Detachment from myself?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Somewhere here in texas
Posts: 25
Detachment from myself?
Detachment from myself
Just left and Alanon meeting today .. It has been really tough today for some reason.. My addicts ex- wife calls him to tell him she is going to a mavericks game tonight and she could meet him early to get their son or he could stay the rest of the day but he would have to drive him the hour to her moms cause she wouldn't be home.. And it really made me upset , I feel like a two yr old... My addict is only 5 days clean and it's been active addiction with him for over three yrs..We also have two small boys together , and I really think I was greiving the fact she was going to do something fun and not have to worry about anything .. And I haven't done anything fun that I really wanted to do in I can't even remember ... I was greiving my loss of friends and bbqs and friends kids birthday parties , really everything I haven't done since his addiction had entered my life ..i have to detach from my lost years that weren't what I hoped and dreamed of , I have to let go of the guilt of missing my loved ones that were neglected during me worrying and only focusing on the addict and beleiving for so long I could support and love him enough to be clean ... I just wonder if there is something in the air today.. why I feel so sad, mad, and guilty for these feelings .. I should just be grateful for today and let it be I can't change the past ...
Just left and Alanon meeting today .. It has been really tough today for some reason.. My addicts ex- wife calls him to tell him she is going to a mavericks game tonight and she could meet him early to get their son or he could stay the rest of the day but he would have to drive him the hour to her moms cause she wouldn't be home.. And it really made me upset , I feel like a two yr old... My addict is only 5 days clean and it's been active addiction with him for over three yrs..We also have two small boys together , and I really think I was greiving the fact she was going to do something fun and not have to worry about anything .. And I haven't done anything fun that I really wanted to do in I can't even remember ... I was greiving my loss of friends and bbqs and friends kids birthday parties , really everything I haven't done since his addiction had entered my life ..i have to detach from my lost years that weren't what I hoped and dreamed of , I have to let go of the guilt of missing my loved ones that were neglected during me worrying and only focusing on the addict and beleiving for so long I could support and love him enough to be clean ... I just wonder if there is something in the air today.. why I feel so sad, mad, and guilty for these feelings .. I should just be grateful for today and let it be I can't change the past ...
Skipper
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: South Texas, USA
Posts: 827
Naw, you can't detach from yourself but you can detach from those negative feelings. Now, it's ok to feel the appropriate, real feelings, and you should process through those legitimate feelings of sadness and loss of a 'normal' life. However,...
Comparing yourself to someone else is a surefire way of heading you down to Negative Road. See if you can do something that is guaranteed to make you smile.
At the first part of my recovery as an Alanoid was to make a list of those positive things I can do so that I may refer to same list when my brain feels lost:
I will share:
1. Declare Nerf Wars with my son. We will run around shooting spongy darts at each other and laughing our heads off.
2. Or, on a hot day like today, Declare Water Balloon war. Yes, he will be defeated!
3. Grab my "Courage to Change" book and give myself 10 minutes to meditate on today's message. (also, grabbing my Bible works)
4. A nice relaxing soak in the tub while listening to Lyle Lovett or Eric Clapton. Sometimes another musical guest in my bathroom works just as good.
5. A funny clip on Youtube like "Charlie Bit my Finger" or a comedian. Sometimes watching the "Annoying Orange" with my son makes me giggle.
...ok, since I started several months ago, I have about 100 things on my list. If one doesn't tickle my fancy at the moment, I move on to the next one. I've plagarized several ideas straight from this site!!
Go on, do it. See if it works for you.
Comparing yourself to someone else is a surefire way of heading you down to Negative Road. See if you can do something that is guaranteed to make you smile.
At the first part of my recovery as an Alanoid was to make a list of those positive things I can do so that I may refer to same list when my brain feels lost:
I will share:
1. Declare Nerf Wars with my son. We will run around shooting spongy darts at each other and laughing our heads off.
2. Or, on a hot day like today, Declare Water Balloon war. Yes, he will be defeated!
3. Grab my "Courage to Change" book and give myself 10 minutes to meditate on today's message. (also, grabbing my Bible works)
4. A nice relaxing soak in the tub while listening to Lyle Lovett or Eric Clapton. Sometimes another musical guest in my bathroom works just as good.
