AS found and on the way home....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Over the river and thru the woods
Posts: 69
AS found and on the way home....
Okay.. so my son was out of state and has found help thru a shelter in another state. He will be heading home tomorrow via greyhound bus, I am so nervous. I have provided him the phone number for a christian home here in town where he can live. He CLAIMS he is ready for help! (help as in.. rehab) He doesn't qualify for the salvation army program as he is not 21.
I suppose its not really my problem to find him rehab, right? We just cannot have him living in our home. He also has a PO he must answer to... Not sure I am looking for advice but just a vent of sorts. Kinda frustrated that we keep helping him find his way back but he doesn't do anything for himself.
I suppose its not really my problem to find him rehab, right? We just cannot have him living in our home. He also has a PO he must answer to... Not sure I am looking for advice but just a vent of sorts. Kinda frustrated that we keep helping him find his way back but he doesn't do anything for himself.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
If he's under 21, the rehab options may be fewer but not impossible. There are many Teen Challenge rehabs or others similar that might help him. If he is serious, he might want to look at these.
My prayers go out for you and for him. It's really tough being the mom of an addict, and I'm sure it's no picnic being an addict either.
Hugs from one mama's heart to another's.
My prayers go out for you and for him. It's really tough being the mom of an addict, and I'm sure it's no picnic being an addict either.
Hugs from one mama's heart to another's.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
Hello jalopenolover: Being a mom of a drug abuser is not for weenies, is it?
Regarding your question of not being responsible to find him a drug rehab. The quick answer is "no." But on the other hand, when you stand eye-to-eye to your son and say "no, you cannot live here" then you may feel better ending that sentence with "but, there is a rehab that will take you in, and I would be happy to drive you over there to be enrolled." It gives you and your son a game plan for you both to hang your hats on. Now we know that he probably won't take you up on it, but it also gives you a continuing conversation to go to when your son calls you in the future for some kind of help that you do not want to give.
For me, it felt better adding that ending as opposed to just saying "no" and then watching him walk away knowing that his head was swirling with what druggie friends or enabling relatives he could call to help him. It put an alternative solution in his head and gave me the opportunity to be part of the solution.
Hope that helps. If not, just disregard it.
Regarding your question of not being responsible to find him a drug rehab. The quick answer is "no." But on the other hand, when you stand eye-to-eye to your son and say "no, you cannot live here" then you may feel better ending that sentence with "but, there is a rehab that will take you in, and I would be happy to drive you over there to be enrolled." It gives you and your son a game plan for you both to hang your hats on. Now we know that he probably won't take you up on it, but it also gives you a continuing conversation to go to when your son calls you in the future for some kind of help that you do not want to give.
For me, it felt better adding that ending as opposed to just saying "no" and then watching him walk away knowing that his head was swirling with what druggie friends or enabling relatives he could call to help him. It put an alternative solution in his head and gave me the opportunity to be part of the solution.
Hope that helps. If not, just disregard it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Over the river and thru the woods
Posts: 69
Thanks sojourner! I have provided him the telephone number of the Christian Home, he is supposed to be calling this morning to set up something with them. He will arrive tomorrow morning at 6:10 AM. I will be picking him up and taking him to bkfast then... not sure what to do with him. I feel like the mom of an infant that doesn't know what the heck to do with him when he cries. 
He very well could be headed back to jail for leaving the state while out on a PR bond. I am hoping that if he surrenders to rehab then he will be adjucated (or however you spell it).
I am so grateful to all of you who respond during my times of craziness, without you all and Alanon I would be a blubbering mess. I have not found 100 percent serenity but I am def. better now in dealing with all the drama.
He very well could be headed back to jail for leaving the state while out on a PR bond. I am hoping that if he surrenders to rehab then he will be adjucated (or however you spell it).
I am so grateful to all of you who respond during my times of craziness, without you all and Alanon I would be a blubbering mess. I have not found 100 percent serenity but I am def. better now in dealing with all the drama.
It will all work out -
it is what it is
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Griffin GA
Posts: 454
jalapenolover - giving a person options to choose from is not doing it for them - many times a friend has mentioned something to be me i had never thought of as an option in a situation and i am an adult and sober - but once options are in their hands they have to be the ones to act on them for it to be effective -my prayers will be with you and your son as you journey this road - please keep us updated on his choices
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Over the river and thru the woods
Posts: 69
Thanks everyone! I picked him up yesterday, took him to breakfast, did his laundry at laundromat and then the call came... there was room at a Christian Home for him to stay. He was adamant about that option a month ago, yesterday he said he was ready. I took him and while we were waiting he said, 'Ya know what Mom, I smoked my last joint on Wednesday... I enjoyed the heck out of it because I know that it will be my last'. I sincerely hope that is true and he follows thru. One thing is for sure.. I didn't make him do anything (no intervention this time) He made the choice. Will see.. tomorrow is visitation so I am curious to see his frame of mind then. For now - I feel like a million bucks and ton of bricks has been lifted off my shoulders. To that I have my HP to thank. As I have been praying for this for a long time. I know that anything can change at the drop of a hat but I have to have faith that this just MAY be it!
