Well, here i go
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: canada
Posts: 22
Well, here i go
I'm 29. I've been drinking since i was 17 or so, heavily between the ages of 19 and 23.. slowed down a bit for a while when i met a girl, got engaged.. this and that.. then of course that ended and well, same old story i guess.
my best friend was my partner in drunk, we really did consider ourselves invincible. we did tons of drugs as well, but booze was always our vice. Well my friend, he got hooked on painkillers he would use while drinking (bottle of vodka a night or so, then down a half dozen pills) and then later started using heroin. well, he managed to get clean. still drinks somewhat, but goes through stints of sobriety, doing better than me i guess.
I'm a musician. been in lots of bands. worse times for me during the heaviest of my younger drinking was when i played in a band where no one drank. well most promoters, especially when you are playing in bars give the band drink tickets or vouchers for each member. well they all went to me. i did a tour with these guys and drank about 12 beers a night for i don't know how long. I remember thinking i had a problem, rather being TOLD i had a problem when i got my first drink of the day in me and told my friend how much better i felt, called it my " medicine" she looked at me like i was crazy and told me i should go get some help. well that was 8 yrs ago, now here i am.
I dont drink for any reason really, no depression, i've had a good life really. I'm educated, succesful, talented i guess depending who you ask. Lots of people look up to me in my life, think i'm a pretty neat person or whatever. but for the last i would say 4 years.. i have been a "hidden" alcoholic. i am totally pro and hiding how much and how often i drink. None of my friends and family would suspect it, at all. if i told them they wouldn't beleive me. when i go out with the friends i always drive and only have one beer, but then i go home and get trashed alone. I have a home recording studio where i make music and just get blasted 3-4 times a week. not even my girlfriend has any clue the extent of my drinking.
well, i finally have felt it catching up to me. tired all the time, felt like i had to puke every day. diarrea, gas.. chest pain from heart burn. totally horrible sensations all over my body, it hink my liver even hurts. Awesome. So, i didn't set a date. didnt set a time or had a plan. i just stopped.. 6 days ago. Wanted to see how dependant i was, wanted to beleive i am not an alcoholic. well, first day was okay, i was a little hazy.. normal for a hangover. the next day, couldnt keep my eyes open, felt like sleeping all the time, had to keep myself awake driving. the 3rd day sick as hell. cold sweats, sweater palms and feet, flushed face, dizzy, lethargic, confused, unintelligable. just a total mess, finally at the end of day 3 and in to day 4 the sensations and sickness broke like a fever. so here i am at day 6. liver still hurts i think, something in there.. sure hope it's a pulled muscle.
i stepped outside today and couldn't remember the last time the sun felt like that on my face, or how my dinner tasted. how real everything feels. isn't that messed up? can't remember the last time how real everything felt.
My muscles are kind of sore, my liver is mad, still farting a lot. but i know im through the worse. I'm not making myself any promises, not setting any goals. just re discovering myself. changing my habits and hobbies. i still have a fridge full of booze but no desire to touch it. cravings are dying down... everytime i want a drink i read these stories, or watch a video on youtube of someone bleeding to death out of their esophagus. it's not worth a few drinks for that.
So, i wanted to say. because you're young doesnt make you invincible, not all alcoholics are visible .. you know people who are ones, but woud never expect it.... and not everyone drinks to escape something. i drank for fun, loved booze and everything about it. now here i am. good luck everyone on your recoveries. mine has only begun
my best friend was my partner in drunk, we really did consider ourselves invincible. we did tons of drugs as well, but booze was always our vice. Well my friend, he got hooked on painkillers he would use while drinking (bottle of vodka a night or so, then down a half dozen pills) and then later started using heroin. well, he managed to get clean. still drinks somewhat, but goes through stints of sobriety, doing better than me i guess.
I'm a musician. been in lots of bands. worse times for me during the heaviest of my younger drinking was when i played in a band where no one drank. well most promoters, especially when you are playing in bars give the band drink tickets or vouchers for each member. well they all went to me. i did a tour with these guys and drank about 12 beers a night for i don't know how long. I remember thinking i had a problem, rather being TOLD i had a problem when i got my first drink of the day in me and told my friend how much better i felt, called it my " medicine" she looked at me like i was crazy and told me i should go get some help. well that was 8 yrs ago, now here i am.