5. A funny clip on Youtube like "Charlie Bit my Finger" or a comedian. Sometimes watching the "Annoying Orange" with my son makes me giggle.
...ok, since I started several months ago, I have about 100 things on my list. If one doesn't tickle my fancy at the moment, I move on to the next one. I've plagarized several ideas straight from this site!!
Go on, do it. See if it works for you.
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
Originally Posted by skippernlilg 
1. Declare Nerf Wars with my son. We will run around shooting spongy darts at each other and laughing our heads off.
Originally Posted by skippernlilg
I have about 100 things on my list.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: carolina girl
Posts: 578
Skipper, you so dang happy girl 
Danielle, the biggest thing here, and I mean BIGGEST thing here, is to remind yourself that "this too shall pass".
I was in a real funk the other day, feeling miserable, less than, sad, crying, man I felt like a loser. All I could concentrate on was what I didn't have, what I couldn't do, what I would never be. I still don't know what caused me to feel that way, I literally woke up already crying. I struggled with it most of the day, it debilitated me until 1pm, when I finally decided I should get out of bed.
But it passed! I came on here and shared my fears, my shames, and my worries with everyone, and got a ton of support (and one 'don't be such a baby', which I honestly kind of needed as well). The day got easier. By the next day, after a good night's rest, I woke up feeling refreshed, and couldn't even believe I had felt so poorly the day before. Completely different. All of my problems weren't miraculously solved or anything, but my perception returned to healthy. Partly sunny, instead of mostly cloudy.
I think we all have bad days, something triggers us and emotions we have been bottling for a while, even if we don't realize we have been doing it, come rushing out. SO let them out, and you can start again fresh tomorrow.
Danielle, the biggest thing here, and I mean BIGGEST thing here, is to remind yourself that "this too shall pass".
I was in a real funk the other day, feeling miserable, less than, sad, crying, man I felt like a loser. All I could concentrate on was what I didn't have, what I couldn't do, what I would never be. I still don't know what caused me to feel that way, I literally woke up already crying. I struggled with it most of the day, it debilitated me until 1pm, when I finally decided I should get out of bed.
But it passed! I came on here and shared my fears, my shames, and my worries with everyone, and got a ton of support (and one 'don't be such a baby', which I honestly kind of needed as well). The day got easier. By the next day, after a good night's rest, I woke up feeling refreshed, and couldn't even believe I had felt so poorly the day before. Completely different. All of my problems weren't miraculously solved or anything, but my perception returned to healthy. Partly sunny, instead of mostly cloudy.
I think we all have bad days, something triggers us and emotions we have been bottling for a while, even if we don't realize we have been doing it, come rushing out. SO let them out, and you can start again fresh tomorrow.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Somewhere here in texas
Posts: 25
Today was such a better day ... Thank you so much for the comments
I prayed got a good night sleep and was blessed today with a new perspective on my life .. For today I can see all the people, things , and situitions I am grateful for ...
I prayed got a good night sleep and was blessed today with a new perspective on my life .. For today I can see all the people, things , and situitions I am grateful for ...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Danielle, Thank you for your post, seems we all share the same raw emotion. There is all kinds of grieving, and was beginning to feel selfish, as I too have separated from so many good friends due to bad behavior of a certain A. When I read your post I knew I wasn't alone. Peace to you and thanks again
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
See? Working already! Even I got a kick out of this post and the turn it has taken.
I find any kind of physical exercise/labor works for me. Walking the dogs, biking, heavy yard work, painting...anything that gets the endorphins moving again.
I find any kind of physical exercise/labor works for me. Walking the dogs, biking, heavy yard work, painting...anything that gets the endorphins moving again.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Somewhere in the big ole' world....
Posts: 545
My yard has never looked so good. When I am feeling down, crappy, confused, feel myself weakening, I go out to my yard and do something. My grass is short, the edges are trimmed almost obsessively perfectly, but that helps me work things out in my mind.
I also walk my dog-both of us could stand to shed some weight and as I walk up and down hills (I live in a very hilly city), I keep telling myself that I'm working toward my goal....so far, lost 7/40lbs......
I also walk my dog-both of us could stand to shed some weight and as I walk up and down hills (I live in a very hilly city), I keep telling myself that I'm working toward my goal....so far, lost 7/40lbs......
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