Can anyone offer some clarity or reassurance
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: On the road to recovery
Posts: 78
Can anyone offer some clarity or reassurance
Hi SR!
In my usual ramble style, I need to ask for some open opinions because I am doubting things.
I haven't had a drink for 24 days now which I am proud of.
At first, apart from my wife and SR, I didn't tell anyone of my problem or that I intended to do something about it.
My drinking patterns were consistent, and increasing. I won't repeat my other posts but just before I stopped, I was consuming around 30 units a day (I hope that translates to USA measures but if not, 2 bottles of wine, 4 beers, couple others on top maybe).
The minimum was 2 bottles of wine, each and every night all to myself, been like that all year every year for as long as I care to remember.
I have had several attempts at moderation and ceasing drinking weekdays, both always end up with an increasing flow of alcohol until I am back to 2 bottles and more EVERY NIGHT.
Now all of a sudden, and strangely inexplicably I decided that I needed to make the break which was 24 days ago.
The first week was really uncomfortable, very irritable, tired, grouchy, nothing right.
The second week was pure tiredness.
The third week - well seemed easy.
Now I tried to confide in two friends because I needed to talk about it - I told the first one that I was worried about my drinking so had decided to take it out of the equation - I explained that week 1 was bad and it had gotten easier, perhaps a bit too easy. His explanation was that I had mis-diagnosed myself as alcoholic??!!!
The second said pretty similar.
I watched Rain in My Heart which is amazing, really sad at a lot of points - but all that made me think was I am nowhere near like that stage.
Couple those points with the fact I keep having conversations in my own head that perhaps I am not alcholic - especially when I am reading how much some guys are struggling on here.
How the heck can I be doubting this - is this the disease playing tricks on my mind?
Sorry if this offends anyone, it isn't meant to make light of anything at all (just in case it seems that way).
Confused.
In my usual ramble style, I need to ask for some open opinions because I am doubting things.
I haven't had a drink for 24 days now which I am proud of.
At first, apart from my wife and SR, I didn't tell anyone of my problem or that I intended to do something about it.
My drinking patterns were consistent, and increasing. I won't repeat my other posts but just before I stopped, I was consuming around 30 units a day (I hope that translates to USA measures but if not, 2 bottles of wine, 4 beers, couple others on top maybe).
The minimum was 2 bottles of wine, each and every night all to myself, been like that all year every year for as long as I care to remember.
I have had several attempts at moderation and ceasing drinking weekdays, both always end up with an increasing flow of alcohol until I am back to 2 bottles and more EVERY NIGHT.
Now all of a sudden, and strangely inexplicably I decided that I needed to make the break which was 24 days ago.
The first week was really uncomfortable, very irritable, tired, grouchy, nothing right.
The second week was pure tiredness.
The third week - well seemed easy.
Now I tried to confide in two friends because I needed to talk about it - I told the first one that I was worried about my drinking so had decided to take it out of the equation - I explained that week 1 was bad and it had gotten easier, perhaps a bit too easy. His explanation was that I had mis-diagnosed myself as alcoholic??!!!
The second said pretty similar.
I watched Rain in My Heart which is amazing, really sad at a lot of points - but all that made me think was I am nowhere near like that stage.
Couple those points with the fact I keep having conversations in my own head that perhaps I am not alcholic - especially when I am reading how much some guys are struggling on here.
How the heck can I be doubting this - is this the disease playing tricks on my mind?
Sorry if this offends anyone, it isn't meant to make light of anything at all (just in case it seems that way).
Confused.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Originally Posted by woowaa 
How the heck can I be doubting this - is this the disease playing tricks on my mind?
.
.
In my experience, yes, this is the disease playing tricks on you.
Remember - feelings aren't facts and don't believe everything you think.
You know, deep down, you already know.
Kjell~
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Thankfully you are nowhere near that stage as those who were shown on Rain in my Heart!! Thank God, huh?
Some, well... many, too many, are at that stage...
It's not about how much you drink, it's why and what happens when you do. Have you given much thought about that?
Some, well... many, too many, are at that stage...
It's not about how much you drink, it's why and what happens when you do. Have you given much thought about that?
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
what are your friends smoking ?
Maybe you have a cast iron constitution- but in time I think something would give
I don't worry about the alcoholic / not alcoholic / disease thing. I have had sheets of paper with the pros and cons of drinking- for me it was costing me a lot, and not giving enough back- and I am "high functioning". From my short times sober before (max 6 months) I have learned there is a better way. Now I try to look at being sober as a new adventure- I don't have a need to be understood by those still drinking.
Maybe you have a cast iron constitution- but in time I think something would give
I don't worry about the alcoholic / not alcoholic / disease thing. I have had sheets of paper with the pros and cons of drinking- for me it was costing me a lot, and not giving enough back- and I am "high functioning". From my short times sober before (max 6 months) I have learned there is a better way. Now I try to look at being sober as a new adventure- I don't have a need to be understood by those still drinking.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Welcome!
