Tools

Old 06-10-2011, 06:42 AM
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Tools

Ok. It's time to start one of those threads that help us all. I have a great toolbox full of things that I use to help me stay sane while the addict in my life spirals in his disease. I'd LOVE to hear about the tools all of you use! Why? Because I want to add to my toolbox and YOU just might have the thing that will work for me!

Tool #1
My iPhone. I have five applications on my iPhone that I use every single day. They are always with me so I can use them anytime.
a. Secrets Daily Teachings - it is a daily reader that is full of ways to change your thinking and keep it positive.
b. Inspirational Quotes - different inspirational quotes every time I push the button. Often, someone a lot wiser than I am has said something that I can draw strength from.
c. The Language of Letting Go - daily reader by Melody Beatty. YES it's an iPhone application!!!!
d. Deepak Chopra - The Keys to Living StressFREE. A series of exercises that help you remove stress from your life.
e. Pandora - a music "station" of sorts but I can pick the genre of music and listen to it all day long. I usually pick world music or meditation music to listen to to each morning as I get ready to set my state of mind for the day.

Next? What do you use to keep yourself grounded and focused on yourself and not on the addict in your life?

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 06-10-2011, 07:23 AM
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Red face

this is my first post. My 25 year old son is a heroin addict. Recently relapsed while living here after coming home from 18 months of prison. We let him detox here but now he is in an Oxford house..... obviously I could go on and on with my story but the answer to this particular post is "I pray without ceasing", shortly after my son was incarcerated back in 2009 one of the pastor's at my church gave me a little book entitled "Jesus Calling" I can't tell you what a blessing it has been! It is uncanny how often the daily reading seems to be exactly what I need. I am a follower of Christ, He is my rock. I've learned that God's peace is not the absence of trouble but the very strength that carries us through it. My life has been FULL of chaos the last couple of weeks yet God's presence has been tangible to me. I cannot imagine where I'd be without it ... probably in a psych ward somewhere
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Old 06-10-2011, 07:29 AM
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I second the iphone. I have the kindle app and have whipped out Codependent No More MANY times when I feel myself slipping back into codie mode. Just a few pages can usually bring me back on track.
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Old 06-10-2011, 07:59 AM
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Steps One, Two and Three keep me on track. I need to remind myself of these every single day.
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Old 06-10-2011, 08:43 AM
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Kindeyes....

I also use my I-phone. I have an app "The language of letting go" Daily Meditations for Co-dependency. By Melody Beattie.

I also have the Deepak Chopra app.
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Old 06-10-2011, 09:23 AM
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I make plans then I do them. I stay busy with my hobbies. I crank up music that makes me want to dance. I surround myself with other people. I look in the mirror and say "stop" out loud. I say the first step out loud. I do whatever it takes to stop obsessing.

My daughter is in recovery but I have to do these things all the time. My obsessive nature is always looking for some thing/one to focus on.
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Old 06-10-2011, 01:25 PM
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I have read the book and seen the movie *Eat, Pray Love* by Elizabeth Gilbert.

In this book (which has nothing to do with drug addiction but I would say she was addicted to her men in general and of not being alone) she tells a friend of hers that she misses *him*.
He says *so miss him*.
She says *I love him*
He says *so love him, send him light and love everytime you think about him and then DROP IT*

So, one of my tools is, that when I think that I am missing my ex-addict-fiance....I close my eyes and say out loud (if I can) "ex-addict-fiance..... I'm sending you light, love and encouragement" and then I drop it.

I may do this 5 times a day or sometimes once a week, but it helps me.
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Old 06-10-2011, 05:29 PM
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I love all of these tools. They are filling up my toolbox MORE! Thank you!

MissTara-I love that.....I'll use that in my prayers and ask my HP to make a delivery to my AS of "light, love and encouragement". Thank you!

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 06-10-2011, 06:31 PM
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Originally Posted by Kindeyes View Post
Next? What do you use to keep yourself grounded and focused on yourself and not on the addict in your life?

gentle hugs
ke
Working upwards of 12+ hours a day.....

