Heavy heart
get it, give it, grow in it
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Heavy heart 
One year ago today my only son died on his 26th birthday. He flew home and died 5 hours later from OD after 2 years sober.
Today I celebrate what would be his 27th birthday and mourn that it is the one year angelversary.
It is painful to be truly powerless. I still can not accept what I can not change.
For me, please reach out to your loved one who suffers from addiction today with only compassion and love.
I don't visit here much these days as it is difficult to share sorrow.
It would be great to see updates from those that remember me.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
(((((((SS))))))) you and your son, all who have lost loved ones, reminded me how important it is to detach with love. My RAD is doing well, but sometimes I'm sure I'm watching her die before my very eyes because of Hep C. There are days when it takes her down so hard that I'm not sure how she continues on. There may come a time when she says to hell with it, and decides to end it all. But just for today, she is here and we share love. It is truly a gift and not one to be taken for granted.
God bless you and I'm praying for your serenity.
God bless you and I'm praying for your serenity.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
I am thinking about you today. I knew that today was a joyous anniversary and a very painful one.......I wasn't sure if you wanted to hear from me. I said a prayer this morning for you. I believe that T is smiling down on you today whispering.....I'm ok Mom.
I think of you often and wonder how you are doing. I am here if you ever need someone to talk to.....you know how to reach me.
My dear son is still spiraling in his disease. Your voice often calms me when I speak to him. It is because of you that I am able to speak to him with compassion and love...you taught me that.
with much love and gentle hugs
ke
I think of you often and wonder how you are doing. I am here if you ever need someone to talk to.....you know how to reach me.
My dear son is still spiraling in his disease. Your voice often calms me when I speak to him. It is because of you that I am able to speak to him with compassion and love...you taught me that.
with much love and gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Spiritual Seeker, I am once again heartbroken for your loss.
June 11th was a pivotal day in my life, and is forever linked to the loss of your beloved son in my mind and heart.
Please know I think of you often.
June 11th was a pivotal day in my life, and is forever linked to the loss of your beloved son in my mind and heart.
Please know I think of you often.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 138
Spiritual Seeker;
Im sorry for your loss and sorrow! Thanks for reminding us to find forgivness and compassion for the addicts that we love. Your story and your wisdom found through suffering serves to enlighten others. Thank you!!!
Im sorry for your loss and sorrow! Thanks for reminding us to find forgivness and compassion for the addicts that we love. Your story and your wisdom found through suffering serves to enlighten others. Thank you!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
SS, thank you for sharing this.
I got a wonderful chance to just be there for my AFather last week when he came to visit. Even as his health deteriorates, I can still love him and enjoy him while maintaining my boundaries. Reading your posts during the last 3 years has helped that.
I got a wonderful chance to just be there for my AFather last week when he came to visit. Even as his health deteriorates, I can still love him and enjoy him while maintaining my boundaries. Reading your posts during the last 3 years has helped that.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Spiritual Seeker,
It just seems like yesterday when I read your post from the time of your son's passing. I was so stricken then and so sad. And angry at addiction. I can't imagine the feelings that you have gone through and are going through. I'm glad that you came here to be with us today though. You are held with a lot of lot and prayers.
I think that your message of reaching out to our loved ones with addiction with compassion and love is so on the money. We can still detach but when it is with love and compassion we can know that are motives are clear. It takes a lot of work on the Anon side to do that but it is worth it - and your words really bring that to light.
I recently moved out from my home and my relationship with my husband. I struggled so with his issues in sobriety but not recovery. I wanted a life where I wasn't constantly dodging irritability, criticism, obsession, anger, etc. He was unwilling to work a recovery program and just has never adapted to life on life's terms. It's so sad. I hope that he will remain sober but I also need to value my own life and sanity. I struggled with all of this a lot. I'm adjusting - but it is a lot of chance and it is also with a lot of sorrow. I'm leaning pretty hard into my own recovery and that is probably what is helping me to keep it in the road...even a little.
I am sending up prayers for you and your son and will continue to do so.....I'm really glad that you checked in today.
Love and light going out to you - Donna
It just seems like yesterday when I read your post from the time of your son's passing. I was so stricken then and so sad. And angry at addiction. I can't imagine the feelings that you have gone through and are going through. I'm glad that you came here to be with us today though. You are held with a lot of lot and prayers.
I think that your message of reaching out to our loved ones with addiction with compassion and love is so on the money. We can still detach but when it is with love and compassion we can know that are motives are clear. It takes a lot of work on the Anon side to do that but it is worth it - and your words really bring that to light.
I recently moved out from my home and my relationship with my husband. I struggled so with his issues in sobriety but not recovery. I wanted a life where I wasn't constantly dodging irritability, criticism, obsession, anger, etc. He was unwilling to work a recovery program and just has never adapted to life on life's terms. It's so sad. I hope that he will remain sober but I also need to value my own life and sanity. I struggled with all of this a lot. I'm adjusting - but it is a lot of chance and it is also with a lot of sorrow. I'm leaning pretty hard into my own recovery and that is probably what is helping me to keep it in the road...even a little.