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 598
My husband and I are going through a similar time as you right now. My 27 year old son just hit rock bottom in the past month--all of which came to a head last week. Fortunately for my husband and I we live in another state, so it was easier to let him hit rock bottom. We weren't there to watch it happen which kept us from wanting to fix all his messes.
Last week (after wrecking his car on the way to see the judge about two prior DUIs) the judge ordered him to complete a 30 day rehab. His Dad and I helped him look for a place, we checked it out together, he was agreeable to enroll at the rehab and he's now been detoxing four days. I'm really hopeful that during the course of the 30 days he will come to terms with getting clean and sober and continuing on with his life. I'm hoping he will be honest with himself and if he needs longer than 30 days he will say so and stay longer.
When our son completes his rehab, then we have the future to think about--what happens when he comes out. He is desperate to leave where his drug addiction took place and start over. A month ago I don't think he would have been ready to go into rehab. It's so hard to wait on our children or loved ones to reach that point when they are ready to get help. But thank God, for you and me, I hope we are there and healing can begin.
Last week (after wrecking his car on the way to see the judge about two prior DUIs) the judge ordered him to complete a 30 day rehab. His Dad and I helped him look for a place, we checked it out together, he was agreeable to enroll at the rehab and he's now been detoxing four days. I'm really hopeful that during the course of the 30 days he will come to terms with getting clean and sober and continuing on with his life. I'm hoping he will be honest with himself and if he needs longer than 30 days he will say so and stay longer.
When our son completes his rehab, then we have the future to think about--what happens when he comes out. He is desperate to leave where his drug addiction took place and start over. A month ago I don't think he would have been ready to go into rehab. It's so hard to wait on our children or loved ones to reach that point when they are ready to get help. But thank God, for you and me, I hope we are there and healing can begin.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Over the river and thru the woods
Posts: 69
Visitation went okay! He was somewhat quiet, maybe trying to find HIS place in 'the home'. I pick him up tomorrow to take him to his PR bond appointment, he actually called last night to confirm times as he cannot leave unless its for court appointments.
@kmangel - I do hope and pray that this will be IT for our children. As I have reflected on past events I always wondered why those weren't 'rock bottom'. I now see that all of those past experiences seemed horrible but he was still being taken care of by others. (whether that was in rehab, hospital, etc). Perhaps spending 7 days in a totally different state with no friends, money, or anyone to shovel his a** outta trouble might have been the difference. Time will tell for us both - lets just keep praying - our HP def. knows best! Hugs to all!
@kmangel - I do hope and pray that this will be IT for our children. As I have reflected on past events I always wondered why those weren't 'rock bottom'. I now see that all of those past experiences seemed horrible but he was still being taken care of by others. (whether that was in rehab, hospital, etc). Perhaps spending 7 days in a totally different state with no friends, money, or anyone to shovel his a** outta trouble might have been the difference. Time will tell for us both - lets just keep praying - our HP def. knows best! Hugs to all!
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 598
Jalapenolover,
I'm not able to visit with my son because we are out of state, but the counselor told my husband and me that if we could stay away the entire 30 days, that would be best. There are family visitation times Friday nights and Sunday afternoons which as the 30 days draw near we may fly down to where he is to see him. It's hard to stay away--no matter what the age of our children. I want to wrap him up in my arms.
My son just texted me that he is really resonating with what he is learning. One of the men went over something in the book he was having trouble with and then it all made sense to him. When he was a teenager he resisted the 12 step program we had him in, but now he seems to be in a good place for hearing and accepting the truth of his situation.
Yes, God knows what's best for both our sons and us. As difficult as it has been to see my son to go down this dangerous road, he had to go down it to get to the place of healing. It is an evil road they have chosen to travel, but good can come from it. What is your son's name? I'd like to pray for him if you don't mind.
I'm not able to visit with my son because we are out of state, but the counselor told my husband and me that if we could stay away the entire 30 days, that would be best. There are family visitation times Friday nights and Sunday afternoons which as the 30 days draw near we may fly down to where he is to see him. It's hard to stay away--no matter what the age of our children. I want to wrap him up in my arms.
My son just texted me that he is really resonating with what he is learning. One of the men went over something in the book he was having trouble with and then it all made sense to him. When he was a teenager he resisted the 12 step program we had him in, but now he seems to be in a good place for hearing and accepting the truth of his situation.
Yes, God knows what's best for both our sons and us. As difficult as it has been to see my son to go down this dangerous road, he had to go down it to get to the place of healing. It is an evil road they have chosen to travel, but good can come from it. What is your son's name? I'd like to pray for him if you don't mind.
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
glad your son made it home & praying everything will work out for him. we always wonder why rock bottom has to b so deep & where the botton will be. 16yrs ago my sons wife was murdered while he was in prison. he had 2 children with her.they were 3 & 5 yrs old. i just knew that this would b his bottom & he would raise his kids when he came home. today they are 21 & 19 yrs old. that did not happen. they are grown & he is now back in prison serving a 7 yr term. i pray for your son that his will not b as deep. i pray for you.
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