I know, I'm such a whiner, graduate student right now!!!!

Thanks for the topic, KE!
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Old 06-10-2011, 09:45 PM
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I found a book called A Course in Miracles years ago and it changed the way I see the world. It has daily lessons for a year which helps to release all your fixed beliefs that hurt you. It is highly spiritual and basically takes the teachings of forgiveness, non-judgement and love to the extreme.

I also like Deepak Chopra and Byron Katie. In the end I find they all say the same thing, but A course in Miracles is the deepest. most beautiful book I have ever come across. I think it saved my life.
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Old 06-11-2011, 05:00 AM
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Great thread KE.

I too use my IPhone...downloaded Language of Letting Go and it's the first thing I reach for when I wake up. I also download podcast of alanon meetings which I listen to while I travel.

I have a prayer line that I call for my daily dose from up above.

Huggs to all
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Old 06-11-2011, 07:37 AM
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Those of you using the Sedona Method, what sources do you recommend? Books, forums etc?
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Old 06-11-2011, 07:37 AM
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I also am reading through the book Tinks mentioned - Jesus Calling - along with another called Streams in the Desert. Both of them are excellent and as Tinks mentioned, it's like God speaking straight to my need. For me, nothing compares to drawing near to God, spending time in His word and in prayer, to give me the strength, peace, and hope to make it through the storm that is my daughter's addiction.
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Old 06-11-2011, 08:04 AM
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There are so many of these tools that involve changing our inner voice or reprogramming our thought process. That is essentially what (I believe) the 12 steps do as well but I think any tools we can employ that amplify the positive messages help tremendously!

I recently read "Make Miracles in 40 Days" by Melody Beatty and performed the exercise as prescribed. It felt so good that I am continuing the exercise beyond the 40 days (although not as regularly as I should). It helped get my MIND turned around in those 40 days. THAT was a miracle. The "buddy" part of it is important and I am so lucky to have a wonderful buddy to write my gratitude list to each day. Even though I sometimes skip a day or two between gratitude list emails, my buddy always "gets it" when I send one.

Changing my inner dialogue has been critical. I talked with my AS briefly yesterday and I handled the phone conversation wonderfully but I am amazed at how a brief encounter with him can undo some of the hard work I have done. The negative dialogue returns for a day or two after contact with him and I have to step up my work on me to stop that from happening.

I also use prayer daily while I listen to meditative music as I get dressed for work. It usually starts in the shower and is a daily conversation with my HP. It continues as I drive to work. This "sets" my mindset for the day as I hand myself and all of my loved ones over to my HP each morning. It is a huge stress relief for me.

Keep 'em coming. All of the newcomers to SR can benefit from YOUR tools that you are sharing!

gentle hugs.....I love all of you!
ke
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Old 06-11-2011, 08:23 AM
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I agree with changing our inner dialog KE. Like you, I have found by asking early in the morning for the type of day I want (calm, filled with love, etc.), I have those days. It is when I let myself be drawn back into drama that I start to suffer.

I have been seeing my AS on and off for the last couple of months. I think he is off the hard stuff, because we have very enjoyable encounters. I don't ask about drugs, I don't try and control him in anything, I don't give advice, I simply enjoy the time he is with us. It is wonderful. I think it would have been very different if he came to visit us high, but he doesn't.

I couldn't have seen him like this if I was still obsessed with letting him see the error of his ways. It was only by changing my thoughts about him that our relationship has changed. This is the first time in about 10 years that I have been able to have peaceful afternoons with him. I thank God for this.
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Old 06-11-2011, 04:31 PM
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I'm glad you suggested the iPhone apps. I have one, and I haven't tried these. I use my iPhone b/c I have all my songs on iTunes. Music always helps me with whatever mood I'm in. I play Words With Friends, because I like word games. I have fun and it keeps me focused.

I also study for my classes. It is hard sometimes with motivation, but this is a direction I want to move. I am doing this for myself (not for the RABF or AM or AF). I also like to exercise--especially walking outdoors. I have learned some yoga and Tai Chi, and I've found that the stretching/moving helps me feel better.