I dont drink for any reason really, no depression, i've had a good life really. I'm educated, succesful, talented i guess depending who you ask. Lots of people look up to me in my life, think i'm a pretty neat person or whatever. but for the last i would say 4 years.. i have been a "hidden" alcoholic. i am totally pro and hiding how much and how often i drink. None of my friends and family would suspect it, at all. if i told them they wouldn't beleive me. when i go out with the friends i always drive and only have one beer, but then i go home and get trashed alone. I have a home recording studio where i make music and just get blasted 3-4 times a week. not even my girlfriend has any clue the extent of my drinking.
well, i finally have felt it catching up to me. tired all the time, felt like i had to puke every day. diarrea, gas.. chest pain from heart burn. totally horrible sensations all over my body, it hink my liver even hurts. Awesome. So, i didn't set a date. didnt set a time or had a plan. i just stopped.. 6 days ago. Wanted to see how dependant i was, wanted to beleive i am not an alcoholic. well, first day was okay, i was a little hazy.. normal for a hangover. the next day, couldnt keep my eyes open, felt like sleeping all the time, had to keep myself awake driving. the 3rd day sick as hell. cold sweats, sweater palms and feet, flushed face, dizzy, lethargic, confused, unintelligable. just a total mess, finally at the end of day 3 and in to day 4 the sensations and sickness broke like a fever. so here i am at day 6. liver still hurts i think, something in there.. sure hope it's a pulled muscle.
i stepped outside today and couldn't remember the last time the sun felt like that on my face, or how my dinner tasted. how real everything feels. isn't that messed up? can't remember the last time how real everything felt.
My muscles are kind of sore, my liver is mad, still farting a lot. but i know im through the worse. I'm not making myself any promises, not setting any goals. just re discovering myself. changing my habits and hobbies. i still have a fridge full of booze but no desire to touch it. cravings are dying down... everytime i want a drink i read these stories, or watch a video on youtube of someone bleeding to death out of their esophagus. it's not worth a few drinks for that.
So, i wanted to say. because you're young doesnt make you invincible, not all alcoholics are visible .. you know people who are ones, but woud never expect it.... and not everyone drinks to escape something. i drank for fun, loved booze and everything about it. now here i am. good luck everyone on your recoveries. mine has only begun
...is awesome!
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 107
Welcome & thank you for sharing. I could relate so much to your story and that's the kind of thing that helps keeps me sober, reading/talking to other alcoholics. I agree being young does not make you invincible. Im just SO grateful im on my journey in my 20's, even if it did take me a bajillion times to get here! Recovery is long term journey. Sobriety is 'just for today' any other days you have are an added bonus...my opinion of course :-D
Keep up the good work. Keep feeling that sunshine on your face :-) This place rocks!
Keep up the good work. Keep feeling that sunshine on your face :-) This place rocks!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: canada
Posts: 22
thanks for the replies everyone,
i had a nice long talk with my friend who was my drinking buddy who is also recovering, found it very helpful. i told him the extent of my drinking which was 3X a week 8 drinks a time, and he said yes that's bad but confided his was much worse, and that he experienced hallucinations , nightmares and tremors through his detox. I'm lucky to only have had the symptoms i did, and only briefly. and i think a lot of them just had to do with anxiety.
I've kicked hard drug use, i know i can do this. it just sucks because i legitimately enjoyed beer, as in the flavor, taste. i liked trying new ones. I never did get rediculous and fall all over the place. But, when it has an effect on your health.. time to regroup i guess. i'd be lying if i said i wasn't really disappointed.
have no idea if i'll relapse or not, i dont want to think about that. but as for now, the urges are all but gone and have been replaced with disgust. i watched some documentaries on alcoholism on youtube and it's just terrible to watch, i dont want to turn in to that. and i should be thankful i was able to identify this problem before reaching that state
i had a nice long talk with my friend who was my drinking buddy who is also recovering, found it very helpful. i told him the extent of my drinking which was 3X a week 8 drinks a time, and he said yes that's bad but confided his was much worse, and that he experienced hallucinations , nightmares and tremors through his detox. I'm lucky to only have had the symptoms i did, and only briefly. and i think a lot of them just had to do with anxiety.
