ADaisyifyoudo

Hi,

I'm 45, and have been a heavy drinker for years. Stopped for 9 months when I was pregnant no problem, and then for 9 months after that while I was breastfeeding I only drank an occasional glass of wine etc. But the past couple of years, and this year in particular, have gotten pretty bad. Drinking most nights, I'd say, and some mornings I would not remember how I got to bed. I'd occasionally have phone conversations with friends and not recall them the next day. Never got into trouble, though, except the occasional stupid fight with the hubby after a few drinks.

I never drank during the day, but would easily drink 6 - 8 drinks a night, gin, vodka, wine, sometimes beer. After Memorial Day weekend, where my friends having a block party actually provided me my own bottle of gin for the occasion (everyone else drank wine or beer), I realized I needed to get my act together. I haven't had a drink in 8 days.

First few nights were rough, hard time sleeping, but other than that I felt fine physically. I realize it's not just about the physical side of things, and reading through this website about all the steps I have to follow etc I have gotten so down. . .I just am not sure I can do this.

Unlike some of the other folks that seem to be feeling better now that they've stopped drinking, I feel worse. Help?

Jabbadabutt

No, you can do this. If you really want to that is. You probabaly will feel worse before you feel better. The first week or two was tough, the first month was hard, the next two months were kinda tough, then it got easier cause I worked at it. Once you try you can not give up. You need to give it a real chance. get the poison out. Change your thinking. Welcome.

littlefish

Honey, I felt horrible when I quit. Because I thought i was supposed to become happy and joyful when I quit. Instead, I was a totally miserable dry drunk for over a year. And, man, I do not want to live that year again.
What happened? I didn't know how to be happy, I didn't know how to love the people around me or be serene. I thought everyone around me was the cause of my problems: I liked the blame game, yeah.
I had to do the step work in AA to realize that I was the cause of most of my problems.
Don't want to do the steps or AA?

That's cool: find something else. Find the structure and support you need wherever you find it: but find it. Find it in outpatient therapy, addiction therapy, whatever: just find it!

Anna

Yes, you can do it, but I think you're finding there is more to it than the physical part. It's figuring out how to deal with emotions and get through daily life without alcohol that is often the hardest part.

But, know that you can do it and we're here to offer support.

Pigtails

Hi, I can relate, I felt so very depressed and down when I decided I needed to stop drinking. I felt overwhelmed and afraid to do it because of failure. Still when I think long-term and at all the different events etc. that I will have to go without alcohol at and how to tell people and how to say no etc. I start to get a panicked and depressed feeling. So I decided to take it one day at a time.

I'm not going to drink today.

That is my mantra.

Sometimes it's I'm not going to drink right now.

I have not even been able to tell myself I'm never going to drink again. I just say, I'm not drinking now or for awhile, to see how I feel and to take a step back and evaluate things. I gave myself a rough timeline of a month. This is not giving myself permission to drink in a month, it's just taking things a chunk at a time so they don't feel overwhelming to me. In a month I will see where I'm at and how I feel. Honestly once I adapted this attitude I started to feel so much better not drinking and I don't know why I would want to drink in a month. But it felt good to give myself permission to re-group, to tell myself this is only temporary.

And to tell myself that I can do anything I truly want to do. And so can you!

DayTrader

First off, you don't HAVE to be in AA or even work the steps. You may find though, like I did, that even with many days......weeks.....and months of not drinking under my belt, other than the physical improvement, I wasn't really feeling any better. I missed drinking.......I missed the escape......I missed the "fun" I'd had partying.

Some very heavy drinkers, once they stop, seem to be able to get their live straightened out. They fix their marital/relationship problems, they make amends for past mistakes, they clean themselves up and get moving with the business of life.......and they do it well. For others, "not drinking" doesn't increase there efficacy in any of those areas. They find they're just as miserable as ever (maybe even worse) and very little is getting better if anything at all is. These folks, they're the folks AA was designed to work for......these hopeless folks.....the folks who can't stay dry and even when they can scrape some time together, it's not quality time. If you fall into this category, AA will start looking a whole lot more appealing - pain brings that willingness to try.

I found myself in that second category.....knew I needed to be in and stay in AA. I really searched for a way to NOT do the steps because, well, I didn't like them. They seemed ok for "you people" but they weren't what I NEEDED. Ya see, I'm special...my case is a little different. I need something extra, or special, or different than the masses. hah.....wow, was I full of myself.

Don't sweat working all the steps and never drinking for the rest of your life, and how do I go to concerts sober, and how do i play golf sober, and how do i cut the grass sober, and how do i go to a wedding sober, and how do i........etc etc etc. Right now, you "worry" about today. That's it. And really, you don't have much control over what's gonna happen in 4 hours let alone tomorrow, next week or in many years time. Try to not fret over the future.......try to stay in the present....it's the only time you really have.

Give AA an honest try.....if you want to and/or need to. Take some time and do some searching around to find the handful of good groups in your area......and give it ONE sincere shot. If nothing else, you can always do something else down the road. Nothing is set in stone.

