How do I say SORRY?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Melbourne Fl
Posts: 2
How do I say SORRY?
Hello everyone,
Back in high school myself and this girl used to be best friends, and got in a lot of trouble together. We also smoked marijuana together. After some things in my life happened I started to smoke a lot, and she sort of followed along. I was expelled from school because of my behavior and we lost touch for a long time.As the years went be, I went to therapy and then had a baby so my whole life changed for the better. Recently, she added me on FaceBook and we started to talk a little. I found out went to rehab a year ago and has been going through what sounds like hell to get clean. I feel completely responsible! If it wasn't for me she wouldn't have started to experimenting with these drugs. How do I say I'm sorry? Should I not push us to reconnect and become close friends again because I might be a reminder of her old life? I don't know what to do or say.
Back in high school myself and this girl used to be best friends, and got in a lot of trouble together. We also smoked marijuana together. After some things in my life happened I started to smoke a lot, and she sort of followed along. I was expelled from school because of my behavior and we lost touch for a long time.As the years went be, I went to therapy and then had a baby so my whole life changed for the better. Recently, she added me on FaceBook and we started to talk a little. I found out went to rehab a year ago and has been going through what sounds like hell to get clean. I feel completely responsible! If it wasn't for me she wouldn't have started to experimenting with these drugs. How do I say I'm sorry? Should I not push us to reconnect and become close friends again because I might be a reminder of her old life? I don't know what to do or say.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 178
Hi shansaun,
I just wanted to say you are not to blame! As you said you got into trouble "together"! She would have had her own reasons for getting into trouble.
My own best friend from school got into drugs, and I followed a little bit of the way because it all seemed so glamorous and exciting (good grief!) - but something stopped me following too far. I knew it wasn't for me. She herself was following others, but something in her told her to keep going.
I've never blamed her for "influencing" me, and I know if I'd gone further it would not have been her fault, rather something in me.
It's beautiful that you want to say sorry to her even though you are really not to blame. I'm sure she'd be moved to know you cared about her that much, and care how hard it's been for her.
But be careful! My old school friend caused a lot of trouble in my life. I think she almost resented that I didn't follow her all the way. I don't have contact any more with her, but she was pretty toxic for me really!
There may be more problems for you than for her in reconnecting!
I might be completely wrong, and sorry to sound so cynical and world weary! I had a really bad experience.
I just wanted to say you are not to blame! As you said you got into trouble "together"! She would have had her own reasons for getting into trouble.
My own best friend from school got into drugs, and I followed a little bit of the way because it all seemed so glamorous and exciting (good grief!) - but something stopped me following too far. I knew it wasn't for me. She herself was following others, but something in her told her to keep going.
I've never blamed her for "influencing" me, and I know if I'd gone further it would not have been her fault, rather something in me.
It's beautiful that you want to say sorry to her even though you are really not to blame. I'm sure she'd be moved to know you cared about her that much, and care how hard it's been for her.
But be careful! My old school friend caused a lot of trouble in my life. I think she almost resented that I didn't follow her all the way. I don't have contact any more with her, but she was pretty toxic for me really!
There may be more problems for you than for her in reconnecting!
I might be completely wrong, and sorry to sound so cynical and world weary! I had a really bad experience.
Abnormally normal
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Los Angeles, Ca.
Posts: 306
Hello..
I have somewhat of a similar past with an old friend.
We too were best friends and she constantly asked me (as well as other friends) to try marijuana right before they would gather somewhere to have a quick session. I always said no and they would crack jokes as teenagers do.
Well, one day I was at her house. She lived in an apartment building and her older sister rented an apartment a few floors above her and her moms. It was in a pretty bad neighborhood, so access to drugs was easily available. Needless to say, she had some weed and again asked me (more like begged) just to try it once. I finally said yes. (Sounds like a really bad after school special, huh? lol. But that situation really does happen to people)
So we went upstairs to her sisters apartment and smoked.
I was hooked, instantly.
We (I) started smoking all the time. Eventually, it got to where we were smoking before school. After time, we had accumulated too many tardies. We went to a private school, so its something they take very seriously. One day we got to school very high, and got pulled into the deans office to ask about our tardies. They saw us high and kicked us out immediately.
