of my life, the confusion, the shame and guilt. All because I couldn't say no to some stupid liquid in a bottle...
Congrats on recognizing you want and need to do something now.
Congrats on recognizing you want and need to do something now.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Hi, I can so relate, and believe me it will feel really good to wake up from now on NOT having those feelings of confusion, shame, guilt, fear, etc.
Yesterday I was just listing some reasons in my head I need to not drink... times when I've woken up really regretful of what I've done and thinking "never again." This is horrible but I ruined my sister-in-law's bachelorette party (is that similar to a "stag party"?) I can't say we've always gotten along and my excuse was that she and her friends were making snide remarks and whispering about and generally being snooty to my sister and me, and we clearly didn't belong with her hoity toity little friends (I used to pride myself on being the rebel party fun girl and she and her friends were definitely more calm domestic types that I used to think of as "homebodies"). Anyway we were at a baseball game and my sister and I went to the bar and started taking shots that my sister got guys to buy us for free and before long I was oblierated like you said, and not knowing what I was doing. I kept trying to go into the bathroom but walking into walls thinking they were the bathroom doors. When I was in the bathroom my sister-in-law came in and started talking to my sister about me and I came out of the stall and said "sorry I had to have a few beers at your boring-a&% bachelorette party." :-O :-O :-O Obviously I never would have done that while sober.
Then the other girls were going back to the hotel room to play board games and I was bawling my head off about how she hated me and I hated her, so my sister and I hailed a cab and went to the closest bar and ran into some guys who were having a bachelor party... they offered to buy us drinks all night if we hung out with them... we were already hammered but said sure... we went with them to a strip club, and this one guy kept trying to kiss me but I was in a relationship at the time and my sister started making out with him instead. We ended up running away from the strip club and being totally lost trying to find our way back to the hotel and had to rely on strangers in the middle of the night in Baltimore to tell us the way. :-O In the morning I woke up feeling like crap, I didn't have my expensive phone and was sure I'd lost it and I told my sister that I was never going to drink again. It turned out that the guy she was making out with had the phone, which I had left in the club I guess, and was holding it for ransom so that we would meet up with him and get it. As soon as I found out my phone was safe I was like, "ha ha just kidding about never drinking again." Even though my sister-in-law was obviously upset and we had ditched her party etc. My sister-in-law ended up forgiving us which was cool but when I look back on that (it was about two years ago) and especially how I felt that morning after, I am so glad I'm not drinking!
I didn't mean to ramble but I just wanted to say I can relate and those remorseful mornings after are definitely a reason to stop drinking. Good luck and be strong, you can do it.
Yesterday I was just listing some reasons in my head I need to not drink... times when I've woken up really regretful of what I've done and thinking "never again." This is horrible but I ruined my sister-in-law's bachelorette party (is that similar to a "stag party"?) I can't say we've always gotten along and my excuse was that she and her friends were making snide remarks and whispering about and generally being snooty to my sister and me, and we clearly didn't belong with her hoity toity little friends (I used to pride myself on being the rebel party fun girl and she and her friends were definitely more calm domestic types that I used to think of as "homebodies"). Anyway we were at a baseball game and my sister and I went to the bar and started taking shots that my sister got guys to buy us for free and before long I was oblierated like you said, and not knowing what I was doing. I kept trying to go into the bathroom but walking into walls thinking they were the bathroom doors. When I was in the bathroom my sister-in-law came in and started talking to my sister about me and I came out of the stall and said "sorry I had to have a few beers at your boring-a&% bachelorette party." :-O :-O :-O Obviously I never would have done that while sober.
Then the other girls were going back to the hotel room to play board games and I was bawling my head off about how she hated me and I hated her, so my sister and I hailed a cab and went to the closest bar and ran into some guys who were having a bachelor party... they offered to buy us drinks all night if we hung out with them... we were already hammered but said sure... we went with them to a strip club, and this one guy kept trying to kiss me but I was in a relationship at the time and my sister started making out with him instead. We ended up running away from the strip club and being totally lost trying to find our way back to the hotel and had to rely on strangers in the middle of the night in Baltimore to tell us the way. :-O In the morning I woke up feeling like crap, I didn't have my expensive phone and was sure I'd lost it and I told my sister that I was never going to drink again. It turned out that the guy she was making out with had the phone, which I had left in the club I guess, and was holding it for ransom so that we would meet up with him and get it. As soon as I found out my phone was safe I was like, "ha ha just kidding about never drinking again." Even though my sister-in-law was obviously upset and we had ditched her party etc. My sister-in-law ended up forgiving us which was cool but when I look back on that (it was about two years ago) and especially how I felt that morning after, I am so glad I'm not drinking!
I didn't mean to ramble but I just wanted to say I can relate and those remorseful mornings after are definitely a reason to stop drinking. Good luck and be strong, you can do it.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,935
Oh I can so relate. Addiction caused me to do stuff that I never could understand why what happened. Getting sober/clean put an end to all that craziness.
I use a treatment plan and SR is a part of it. With a clear and sober mind I never have to lost in the confusion active addiction is.
I'm glad your here Sober101 with us at SR and may you recovery be a beautiful event as it has been with me.
I use a treatment plan and SR is a part of it. With a clear and sober mind I never have to lost in the confusion active addiction is.
I'm glad your here Sober101 with us at SR and may you recovery be a beautiful event as it has been with me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 22
Welcome.
Alcoholics have the tendency to brush off all of the negativity, shame, and remorse that comes after drinking too much.
It is so great of you to realize that this is not okay and to want to change your life. =)
Alcoholics have the tendency to brush off all of the negativity, shame, and remorse that comes after drinking too much.
It is so great of you to realize that this is not okay and to want to change your life. =)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: London, UK
Posts: 2
Thanks for the supportive comments here everyone. It makes me feel a little better to know that I'm not alone in this, other people have been where I am and sorted it out. I feel so positive when I imagine never having these terrible morning after feelings again, but I know it won't be easy. I went to a party on Saturday (after the really bad Friday incident) and didn't drink at all, it was tough because everyone else was hard to talk to normally once they'd had a few drinks. But it's easier not to drink when you're hung over, the test will be when I'm feeling ok.
My best friend has a similar problem to me and he was sipping a beer one minute and then half hour later, smashed on sambuca and all over the place, it was horrible - like looking in a grotesque mirror. Spoke to him today and told him that my problems have escalated, about my decision and about this site, but it has to be his decision if he also wants to change of course.
Got to conquer this and not embarrass myself through alcohol again and hurt those I care about.
Thanks again everyone
My best friend has a similar problem to me and he was sipping a beer one minute and then half hour later, smashed on sambuca and all over the place, it was horrible - like looking in a grotesque mirror. Spoke to him today and told him that my problems have escalated, about my decision and about this site, but it has to be his decision if he also wants to change of course.
Got to conquer this and not embarrass myself through alcohol again and hurt those I care about.
Thanks again everyone
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