tjp613

My 17 year old daughter has been spinning out of control for quite some time now.... since October or so. She's been in treatment with two very good psychotherapists, and I have personally tried the very best I could to do the right things for her. But she continues to spiral....

She flunked her junior year of HS.
She was arrested in March for shoplifting and is on probation.
Despite being on probation she has been drinking and drugging (and is tested at probation appts)
She breaks every rule I set down and cares nothing about the consequences I dole out.... the only thing she has left right now is her phone.
Last night, for the 3rd time, she left during the night and never came back.

I've been to countless meetings and therapy sessions. I even got my own therapist so that I could be a better person for her. (Our current psych budget is about $2400/month!) I've missed countless days of work. I've lost countless nights of sleep. My health is suffering from all the stress.

I've done all this without one iota of support from her father, who gave up on her two years ago. He sends money, but that's it.

I'm absolutely fried and I refuse to suffer one day longer.

I packed her bags, left them on the porch and told her to call her dad.

I'm done.

I am not her only option.

Thank you for all you have given me, SR.

Please pray for my little family today.

Freedom1990

Oh hon, how well I understand that kind of bottom. God knows I hit one with my now 22-year-old in her teenage years, much similar to what you have described.

Prayers from my household, and hugs for you too!

suki44883

You need that.

I'm so sorry. I know exactly how you are feeling as I have been there. I too had to make my daughter leave. It hurts and I did it through tears, but I had to do it. Just like you had to do it.

Prayers going out to all concerned. We are here for you. You will get through this.

barb dwyer

Impurrfect

(((tjp))) - big hugs and prayers to you and your daughter. I can only imagine how hard this is, but from this RA? You're doing the right thing. You're allowing her to feel the consequences of her actions, and though she will most likely be angry for a while, I pray that she comes back and thanks you, as I did my dad.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

NYCDoglvr

You have my prayers ... what an incredibly difficult situation. It sounds like there's nothing left you can do or say and you can't let her destroy your life. Please keep posting....

MeredithD1

you're in my prayers. you have done so well in doing everything you could do and giving her every opportunity. I'm glad you took care of yourself in this way and I know it had to be so hard. Don't we all wish sometimes that it could be up to us to decide for those who aren't making the right decisions.

outonalimb

Youre in my prayers.

You did the right thing...although I'm sure it hurts like hell.

Prayers and mom hugs...

Dee74

prayers out tjp

D

bruingirl

You are both in my prayers! Even though I'm sure it was a hard decision, you did the right thing for both you and her.

Fandy

i'm so sorry for you.....i have been down this road with my own daughter(she's now 30)....i would close my eyes and she would go out the window....you get to the point where your own health suffers and you feel like you are running out of options.

i think you did the right thing too....life is not always greener with the other parent, and maybe she will learn to appreciate you.

when my daughter was living with her father for about 6 months, istill felt in constant turmoil...then one day i came home from work and realized....the house was quiet, clean, peaceful and just the way i left it....no extra mess to clean up, no yelling for help and chastising....i grew to appreciate the peace and quiet and could finally relax my stomach muscles.

fourmaggie

gosh! damn
disease!!

MayaandMe

I am sorry that you are dealing with this.

Remember, you matter, too. You are important, your well-being counts, keep taking good care of yourself.

skippernlilg

You're a smart Mom, and I pray soon you are a peaceful Mom.

m1k3

I am so sorry. (((hugs))) I have nothing to offer but my sympathy and prayers.

Your friend,

chicory

Tjp , thinking of you and saying a prayer.

hugs
chicory

kittykitty

Definitely sending prayers your way. I can only imagine how hard it was to finally pack those bags for her. Stepping back and getting out of her way is the best thing you can do for her now. For your own sake especially.

Please remember you are not a bad mom. You didn't fail. Unfortunately, with this disease, love is never enough. She has a path to follow, and I truly hope it leads back to you someday.

tjp613

I just cant find the words right now to express how grateful I am for the incredible support I find here -- every single time I need it -- her on SR.

I've learned so much here. Not an *easy* path, but one that is healthy for all concerned. I know that what I've chosen for her and for me is right for both of us.

I got a call from her girlfriend's dad that she has asked to stay "a couple of days" with them. (He knows that we are having trouble.)

For once in a long time I had a decent and serious conversation with her father, too.

I think that all things considered we will be seeking a residential treatment center for her -- she is totally out of control and it's probably the best shot we've got at getting her on the right path before she turns 18. I'll keep you posted.

Thank you all -- from the bottom of my heart.

LaPinturaBella

I'm so sorry that this is happening. I hope this is your daughter's bottom and that she steps onto the path of recovery and healing. My prayers are with you both.

bookwyrm

I've no advice, no experience to share. All I can give you is