faefae44

I have an alcoholic father. He has been an alcoholic since he was a teenager and now he is in his 50's. Me and my mother have tried everything to make him stop but he won't.

I've noticed his health is decreasing more and more. He is getting much slower and his recovery after his drinking binges are getting worse. The tremors in his hands are getting worse, so much so he can't even drive straight.

I've slowly come to the realization that I will witness my father drink himself to death, probably from a stroke and I have a horrible feeling it will be some time very soon...

I hate thinking about this but it's becoming more and more apparent that this WILL happen. It feels even worse to know that I can't do anything about it. I'm watching my father die from something that is entirely preventable and it's eating me up.

Sorry, just had to write this out somewhere...

MeredithD1

I'm sorry, Fae. I haven't been through what you are going through, and I can't imagine what it must feel like. Hugs and healing to you.

suki44883

I'm so sorry, fae. I know how you are feeling. My father died of cirrhosis of the liver at 58. It is a slow and ugly way to die. I almost wish my dad had died of a stroke or heart attack. It would have been faster than the months and months of watching him waste away, watching him turn yellow, not being able to keep anything down, watching his stomach distend like he was about 13 months pregnant.

I know how much you wish you could help him, but you just can't. But, you don't have to have a front row seat to the misery. You can continue to live your life and find serenity knowing that he made his own choices for his life, and you can make your own choices for yours. I hope you will consider attending al-anon meetings. There are people there who are going through or who have gone through exactly what you are. You will be among people who truly understand what you are feeling.

You can't change your dad's future, but you can change yours. I hope you will, and I hope you'll stick around SR. You will find a lot of support here.

skippernlilg

Welcome, Fae,

I do hope you'll continue reading and posting. It is so hard to watch a parent go through this. You're right, this is a disease that has horrible medical affects in addition to the psychological affects. If you are a teen, you may try Al-ateen.

Al-anon is a great resource for family members of the alcoholic. I had to try a few meetings to find the one that 'fits' for me. Some things I have learned are here on the board, reading the stickies above, and just hanging out here in addition to Al-anon meetings. Working my program helps me love my alcoholic better than I was (now from afar) and learn how to take care of myself, too.

Remember, You did not Cause this,
You cannot Control it,
and You cannot Cure it.

Some reading material that has helped me:

Short daily devotionals from "Courage to Change"
and The Big Book of AA

I also plan to read "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beatty.

BREATHE!!

LaPinturaBella

Good suggestions above. I am so sorry that you and your mom are having to deal with this. My condolences and prayers go out to you and your entire family.

catlovermi

Although you feel sad, and his situation is sad, you do seem to have some pretty good reality-based observation and thinking, coming to this conclusion, unfortunately.

The good news is that it's mentally healthy for you to have reality based thinking, and acceptance of what looks likely to happen, even if it's tragic.



CLMI

grateful101010

I'm sorry, this must be tough to watch and not be able do anything about it. I can recommend a great book "Under the Influence" which spells out exactly what alcohol does to the body. It will help you understand what is happening to your dad.

/alcoholism is a fatal disease whose only known treatment is abstinence from alcohol
//it's never too late to quit

barb dwyer

Welcome to the forum

There's many here who know how you're feeling.
I hope you'll continue to post
and make some friends
while you're here.

KSNurse

I know very well how you are feeling. I'm an adult daughter of an AH. My Dad has been through rehab and was sober for a year. My Dad relapsed about 7 months ago and continues to drink. He still goes to AA meetings daily and even sponsors someone. He is a closet drinker. His health deteriorating fast. I have no idea what I could do to help him.