Sorry, I'm rambling...
Anyway, we stayed friends for a quite a few more years but eventually grew apart because she and another friend of ours started doing meth and got really bad into it.
I found out years later that they eventually ended up in a pshych ward because they were up for about 2 weeks and went a little crazy.By this time, I had completely lost touch with her.
I myself had had my share of bad experiences throughout my life, but none greater than alcohol, which is why I'm here.
She too found me on Myspace about 7 yrs ago (I had a myspace before I had FB) and we stayed friends from then on. I found out she had also been in jail and thats when she hit her bottom. She sobered up after that. This april, she hit 10 yrs clean! (I'm so proud of her
)
One day we were talking and she told me how horrible she felt for always asking and pushing me to take that first hit. I myself, didn't see it as her fault that I got kicked out of school, kept on experimenting, and eventually got seriously addicted to alcohol.
Those were all my choices, my character and my demons. Yes she pushed and asked, but its still my choice to say yes or no.
Just like it was her choice.
Don't beat yourself up about the choices she made in her life.
You two were just doing what some teenagers do. Unfortunetly, some do get severely addicted and some are able to stop when its no longer the "fun" it used to be and its time to grow up.
I've "partied" with alot of people in my teenage-early twenties, years. Most stop when the party's over...some don't know how.
It has nothing to do with the influence thats around the person, but the addiction they battle.
Its endering that you feel you have to apologize, but you really don't.
Best of luck to you...
I have somewhat of a similar past with an old friend.
We too were best friends and she constantly asked me (as well as other friends) to try marijuana right before they would gather somewhere to have a quick session. I always said no and they would crack jokes as teenagers do.
Well, one day I was at her house. She lived in an apartment building and her older sister rented an apartment a few floors above her and her moms. It was in a pretty bad neighborhood, so access to drugs was easily available. Needless to say, she had some weed and again asked me (more like begged) just to try it once. I finally said yes. (Sounds like a really bad after school special, huh? lol. But that situation really does happen to people)
So we went upstairs to her sisters apartment and smoked.
I was hooked, instantly.
We (I) started smoking all the time. Eventually, it got to where we were smoking before school. After time, we had accumulated too many tardies. We went to a private school, so its something they take very seriously. One day we got to school very high, and got pulled into the deans office to ask about our tardies. They saw us high and kicked us out immediately.
Sorry, I'm rambling...
Anyway, we stayed friends for a quite a few more years but eventually grew apart because she and another friend of ours started doing meth and got really bad into it.
I found out years later that they eventually ended up in a pshych ward because they were up for about 2 weeks and went a little crazy.By this time, I had completely lost touch with her.
I myself had had my share of bad experiences throughout my life, but none greater than alcohol, which is why I'm here.
She too found me on Myspace about 7 yrs ago (I had a myspace before I had FB) and we stayed friends from then on. I found out she had also been in jail and thats when she hit her bottom. She sobered up after that. This april, she hit 10 yrs clean! (I'm so proud of her
)One day we were talking and she told me how horrible she felt for always asking and pushing me to take that first hit. I myself, didn't see it as her fault that I got kicked out of school, kept on experimenting, and eventually got seriously addicted to alcohol.
Those were all my choices, my character and my demons. Yes she pushed and asked, but its still my choice to say yes or no.
Just like it was her choice.
Don't beat yourself up about the choices she made in her life.
You two were just doing what some teenagers do. Unfortunetly, some do get severely addicted and some are able to stop when its no longer the "fun" it used to be and its time to grow up.
I've "partied" with alot of people in my teenage-early twenties, years. Most stop when the party's over...some don't know how.
It has nothing to do with the influence thats around the person, but the addiction they battle.
Its endering that you feel you have to apologize, but you really don't.
Best of luck to you...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Melbourne Fl
Posts: 2
Wow you guys are awesome! Thank you so much for your advice. I know that her own demons pushed her to drugs but I was part of her journey towards that life. And another part of me know that had I not sought therapy for my abuse after having my baby I would have been a full blown addict myself. I did message her and told her that I love her and Im so sorry she went through all that. She appreciated the apology but seemed a little distant. Im wondering if talking to me brings up some old memories. May be I should keep my distance until she is completes rehab.
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