I decided to not tell people in my life when I stopped drinking. I was very, very vulnerable and I didn't want input from people that would have me questioning myself.
And, yes, this disease will definitely mess with your head.
I decided to not tell people in my life when I stopped drinking. I was very, very vulnerable and I didn't want input from people that would have me questioning myself.
And, yes, this disease will definitely mess with your head.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Only you know for sure woowaa.
Marks questions are good ones - I agree it's what happens to us, rather than how much.
What I do know is every single one of us here has thought 'maybe I'm not an alcoholic after all?' at one time.....and everyone of us has had a friend or two who'd back that up.
Go back and read your earliest posts maybe - I usually find that helps.
D
Marks questions are good ones - I agree it's what happens to us, rather than how much.
What I do know is every single one of us here has thought 'maybe I'm not an alcoholic after all?' at one time.....and everyone of us has had a friend or two who'd back that up.
Go back and read your earliest posts maybe - I usually find that helps.
D
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
I stayed sober this time by identifying and dismissing that thought every time it came up as a nonsensical alcoholic thought (you can google rational recovery's AVRT for more detail). I just couldn't believe it. It was so obviously not true. I mean seriously who drinks 30 drinks a day and can moderate?
Or for me, who repeatedly let's alcohol rob their children of their mother and continues to WANT to drink?
I didn't really give it much thought this time. Just identify/dismiss.
Or for me, who repeatedly let's alcohol rob their children of their mother and continues to WANT to drink?
I didn't really give it much thought this time. Just identify/dismiss.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: On the road to recovery
Posts: 78
Thanks to everyone for your responses.
I am being stupid, or more accurately I am being conned by myself.
Either way, yes, deep down I know the truth. I also consider myself very lucky to have been able to do something about this before things got worse.
One day at a time.
Tomorrow I have a medical booked - I thought I would get a full check up done, it includes liver and kidney function, diabetes, blood counts etc. for peace of mind. Taking responsibility for my actions and trying to make myself better.
Thanks again all, you are a great great support
I am being stupid, or more accurately I am being conned by myself.
Either way, yes, deep down I know the truth. I also consider myself very lucky to have been able to do something about this before things got worse.
One day at a time.
Tomorrow I have a medical booked - I thought I would get a full check up done, it includes liver and kidney function, diabetes, blood counts etc. for peace of mind. Taking responsibility for my actions and trying to make myself better.
Thanks again all, you are a great great support
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
Great decision....to get a full medical and to acknowledge that your alcoholic mind will indeed try to trick you....best to keep in mind that only you know how much alcohol is affecting your life...no matter how much you are drinking. Keep up the good work!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
I don't care whether I am an alcoholic or not...its just a word. I focus on the fact that my life is immeasurably better without alcohol in it and so I don't drink.
I don't discuss this with friends or family who I know will not understand and who will instead encourage me to moderate. I am coming up on a year and my family still offer me alcohol whoever I see them.
Also, for me, when I finally really quit it was remarkably easy. I drank 1.5 liters of wine and a pack of smokes a night for about 5 years.
I don't discuss this with friends or family who I know will not understand and who will instead encourage me to moderate. I am coming up on a year and my family still offer me alcohol whoever I see them.
Also, for me, when I finally really quit it was remarkably easy. I drank 1.5 liters of wine and a pack of smokes a night for about 5 years.
Servant of God
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Parts Unknown
Posts: 214
Welcome man.
This made me think of the toughest step to take in my recovery. Admitting I was powerless over drugs/alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable.
I still struggle with surrender. Every program out there has this consistent first step/message. I find myself having to revisit this very often.
For me, the addict in me takes on an identity of it's own and does everything it can, including trying to get me believe that I don't have "that big" of a problem, to try to override that first step and get me to use again.
Cunning, powerful.
Good to have you here. Just keep reading.
This made me think of the toughest step to take in my recovery. Admitting I was powerless over drugs/alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable.
I still struggle with surrender. Every program out there has this consistent first step/message. I find myself having to revisit this very often.
For me, the addict in me takes on an identity of it's own and does everything it can, including trying to get me believe that I don't have "that big" of a problem, to try to override that first step and get me to use again.
Cunning, powerful.
Good to have you here. Just keep reading.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Portland OR
Posts: 3
This site is very helpful, woowaa. How similar we are no matter how far flung. I, too, am dancing with that devil of "am i REALLY an alcoholic or just ABUSING it?". Either way I have more Alcohol Related Incidents than I care to recount (but must one day, in writing, for myself). Nothing involving the law, but that may have woken me up sooner, I don't know. Keep coming back here. These people are so caring and helpful. Hang on.
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