I'm using an app to keep track of my diet and exercise. It is a way that I am focussing on myself. I know I will feel better if I get more in shape--it's not about losing weight for somebody else, but about feeling more healthy, having less pain on my knees, etc.

I also love to take a shower/bath to wash away the day. I know I'm doing better if I'm focused on self-care.

Work is stressful, but it helps me stay focused on myself.

When I start obsessing about others (esp. RABF), I try to picture handing them over to God. I picture my RABF with his parents' arms wrapped around them (they are passed on). I think of him bathed in their light, and remember that they are taking care of him.

I also say a prayer to God asking him to bless each person I can think of. I include people who are annoying me or making me angry (like my boss or mom). I think that helps me let go.

I also go though my list of things that I am thankful for. This helps when I start awfulizing about something.

I could think of many more things, but I'll stop here. LOL Thanks for this thread!!
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Old 06-13-2011, 06:01 PM
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well, i like this topic...i love more TOOLs for my "work bench"...

I have one of many...the language of letting go, waiting for me every morning to read daily on the dinner table...

my coffee, i take long sips as i read and ingest every single word...

but when i go out...i have the FORUM magazine from AL ANON, i have 2...one in my viser in my car, and one always in my purse...

if i have 5 mins...this is what i read ...THE FORUM...
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Old 06-13-2011, 06:30 PM
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I have my Daily Checklist that keeps me on track

1. Drink enough water
2. Eat enough nutritious food
3. Get enough alone time to meditate/talk to HP
4. Get enough exercise
5. Get enough sleep

I also like to talk at least once a day with someone whom I love, who loves me, come in here to SR, love on my cat, watch the hummingbirds at the feeders. There is a lot of good to love about being alive.
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Old 06-15-2011, 08:41 AM
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Still thinking about this post! Tools are critical, are they not?? Anything that puts the focus on us and our recovery.

I went to the doc this morning for the first time in about 5 years. I don't need to tell anyone how much we neglect taking care of ourselves while in the "crazy place" with our addicts. I'm ready to take care of myself, now. I need to lose a lot of weight and start "feeling" my feelings instead of "stuffing" them with food.

So my new summer project involves creating a binder filled with family-friendly recipes/meal ideas. I want to try a couple new recipes every week. The kids (teens) know about the project, and they're excited to have "voting" nights at the dinner table. :-) I'm revamping some old recipes to be more healthful, and I'm searching high and low on the internet for new recipes to try.

I really like cooking, but it was the last thing I wanted to think about when the house was constantly in crisis. Dinners were crap. Pizza. Carry-out. Anything quick, easy and less than healthy. Now that I've learned how to set boundaries and control what happens in my house, life is better. So I want to start cooking again!

Planning meals again... experimenting with recipes... working on a family meal book... This is one of my new tools to stay in recovery and start thinking about myself... and the health of my household, too.

I hope this thread keeps going. :-)
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Old 06-15-2011, 10:55 PM
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Ive picked up a lot of "tools" I guess you could say since trying to recover from the mess my husband and I made ( I say "I" because I did play a roll in this mess, I acknowledge now that I am codependent)

First off, Sober Recovery is a huge tool for me. Even if I don't post, just reading the posts and the reminders that I am not alone, helps.

Secondly, reading. Taking suggestions from others on this site and purchased Codependent No More. (Im not finished yet, but WOW...eyeopener!!)

Third. I find myself saying "YES" to the invites to friends BBQ's and/or meeting with the girls for dinner or a movie. And note, I am not saying YES because I feel obligated. I am saying YES because I really want to spend time with these people! They make me feel normal again! They love me BACK! And that feels so good!

Fourth (this might sound a little goofy) -- Couponing! I'm on a super tight budget, especially with the AH in Rehab again and there is no chance of intercepting a paycheck (since there isn't one) so I'm learning to master the science of Coupons, and I've been saving quite a bit.

I hope you can add some of these, or suggest any of your own. I don't own an Iphone or a Kindle, so these are some of my less electronic ways of spending my time, and using tools to get my mind off of my AH.
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