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wife is driving me crazy

Old 06-08-2011, 10:25 AM
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Unhappy wife is driving me crazy

When my wife and I hooked up 14 years ago, we had alot in common. We both did the same kind of work, we both liked star wars, we both laughed at the same jokes and invented some along the way, we supported and stood by each other through good times and bad.

She told me stories about how her mom, aunt and uncle were all alcoholics and made her life a living hell...things she had to put up with and witness - screaming, fighting, neglect, abuse, the whole nine yards.

A few years into our marriage we began drinking socially with our coworkers and then began keeping a bottle in the house. eventually the bottles wound up being emptied and replaced quicker and quicker. We both realized that we were starting to drink to much and admitted it to each other. We both stopped, had a child, and then the pattern began again. we both admitted there was a problem. This time, however, I'm on permanent disability with medication. She's using that as an excuse to continue drinking more and more. She thinks I get a kick from my medicines - they're for muscular dystrophy - they don't make me high. But she insists that since she's the one who has to keep working that she deserved her booze at the end of the day to help her with her aches, pains and stress. She's said that if I get my pills then she should be entitled to her nightly hooch.

So, you can imagine how it's turned out. Alomost every single day after work, and all day on weekends and holidays, she gets liquored up. She always says "yes I've has a little but I'm not drunk." She's also been picking up booze on her way homke from work and hiding it, drinking it in secret, and I can tell when she starts talking. She gets on a subject and won't quit. Sometimes its everyday stuff and other times its outlandish or even offensive stuff (one time she was convinced she had an epiphone about God's "libido'). It's like a feedback loop and she wants me to agree with her over and over again. If I don't agree with her she berates me and picks at me until I withdraw and hide. LAtely this behavior has turned more from a one-sided conversation to picking, baseless accusations and finger-pointing. on things from where did the remote go to where did our son's dependent SSDI benefit check go. For the paycheck, she accused me of losing it and then of stealing and hiding or spending it. SHe was so persistent that she had me questioning my own memory and wondering if I actually took it. That was a week ago. Today I found it crumpled up in her pants pocket on the bathroom floor.

As far as my son goes, he's 6. I'm vigilant not to let her do anything inapproprate in front of him. When she gets bad, I take him out and get him away from her drunken dramas. He's starting to take notice though of how her personality changes when she starts drinking. This summer she insisted in enrolling him in day camp even though I've said that I'm home all day and would like to spend the time with him. Later in a drunken stupor she admitted that she doesn't want him to spend more summer time with me than with her, like she got jealous that I was able to spend time with him as a stay-at-home dad before he started kindergarten. I want to go in and cancel the day camp but now she's convinced him that it will be more fun than "staying home with Daddy".
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Old 06-08-2011, 10:32 AM
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Sorry to hear of your problem, Steve. I am guessing you have talked to your wife -- when she is sober? If not, take that step. Other than that, there is not much you can do. She has to realize her problem and want to stop herself.

I would encourage you to check out the friends and family board below, and perhaps seek out an al anon meeting in your area!
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Old 06-08-2011, 10:41 AM
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Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 06-08-2011, 11:10 AM
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Steve, I am sorry with what you are having to go through.

Is your MS Primary Progressive or Relaxing Remitting?

Neither one is easy to live with but the PP is worse.

I too suggest you join us ovcer the F&F board.

Sending good thoughts and prayers your way.

Love and hugs,
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Old 06-08-2011, 11:45 AM
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I certainly couldn't live with or expose a child to that crap.

Sorry.. but that's my opinion. As a former drunk/addict, and as someone who's been in relationships with 'em. No way.

She has every right to drink herself into nothingness... you have every right to protect yourself and your son from having a front row seat to it.
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Old 06-08-2011, 11:56 AM
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Steve, I want to comment further on your post. I was "that wife." I didn't have the abuse or neglect outright as a child but the alcoholism runs in my family and I witnessed a lot as a child.

My husband and I got to the point you are at right now with your wife. My husband tried to talk to me, told my doctor (I switched doctors), etc. I didn't do anything about my problem until he took action on his own for HIMSELF. My husband told me, "I will not allow alcohol in the house any longer and I will be attending weekly Alanon meetings." I was like, wow he really cares about me and our relationship, he is going to get his own help!!!! So that night I went to an AA meeting.

I'm not saying your wife will respond as quickly as I did but what I think will eventually happen is she will see you detaching with love and taking care of yourself. Once she sees this she will realize you mean business. Your son deserves this from you. He is young and doesn't yet have a voice or the ability to take action. You have to do this on behalf of your son.

Your wife is most likely evaluating her situation even though she's not letting you in on it. I bet you anything she is feeling pretty badly about herself. I can also bet that even though she is working and maintaining a level of responsibility she is suffering physically as well.

Separete yourself from her emotionally and don't engage in ANY discussion of drinking with her. Go to meetings - kids can go and play while you talk. Your son will start to know what's up pretty soon so the quicker you can get yourself support the better.

Since I was the wife in this sinario please let me know if you have any questions and I will try to help if I can in a small way.
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Old 06-08-2011, 12:08 PM
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OH MY God: you just described me when you described your wife. Everything you say about your wife is exactly how I was when I drank, to a T.

I can't say anything better than the previous poster: thanks 1undone, you said it so well.
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Old 06-08-2011, 12:46 PM
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Hi and Welcome,

I hope that you can develop some good boundaries for yourself and your son.

Please do check out the F & F forums.
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Old 06-08-2011, 03:38 PM
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Welcome Steve

Some great advice here.

I hope you'll check out our Family and Friends forum too, and Al Anon

D
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Old 06-08-2011, 03:39 PM
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Actually, Steve did post this in the F&F forum earlier this afternoon.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2993956
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Old 06-08-2011, 04:11 PM
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Thanks Suki

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