m1k3

I had a codie relapse last night. It wasn't with my AW, sneaky codie, it was right here in SR.

I got way too emotionally attached to one post in particular and saw myself about 15 years ago saying the exact same things. Codie whispered in my ear that I could help them.

No can do. They have to walk their own path just as each of us do.

I went back and reread my posts and they were fine. I simply offered my experience and wished them luck in their journey.

But inside I know codie was involved in those posts.

One more step in the recovery journey.

HeyImme

Man, I know just what you mean...I am getting good at identifying my Codie behaviors, but long for the day that they are something of the past, rather than something I identify in the aftermath! But once again, it takes what it takes. You are doing so well in such a short period of time...your posts are very encouraging to me...

outonalimb

Thanks for this post Mike.

I know exactly what you are saying.

Its hard when you see yourself (usually an earlier version of yourself) in a post...

I think when I reply I'm actually saying what i wish someone had said to me. Problem is, I probably wouldn't have listened.

So long as we can offer insight and encouragment and not become vested in whether they "see" what we are saying, I think we're okay.

There's a fine line between trying to help and trying to control...especially for us codies!!

kittykitty

I've always been happy to share my experience with others, because that was what people did when I came here for the first time. Some people's situations trigger me, and I try to keep it short or not respond at all, sometimes that doesn't go so well. I'm not perfect, but I would like to offer some sort of assistance, because that is what people come here for.

If all the responses when I came on here originally were general "it's your path, you have to make you own decisions", I wouldn't have stuck around. I needed that nudge to look at the bigger picture, to realize what I was doing that wasn't working, and the inspiration to try something different. And to realize how miserable I was. It's amazing how that simple question, "are you happy to live like this for the rest of your life?" can affect someone that has convinced them selves that things aren't that bad.

barb dwyer

Good for you finding it and doing something about it.

That's how we learn.

Sylvie66

Thanks for posting that - I've been slowly recognizing my own behavior too. Especially the mental obsessions with certain things, like being late, or getting someone's name wrong. It's just not tragic enough to spend that much mental energy on these issues! I'm trying to be aware of it, and to shift my focus to something a bit more productive.

- Sylvie

Alone22

What I am finding, now that I see what a codie I have been for a very long time, I have trouble just having a normal conversation with someone. What is there to talk about if I can't help you and give tons of unwanted advice? That in itself has been a real eye opener for me. I see that I am becoming a munch quieter person.. and a much better listener.

LaPinturaBella

You know, I am by nature a very quiet person who tends to sit back, listen and observe. However, I've noticed a tendency in myself lately to give unwanted advice and to help as well. In my case, I think it's a bit of a pendulum swing...I spent so much of my life feeling invisible, that now that I'm feeling better about myself overall, I just want to be talkative, I want to be seen, I want to be heard, and I want to save people the heartache I've experienced. Hmmmm...maybe I need to learn a healthier way to just participate. Ya think?