I've kicked hard drug use, i know i can do this. it just sucks because i legitimately enjoyed beer, as in the flavor, taste. i liked trying new ones. I never did get rediculous and fall all over the place. But, when it has an effect on your health.. time to regroup i guess. i'd be lying if i said i wasn't really disappointed.
have no idea if i'll relapse or not, i dont want to think about that. but as for now, the urges are all but gone and have been replaced with disgust. i watched some documentaries on alcoholism on youtube and it's just terrible to watch, i dont want to turn in to that. and i should be thankful i was able to identify this problem before reaching that state
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: canada
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by Darklight 
Welcome to SR, but more importantly, welcome to a new life in recovery.
I could relate to alot of your story. I did lead vocals in a couple of bands and we did some serious drinking and using back in the day.
Glad you made it out of the fog.
I could relate to alot of your story. I did lead vocals in a couple of bands and we did some serious drinking and using back in the day.
Glad you made it out of the fog.
I'd love to be able to go back and have a beer socially like the old days but i don't know how or if it'll work. i plan on trying to try it out after i detox for a while (a month is the goal right now but could be longer depending on how i'm feeling and how bloodwork) Hope it all works in my favor. have lots of good friends and support behind me, so i'm also very thankful for that. and the new friends i'll meet here.
to SR
not little, a stranger no more
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: in the crowd
Posts: 410
Welcome!
I quit drinking just a few months before I turned 29 and a lot of people around me didn't suspect the amounts I was drinking either. What you described are already symptoms of physical withdrawal, and I think it is a good thing you decided to make some changes for now. It takes some time for your body to get better, and even if bloodwork can besurprisingly normal, it doesn't mean that there is no long term damage building up slowly.
I think it is great that you decided to adress your digestive issues too, and removing alcohol from the mix may really improve chances to make it more manageable. Also the time spent without drinking presents a good opportunity to start to adress the psychological factors and find better way to deal with unresolved issues like losses. I drank a lot to numb out stuff that hurt me, and i think a lot of peole are in the same boat.
As far as loving to go back to social drinking I made for myself the experinece that it didn't work out well. I tried to moderate my drinking for a while but as it didn't work, I just quit completely. In a way, it was easier than trying to have just a few while I really would have liked to get smashed...and most of the time I did anyway.
The important part is that you decided not to drink at the moment and that you want to take better care of yourself. Keep up positivity
,
Lionne
I quit drinking just a few months before I turned 29 and a lot of people around me didn't suspect the amounts I was drinking either. What you described are already symptoms of physical withdrawal, and I think it is a good thing you decided to make some changes for now. It takes some time for your body to get better, and even if bloodwork can besurprisingly normal, it doesn't mean that there is no long term damage building up slowly.
I think it is great that you decided to adress your digestive issues too, and removing alcohol from the mix may really improve chances to make it more manageable. Also the time spent without drinking presents a good opportunity to start to adress the psychological factors and find better way to deal with unresolved issues like losses. I drank a lot to numb out stuff that hurt me, and i think a lot of peole are in the same boat.
As far as loving to go back to social drinking I made for myself the experinece that it didn't work out well. I tried to moderate my drinking for a while but as it didn't work, I just quit completely. In a way, it was easier than trying to have just a few while I really would have liked to get smashed...and most of the time I did anyway.
The important part is that you decided not to drink at the moment and that you want to take better care of yourself. Keep up positivity
,Lionne
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
You've had a rough week. Time to settle down, take it easy and go over it all.
It doesn't get mentioned here a lot but I found the quick course at "rational recovery" very good as long as you ignore the antiAA stuff.
It doesn't get mentioned here a lot but I found the quick course at "rational recovery" very good as long as you ignore the antiAA stuff.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