Recovery should be fun - not every day will be.....unfortunately...but it should be a fun process. I frickin haaaaaated it at first. I hated recovery, I hated being sober (really, I wasn't sober but I was dry.....), I hated AA, I hated the meetings, I hated the ppl there, I didn't think it would work for me, etc etc etc...... In spite of all that, I started doing the steps with a mentor who had 15 years continuous sobriety. All I can say is that, just like taking medicine you don't believe in or like or think will work......once I started taking the "medicine" of the steps I started feeling a LOT better. Once I got a taste of that, my heart changed and I fell in love with the process. Now, it's the coolest part of my life. I'd give up anything to keep my sobriety.....and I've had to give up a lot. For what it's worth, the TOUGHEST thing to give up was the importance I put on MY OPINION. Sometimes I don't do such a good job but when I'm really connected, nothing really upsets me, I'm open to change, I don't mind being wrong and I don't feel like I need to impress everyone all the time. It's quite the payoff......but boy, do I LOVE to have an opinion (even though it keeps me from that good stuff and sometimes leads to feeling pretty darn bad.....lol).

anyway..... as has been said, what you're feeling is VERY common. If you're lucky, it'll go away on it's own, you'll keep yourself sober, you'll make the necessary changes in your life and things will improve. On the other hand, you may find you need the AA program and, for me, that was the luckiest day I've had in maaaany years. so really, it's win win

Reset

I felt pretty crummy for a month or two, at least. It's worth it though.

The thing that kept me going was the thought of having to re-start the process if I relapsed. Think about how awful that would be- going through detox again, and it's supposedly worse each time you do it.

Hang in there, it does get better.

least

I agree with finding support, whether it be AA or another program, or maybe counseling. Feeling miserable is common, besides you're in very early recovery and it takes time to start feeling truly better. Give yourself some time to see if you start feeliing better. If not, maybe you have depression. (I drank to medicate depression but it only got worse)

I also find that expressing gratitude helps a lot. It reminds me of how good I really have it and how drinking could lose it all.

Give yourself some more time. Then if not feeling better, I'd suggest a thorough checkup.

ADaisyifyoudo

Thanks to everyone for the support. It's really helpful (although what I really wanted to hear was "Day 9 everything gets better" - I knew I wouldn't).

I'm taking my daughter out for dinner tonight, and for a walk along the river in town. She's the light of my life and deserves a sober mom.

dbskid

I think it's different for everyone.....I'm on day 17 today and I've started feeling significantly better.....I have been killing myself with exercise though.....I feel much better after a long run and I actually sleep like a baby.....the first week was very hard....each day after has been a little easier....

I have been drinking a long time....mostly binging on the weekends....then the last three years it's gotten worse.....my first week felt sooo bad that it motivates me not to have to go through that again.......I keep a journal to document how it's going.....when I feel weak...I come back here and read...and refer to the first few entries in my journal......then I go for a run.....

Good Luck to you.....You CAN do it.....and so can I.....

Dee74

Welcome ADaisy

I remember feeling worse too - drinking was a big part of my life - it had become my emotional leveller/stabiliser - without that I floundered a bit for a little while.

But it does get better...and you are definitely not alone

This is a great site for support
Welcome!

D

CarolD

I'm so pleased your daughter won't grow up with a drinking Mother...welcome...

nodl5

day 10 here! i have found that this time has been different, since i want this. but, i cannot lose focus. i am a single father and have found my attention to my daughter is of a much higher quality. i have chosen AA to help me in my recovery. 33 years of drinking has proved to be too large for me personally to try this alone.

glad to read that you came here to discuss your experience.

grateful101010

You are definitely not alone because your story is eerily similar to mine! I will have 8 months sobriety in two days. It's just awesome.

If I can do it, you can do it, Miss mid-40's mom who pounds the drinks after kids go to bed because dammit I'm a hard working mom and I need these drinks to unwind and I deserve it.

/this is me, and maybe you
//no excuses this time, don't bother, I've used every one in the book and you're not so terminally unique that you can come up with new ones
///this site is for pros, there's nothing we haven't heard and no one we don't support but sobriety is YOUR job, no one else's.

EmeraldRose

Welcome Daisy. It does get better in more ways than just feeling better. You're whole outlook on life will get better.
My husband and I separated and I thought I was in control -I wasn't. So finally quit after losing my job and realized that if I sat around feeling sorry for myself I would be the failure he expected I'd be on my own. So I decided to be the best person I can be....each day. Each day, don't drink, each day get better.
I've fixed up my basement to do part time dog grooming (made $97. just today), got a new job that I love and am up for a supervisor position after just 6 weeks, my bills are paid and I can eat ice cream for supper if I want to. *smile* Life is good. It does get better...but you will have to work at it. Don't expect a certain day that everything will magickally just get better. It is like the disease...progressive...your life will progressively get better sober. Really. Welcome.