I am sending up prayers for you and your son and will continue to do so.....I'm really glad that you checked in today.
Love and light going out to you - Donna
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
(((SS))),
I am so sorry SS. Your Travis was a blessing in your life, and again, I say how wonderful that he had those two years clean. I am sorry that you must be without him physically present in your life. I believe that he is with you always.
You have taught me to put anger at my s aside, overall, and that it is ok to let myself feel the compassion that I want to give him. That was an eyeopener for me. I believe that some healing has occured, due to working hard on loving more . Love does not mean to enable, but that it is ok to show the love I feel for him, tho he has his addiction and his struggles that hurt him and those who love him. I believe that it helps him to know that he is loved, no matter what.
I know that your Travis knew that your love for him was boundless. The love and goodness that is Travis shines, and I hope that it shines through your pain today.
sending love,
chicory
I am so sorry SS. Your Travis was a blessing in your life, and again, I say how wonderful that he had those two years clean. I am sorry that you must be without him physically present in your life. I believe that he is with you always.
You have taught me to put anger at my s aside, overall, and that it is ok to let myself feel the compassion that I want to give him. That was an eyeopener for me. I believe that some healing has occured, due to working hard on loving more . Love does not mean to enable, but that it is ok to show the love I feel for him, tho he has his addiction and his struggles that hurt him and those who love him. I believe that it helps him to know that he is loved, no matter what.
I know that your Travis knew that your love for him was boundless. The love and goodness that is Travis shines, and I hope that it shines through your pain today.
sending love,
chicory
The sun still shines
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
Big hugs to you SS. I hope that in time the light will return to your life. Your son's life and death touched many of us.
It is partly because of what happened to your son that I changed my prayers to God to heal my relationship with my son, rather than just for his recovery. He answered my prayers almost immediately. We went from no contact to loving contact, without any enabling on my part.
My thoughts remain with you.
It is partly because of what happened to your son that I changed my prayers to God to heal my relationship with my son, rather than just for his recovery. He answered my prayers almost immediately. We went from no contact to loving contact, without any enabling on my part.
My thoughts remain with you.
Still Standing
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Here @ SR.
Posts: 3,296
Spiritual Seeker,
I am so extremely sorry to hear that you lost your Son to the horrible demon called drugs. I wasn't around when this happened. I can't possibly imagine what you're going through. I've come to the edge of losing my son several times, but never crossed that line, as yet. I am so desperately sorry that you had to go through this. My heart truly goes out to you from another Mom of an addict son. I am sending you ((((((((Caring, Compassionate Hugs)))))))))) from deep inside my heart. I hope that you WILL keep coming here to share with us. You belong here with us. We are all walking this rough road together.
I am so extremely sorry to hear that you lost your Son to the horrible demon called drugs. I wasn't around when this happened. I can't possibly imagine what you're going through. I've come to the edge of losing my son several times, but never crossed that line, as yet. I am so desperately sorry that you had to go through this. My heart truly goes out to you from another Mom of an addict son. I am sending you ((((((((Caring, Compassionate Hugs)))))))))) from deep inside my heart. I hope that you WILL keep coming here to share with us. You belong here with us. We are all walking this rough road together.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 81
(((SS)))
I was glad to see your post, I think of you often. My son is doing just okay. He appears to be off hard drugs, but still drinks whiskey/smokes pot. I am learning to live my life in spite of this though, thanks to all I have learned here. How wonderfully kind of you to want to updates on us, shows what a caring person you are. You are always in my prayers.
I was glad to see your post, I think of you often. My son is doing just okay. He appears to be off hard drugs, but still drinks whiskey/smokes pot. I am learning to live my life in spite of this though, thanks to all I have learned here. How wonderfully kind of you to want to updates on us, shows what a caring person you are. You are always in my prayers.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Sending good thoughts and love. I hope you can hold the moments you had with T close in your heart and find some comfort. I know getting through all those horrible "firsts" is so painful. You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Home
Posts: 178
Hello Trisha,
I never come here anymore but I've been thinking about you...it's such a horrific journey isn't it? Sometimes we have to take it second by second, minute by minute. My son's angel day is coming up very soon. i speak to him often, it's the love that we had for them that keeps us going sometimes. I'm so sorry...it's so tough.
hugs, Stefanie
I never come here anymore but I've been thinking about you...it's such a horrific journey isn't it? Sometimes we have to take it second by second, minute by minute. My son's angel day is coming up very soon. i speak to him often, it's the love that we had for them that keeps us going sometimes. I'm so sorry...it's so tough.
hugs, Stefanie
The sun still shines
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
SS, I have been thinking about you a lot. I cannot begin to imagine how hard it must be to loose a child, let alone on their birthday.
To you an all other parents who lost children to this dreadful disease, may you find comfort in the arms of a Higher Power and peace eventually come to settle in your hearts.
To you an all other parents who lost children to this dreadful disease, may you find comfort in the arms of a Higher Power and peace eventually come to settle in your hearts.
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