dfw

Hello all, hope everyone is doing well. I'm feeling pretty great most of the time, I just had a pretty heavy conversation with my ex-girlfriend this afternoon.

Just an update on that situation, I'm very locked into my sobriety and my ex-girlfriend just started to contact me again.

This afternoon she admitted that she felt guilty for my drinking escapades while we were dating, and asked me two questions that stand out in my mind:

1) Did you become sober for me?

My answer: I became sober for myself, I realized that my substance abuse had been a problem since the beginning of college.

2 [I guess this one isn't a question]) I feel guilty for listening to people who said you just needed to build your tolerance, get used to drinking, etc.

My response: No one forced me to do anything, you shouldn't feel guilty for a personal decision that I made.


We've been communicating more and more lately, and it's pretty obvious she's got mixed feelings about us as a couple. She did say that she was proud of me for making the decision to be sober.

Do you all think I handled this situation properly?

Just like sobriety, I'm taking everything with her a day at a time, this approach seems to make life a hell of a lot easier all around.

Sorry for the rambling, I feel slightly scatterbrained today (spent most of the night last night awake recording music).

nandm

It sounds like you answered each question honestly. In that case, you did a wonderful job answering them because honesty is one thing that matters in sobriety. Take care and I hope everything works out well for you.

dfw

Thank you! Honesty is something I've always prided myself on, I just tended to be an ass about it and not choose my words carefully when drinking in the past. :P

Mark75

You did fine.

My wife had some guilt... If only she had... All that. I just reminded her that there was nothing she could have done with the information she had at the time... She didn't cause it, she can't control it and she can't cure it...

Like nandm said, honesty... Rigorous and uncompromising.

Anna

It sounds like she is questioning her part in your alcoholism and I think it's understandable for her to do that. It's good that you gave her honest answers and I do hope things work out for you both.

EmeraldRose

Not only are we 'ill' with alcoholism our loved ones and family become 'ill' too. They have many emotions and feelings about why we drank, what we did when we drank and why they couldn't 'cure' us...I think just being patient, answering questions honestly and time heals most wounds. Good Job.

Dee74

I think you can't do better than honesty dfw

D

NYCDoglvr

You did great and you're doing great! You seem to understand that relationships are hard for everyone and for an alcoholic they can lead to a drink. My hat off to you for taking it slowly. If you do connect with her again make sure she doesn't drink around you

Zebra1275

I think your honesty and attitude of taking it one day at a time in the relatinship is good. If your relationship with her develops I think it will have a strong foundation.

dfw

Honestly I haven't had a problem with people drinking or doing anything around me, what they put into their own bodies is their business.