ACT10Npack

Trying to get some advice about the problem I have with my life now. My parents are really controlling which is one of the reason I over drink in the first place. At this point I'm living at my parents place which was a hell hole when I was getting drunk all the time but now I'm learning how to deal with it without drinking. My parents are really controlling people. I went to a shrink about it which they thought it was about my drinking problem but it was more for them. I have credit card debit and student loans to pay. I'm working part time but going to full time soon and got a rise after working just a month at my new job. Things are looking up to me now. Focusing more on myself and learning how to deal with life without alcohol. I want to move out as quickly as I can out of my parents place. I don't want to be 30 years old and still leaving at their place.

How to deal with them when I do decide to move? The last time I move out my mom would call me every few hours and even when I was at work. Asking me what I'm doing and other stuff. I know when I move in to an apartment they want a key in my place so they can look around when I'm not home. They did that before and they would want to do it again. They would always get upset when they find alcohol I hide which is weird because I was living alone. I can understand about that but I know if they do this stuff again I will have to file a police report to stay away from me. I know they are my family but if I don't have my space I will never enjoy my life.

Dee74

Boundaries were very important for me when I moved out.

I insisted that my parents treat me and my place with respect - no just 'popping over', no rummaging through my stuff....

Well, nearly 30 years later, they've improved a lot, but they're still not perfect at it LOL - but I've learned to let go that which I can't control.

I had a lot of screaming matches and stupid stuff like that..it got none of us anywhere

I try as much as possible to see things from their point of view nowadays, to try and understand why they're like they are.

My parents are who they are - they see no reason to change...heck they see no problem - in their dysfunctional way they love me - they're worried for me and are trying to look after me....

I moved to another town and see my folks maybe twice a year...it means they have to call beforehand now or spend 2 hours on the road...and we always go out somewhere...I wait on the stoop

D

suki44883

Once you get your own place, you will make the rules. You don't have to give them a key, you don't have to answer the phone every time one of them calls. Your place, your rules. They may not like it at first, but if you are consistent with your boundaries, they will eventually get used to it. Doesn't mean they'll ever like it, but they'll learn that you expect your privacy.

Don't worry so much about what you think will happen when you move. Live in the here and now and keep moving forward so that you can finally move into your own place and live you life as you want.